Do Tantrums Require a Shrink?

on March 23, 2009 at 12:08 PM

You be the judge. Who is right here -- the pediatrician or the mom:

The facts of the case:

You take your typical toddler to the pediatrician for his 3 year well-baby visit. The doctor makes you and your tyke wait an hour before calling you into the exam room.

By then, the 3 year old has had it. Exhausted. Bored. Frustrated. He refuses to let the nurse weigh him. Refuses to let her check his blood pressure. Tries to wiggle out of mom's hold. Pretty soon, it's a full-on tantrum.

Another more experienced nurse bearing toys and a latex glove balloon manages to calm the child down, and mom and the nurse agree to reschedule the appointment for another day. It's better this way, the mom thinks, because she needs some tranquility to talk to the doctor about controlling her son's tantrums, as well discuss as an unrelated dietary issue.

The nurse leaves and returns after speaking with the doctor, who relays the message that he does not deal with behavioral problems. Doesn't even talk about them. He won't treat the child further until he sees a psychologist.

The mom can't believe it. Aren't tantrums normal toddler behavior? And isn't a pediatrician the go-to person for all issues involving the physical and mental health of a child? But just maybe this is routine procedure at other doctor's offices, as well, she considers.

What's your verdict?

1. The pediatrician was appropriate to order the consult before talking to the mom and examining the child first.

2. It's time to find a new pediatrician.

This happened in real life last week to LelandsMommy, who gives more details in the Journal post A tantrum is sending my son to the psychologist?!?!

One mom responded to the Journal saying the pediatrician was probably thinking autism, and was afraid to make the diagnosis himself, so he was passing the buck. But that just doesn't make any sense to LelandsMommy. It wasn't even her son's worst tantrum.

What say you?

About the author Cynthia Dermody

is The Stir's Managing Editor who has trophies in her home for her skills at the Irish Jig. She makes cupcakes with as many fattening ingredients as possible, doesn't comb her hair for months at a time, and was probably a faerie in a former life.

Filed Under: doctor visits, health, tantrums

Comments (19)

cowboygal

on Mar 23, 2009 at 12:25 PM

I think the reaction of the kid was normal. I had a doctor like that. Always overbooked and waiting on him. I tried to bring snacks, and something to drink and stuff to keep them busy. I think the kid was just tired of waiting. Kids have little patience. On the other hand, I see a lot of doctors not seeing kids with this problem because they can be wrong and parents might sure and all that ggood stuff.

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JPsMommy605

on Mar 23, 2009 at 12:31 PM

Makes me wonder what EXACTLY the nurse said to the doctor...there's always the chance of something completely miscommunicated. I would either call the Dr. and speak with him directly or, if he's not available to do so, then I would find another Dr. who does make him/herself available to discuss ANY issues/concerns with the parent, even if only to say to the parent's face that it's something he or she wasn't TRAINED in and doesn't feel particularly skilled at advising, but would at least have the decency to discuss directly with the parent and make a recommendation for another pediatrician who's skillset is stronger.

ddbz

on Mar 23, 2009 at 12:37 PM

It's time for a different ped AND to file a complaint about the first one.

21stCenturyMom

on Mar 23, 2009 at 12:39 PM

"Shrink"? Really?

But no, I think Leland and his mommy got the shaft, and that any pedi who won't see a child because he's...well, doing what all children do, should reconsider his occupation. That guy really shouldn't be in a profession that is meant to serve children. I sure hope Leland's mom is able to find a new pedi..one with a bit more compassion for kids.

texasgurl33

on Mar 23, 2009 at 12:47 PM

That is HORRIBLE! I would immediately find a new pedi. Like the pp said, no telling what the nurse told the doctor.

CaliLily84

on Mar 23, 2009 at 1:11 PM

She needs to find another doctor. Thats not right. I have a 3 year old that I swear has a behavior problem, not just because of tantrums, and we almost always make it through our appointments. Our latest experience, our doctor told me that his problem was that i don't discipline.............that doc was only in the room with him for 1 minute. and the solution he offered was organic whole foods. But back to the topic, the doctors need to stop overbooking, it is way stressful for the child and even harder when there are behavior/mental issues involved. I can't even take my son to the dentist, the only one in my city that sees small children won't see him, cause after sitting in the waiting room for 2 hours, he can't cooperate.

s.teph

on Mar 23, 2009 at 1:21 PM

I agree with the other moms. It's unreasonable to expect a child to wait in a completely sterile room the size of my bathroom for over an hour with nothing to occupy them. I realize Dr's are people and things happen that are sometimes beyond our control, but this is what kids do. And even if it WAS something that the Dr felt needed to be addressed by a psychologist, he/she owed it to the mother to say something in person. You pay to see the Dr, not the nurse... and after all that time waiting the least they can do is take 3 minutes to explain the situation. It's possible the Dr was having a bad day and just didn't have much patience, but I would be upset and finding a new Ped. as well. That is just ridiculous and uncalled for. My doctor does the same thing and is completely unsympathetic by the time the appointment rolls around and my child is climbing the walls. He's half dressed (so he's cold), no amount of toys is going to occupy him anymore, they don't allow drinks or snacks (I bring them anyways, tough noogies for you.. don't take so long and maybe we won't have this issue), he pulls the outlet covers off, he even managed to knock down and break the roll of paper on the table. Toddlers are uncontrolable after being caged up for more than an hour. So sorry for you.

stephmommyof4

on Mar 23, 2009 at 1:27 PM

I say it's time to find a new pediatrician. I used to take my son to a dentist who did that. After sitting in the waiting room for four hours and my son being upset that he left his scooby doo at home he was throwing a tantrum by the time we got into the back. The dentist didn't didn't even come back there he sent the nurse to tell us he wouldn't see him because he was throwing a tantrum. I was pissed seeing as now I'd wasted half the day sitting in a waiting room for nothing. I now have a wonderful new dentist for my kids.

twinclubmom

on Mar 23, 2009 at 1:34 PM

Time for a new pediatrician. Any pedi worth their salt should be able to discuss behavioral issues with a parent and then go from there.

Nonmember comment from Angie

on Mar 23, 2009 at 4:15 PM

I think it is time to find you a new doctor. Everything you did and the child did was normal and if it was me I probably would of walked out of the doc office. Good Luck!