This could be your toddler!
I don't usually talk about two products in one day, but this one was too good to keep under wraps. I just got word from my contacts at LeapFrog of a brand new product that's guaranteed to turn your toddler into a genius.
The press release below says it all. Meantime, I'm going to order mine right now. And this isn't another lame 1980s joke. I promise. Read on ...
April 1, 2009 -- Today LeapFrog Enterprises, Inc. (NYSE: LF) proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that learning can happen anytime, anyplace. After a decade of top-secret, government-funded testing at underground research facilities in several undisclosed locations, LeapFrog has released the revolutionary Dream & Learn Smart Orb. Dream & Learn is the first product to harness the unique ability of children's brains to absorb raw intelligence delivered via high frequency sound waves. Now kids of all ages (and the occasional cocker spaniel) can instantly comprehend difficult-to-learn concepts-while they sleep!
"Every child sleeps an average of nine hours a night, so why not turn this normally wasted time into a painless study session?" said Nancy MacIntyre, executive vice president, product, innovation and marketing. "Parents who despair that their toddlers will ever grasp the quadratic formula, Zeno's Paradox or the answer to ‘how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?' will now rest easy. We're happy to say that, thanks to our space-age engineering, having the brightest kid on the block is no longer just a dream."
Turning centuries of educational theory on their head, the patented smartification technology embedded within Dream & Learn-Subjective Neurological Osmosis Retention & Entertainment (S.N.O.R.E.) allows children to go to sleep as usual and simply wake up noticeably smarter (albeit, in approximately 10 per cent of test cases, somewhat groggy).
The Dream & Learn's compact size, sleek spherical shape and hermetically sealed shell allow it to be nestled safely and unobtrusively next to any standard-sized pillow. And the "infinity dial" of subjects lets parents choose exactly which Amazing Knowledge Archive (how to calculate a molar solution; baking a perfect pie crust-every time!; exactly who is buried in Grant's Tomb?) will grow their little one's brain each night.
Fighting Over Homework-Never Again!
Dream & Learn eliminates the need for any parent ever again to nag their child to finish homework. Parents simply set the Dream & Learn dial to the topic of their choice, place the device near their child's pillow and off the little one goes into productive slumber. The S.N.O.R.E.'s proprietary sonic algorithms infiltrate and effectively "hijack" the child's unconscious and download the selected information directly to the appropriate lobes of the brain. A satisfied parent said, "My son used to fail every math quiz he took. But now, at only eight years old, he is heading to Antarctica to do stuff my wife and I can't even pronounce, let alone understand. Thanks, LeapFrog!"
Already in development are next-gen products that will actually allow a child to sleep around the clock-and get smarter, faster, than possible while awake. And depending on their particular parenting philosophies, moms and dads can even choose not to tell their child he or she is "Dream & Learn"-ing, placing the orb after bedtime and removing it in the wee hours of the morning. The child will awaken smarter-but none the wiser.
Will you buy the new Dream & Learn? Does the idea of a genius toddler scare you to death, too? Are you sick of Cafe Cynthia's dumb jokes yet?