Mom Confessions: Our Children Aren't Invited to Our Wedding

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mom confessionsIt's time for a Mom Confession -- because, let's face it, we're real mothers and sometimes it doesn't work the way the parenting books say it should.

This Week's Confession:

I've been engaged for 3 years, and my SO recently announced to our children that he's taking me to the Bahamas to get married and that it's going to be just the two of us.The kids (we have three each 22,17,14,13,12 and 11) all looked kind of hurt that they weren't going to be included.

We talked about it later and he made a good point about how everything we do turns into "all about the kids," and he's right. I thought it might be a good way to start off blending our families, but I'm sure their motives are selfish for wanting to be there.


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Should a mother or future step-mother be required to invite her children to her wedding?

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Are you a bad mom if you don't invite your children -- especially needy and clingy toddlers -- to your wedding? Should this be one instance where you and your wishes are put first if you so choose?

We all have secrets -- so thanks to this brave mom for sharing her honest thoughts, and thank you for keeping this conversation non-judgemental!


Past Confessions:

You Adopted Her, But She's Still Mine

I Scold Other People's Kids

I'm on Vacation, But My Kid Is Still Going to Day Care

I Favor My Older Child

I Let My Toddler Eat Food Before Paying for It

confessions

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simpl... simplyjaneen

When there are kids in the picture, it can't be just about the husband and wife. The children should be invited to the wedding. If you want time away from the kids, go on a honeymoon, that's understandable, but the WEDDING should include the kids.


And a marriage IS about the day to day stuff, not about the times you can steal away for a moment outside of reality. I think that's why so many marriage end nowadays, the couple can't deal with the reality that a marriage entails, they want the FANTASY of a marriage. It's not like that at all.

Colts... ColtsFan1912

My son will be 18 months at the time of my wedding & def WILL be there (he's my ring bearer) I couldn't imagine walking down the aisle & knowign my son was not there.

MomEv... MomEveryDay

I thought maybe they were very young when I started reading this.  I understand wanting it to just be the two of you, but I think it will hurt your kids a lot longer than you will be irritated about it not just being you two.  I agree with the suggestion of having a ceremony at home, and then the honeymoon for yourselves.

delta... deltacogirl

My mother got married in New Zealand when I was an adult, and I wasn't invited.  It stung.  I considered not inviting her to my wedding, but immediately decided that it would be childish to do so, so she got an invite.  But its an important day, and your children should be there.  Its the first step in blending your families.  Go on a honeymoon without them, but make sure they are there for the ceremony.  Just my opinion, but I know how much that day changed my relationship with my mother.

My2Bo... My2BoyznMe0508

I think that at the ages you listed they should be old enough to understand that you and your SO need time alone together.

MamaS... MamaSueCongdon

My Dad got married without my brother and I there, and it definitely sent the message that their "new family" did not include us. It IS selfish, plain and simple. Even if you just have a small ceremony the kids can be part of, you can still travel and have a nice honeymoon. Things do turn into "all about the kids" - welcome to being a parent.

ozark... ozarkgirl3

If the kids were younger, it would be different. But they are all old enough to understand that parents (especially with that many) are their own people too and need alone time together. Plus, they are probably more upset about not going to the Bahamas than going to the wedding.

travzmom travzmom

my son's father recently did this.  he just announced to me that he had been married for 2 weeks and hadn't even bothered to involve our 4yo or even tell him!  his reasoning is that he wouldn't understand and that he'll think this is just the way it has always been.  i completely disagree.  my son is very smart and i think that he will understand.  i also think that he will be very hurt as he gets older and realizes that he wasn't involved at all.  i just can't imagine myself getting married and not involving my son!

emslala emslala

Speaking as a mother and a stepmother, I think that's pretty selfish. You both have kids- That means he's not just marrying you, and you aren't just marrying him. You are joining 2 families. If you want to be alone and have "couple time", that's what your honeymoon is for, even if it's only for a night or 2.
Personally, my DH & I just got married earlier this month. We did a JP ceremony, but neither of us would even consider doing it without our children present. 

pride... pride4mom

I think IF anybody is being selfish it is the groom and bride....You both have had the first wedding. That is where the kids have come from. If you want to be married and hope it will last don't try to start if off pretending "it is just you and me babe." Both of you should put your kids first and yourselves next. Your kids were in your life when he showed up same with his kids and IF your going into this thinking any other way then you are in for a rude awakening ever heard the old saying Blood is thicker than water it really is.......have a ceremony then a honeymoney...thats normal.

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