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Mom Confessions: Our Children Aren't Invited to Our Wedding

by Cynthia Dermody on January 23, 2009 at 7:16 AM

mom confessionsIt's time for a Mom Confession -- because, let's face it, we're real mothers and sometimes it doesn't work the way the parenting books say it should.

This Week's Confession:

I've been engaged for 3 years, and my SO recently announced to our children that he's taking me to the Bahamas to get married and that it's going to be just the two of us.The kids (we have three each 22,17,14,13,12 and 11) all looked kind of hurt that they weren't going to be included.

We talked about it later and he made a good point about how everything we do turns into "all about the kids," and he's right. I thought it might be a good way to start off blending our families, but I'm sure their motives are selfish for wanting to be there.


Question: Should a mother or future step-mother be required to invite her children to her wedding?
  1. Yes 62%
  2. No 26%
  3. I have another opinion ... 10%
Total Votes: 460
Voting on polls is not available on The Stir Mobile.


Are you a bad mom if you don't invite your children -- especially needy and clingy toddlers -- to your wedding? Should this be one instance where you and your wishes are put first if you so choose?

We all have secrets -- so thanks to this brave mom for sharing her honest thoughts, and thank you for keeping this conversation non-judgemental!


Past Confessions:

You Adopted Her, But She's Still Mine

I Scold Other People's Kids

I'm on Vacation, But My Kid Is Still Going to Day Care

I Favor My Older Child

I Let My Toddler Eat Food Before Paying for It

Filed Under: confessions

Comments

99
  • Holla...
    --

    Holland1945

    January 23, 2009 at 7:40 AM

    My brother and I were not invited to our mom's wedding. Actually, she didn't even tell us she was getting married! We went to visit our fathers over the summer and when we came back we had a stepdad- she had been dating him for a long time though, so we knew him. I was 5 and he was 8; that's a bit younger than the ages you are dealing with, but we were not hurt by it :)

    Your kids are definitely old enough to understand why you would want to go without them- have fun in the Bahamas!


  • Starf...
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    Starfire73

    January 23, 2009 at 7:53 AM

    That is VERY SELFISH!!!!! I guess if you don't care or love your children they will understand.


  • katzm...
    --

    katzmeow726

    January 23, 2009 at 8:07 AM

    No, its not selfish.  Explain to them why you want this!  Although I would reccomend having a small party and maybe even a ceremony upoon your return so that they feel included, as well as the rest of your family.  I'm assuming y'all will also honeymoon there?  Thats a good reason enough...that way you don't have to worry about sending them alone on a plane back home, or (the other alternative) keep them in a different room at the hotel.  Its very logical (and selfish...but in this case its OK!) thing to do!


  • chili...
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    chilimidos62

    January 23, 2009 at 8:14 AM

    why not get married, by the justice of the peace, and include them, where you live, and then go honey moon to bahama's? just a suggestion?


  • livewell
    --

    livewell

    January 23, 2009 at 8:18 AM

    as Katzmeow said, a small party, or even a mock wedding could give the kids what they crave, and leave you free to enjoy your moment in solitude. I think it is wonderful that you have the opportunity to share that special moment alone with your love. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

    I just got back from Jamaica and I am sure you will have a wonderful time in the tropics! I actually thought about suggesting the same thing to my fiance :-)


  • Thia29
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    Thia29

    January 23, 2009 at 8:26 AM

    A wedding is supposed to be a public confession of love and commitment.  It is about the joining of two people, the formation of a family.  It is a moment for everyone to celebrate this.  To exclude the children is the opposite of what it's supposed to be about.  The honeymoon is time for the couple to be alone and have their special moments.


  • ziann...
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    zianneaaliyah

    January 23, 2009 at 8:38 AM

    I agree with Thia29. 

    Yeah, exclude the kids from the ceremony, but when you get back, I bet you expect them to act like an inclusive family.  Sounds very hypocritical to me.


  • 40yrmom
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    40yrmom

    January 23, 2009 at 9:04 AM

    Not only are you two joining together, but you are joining your families together, so get married  where the kids can come and then go honeymoon alone!!!!!! Your kids would never forget the fact that they did not attend the wedding and it may cause trouble and very hard feelings towards you and your SO....


  • JenBass
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    JenBass

    January 23, 2009 at 9:08 AM

    my 1 year old attended our wedding (he is now 3)... to me it seems selfish of you both not to want to include your children... like another mom suggested why not get married by the jp in the town that you live in and take a honeymoon to the bahamas... the kids should then feel better because you included them. and the honeymoon is really only to be for the married couple so... they would understand i think.


  • milmi...
    --

    milmiracle

    January 23, 2009 at 9:18 AM

    Sometimes for your marriage/relationship to work u have to be selfish w/ it.  Just like u would be selfish w/ your children and wouldn't want someone else taking them away from u you have to be selfish w/ your marriage or else it will not work.  The best marriages/relationships are the ones where, no inlaws, no children, grandchildren hell even everyday life matters like bills and money can penetrate.  Allow these things to interfere and the next thing you know u r headed for divorce court or the singles bars and welcoming singlehood and promiscuity into your life.  I think it's ok to want to be alone especially on a wedding night.  It's not like it's your first marriage or anything like that.  We tend to be more relaxed when it's just the 2 of us and be more of ourselves and that alone is joy.


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