Mom Confessions: Our Children Aren't Invited to Our Wedding

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mom confessionsIt's time for a Mom Confession -- because, let's face it, we're real mothers and sometimes it doesn't work the way the parenting books say it should.

This Week's Confession:

I've been engaged for 3 years, and my SO recently announced to our children that he's taking me to the Bahamas to get married and that it's going to be just the two of us.The kids (we have three each 22,17,14,13,12 and 11) all looked kind of hurt that they weren't going to be included.

We talked about it later and he made a good point about how everything we do turns into "all about the kids," and he's right. I thought it might be a good way to start off blending our families, but I'm sure their motives are selfish for wanting to be there.


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Should a mother or future step-mother be required to invite her children to her wedding?

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Are you a bad mom if you don't invite your children -- especially needy and clingy toddlers -- to your wedding? Should this be one instance where you and your wishes are put first if you so choose?

We all have secrets -- so thanks to this brave mom for sharing her honest thoughts, and thank you for keeping this conversation non-judgemental!


Past Confessions:

You Adopted Her, But She's Still Mine

I Scold Other People's Kids

I'm on Vacation, But My Kid Is Still Going to Day Care

I Favor My Older Child

I Let My Toddler Eat Food Before Paying for It

confessions

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Aemelia Aemelia

I say get married at home in a small small ceremony or go down to the justice of the peace take all the kids with you and take them out for a nice meal. 


THEN, go on your honeymoon to the bahamas.  I seriously doubt anyone would think you should take your kids on your honeymoon...if you happen to reconfirm your vows while you are down there...who does it hurt? 


 

madam... madamekatekate

Well, since these children aren't young, you'd think they could understand.


After the bahamas I would come back and have some sort of celebration where everyone is invited.

tracy... tracylynnr67

Not inviting your children because it "always becomes about the kids" is very selfish and to say that the children are the selfish ones for wanting to be included is just a way of making yourself feel better. As a parent it's ALWAYS about your kids, even when they become adults. You include your adult children in family get togethers and events, parenting doesn't end when they hit a certain age. Now, if you want your kids to skip family events as adults, by all means exclude them now. They will exclude you in the future.

StarM... StarMommy77

I am sure all the children feel left out, as they should.. These are 'children' per say but IMO, young adults who have every right to be hurt by being left out at the ceromony that is suppsed to blend their famlies..


I don't think babies and toddlers should be at weddings.. or receptions.. but these chidlren are much, much older.


A Honeymoon is the perfect adult time..

Eeyor... Eeyore3692001

I am a Bio AND Step mom. When I got married to DH, we had a small marriage with pastor witnesses and my bio children, young. I WANTED to invite my stepchildren, or wait until a weekend we had them, to include them. However, the EX would have no part in allowing her children anywhere near us at that time when she found out. It sucks, but we went ahead with it anyway, without them.

south... southpawshelia

How selfish!I would think twice about marrying this guy.My father and step mom got married in 1986and  we found out after the fact .I didn't speak to them for a year.Your kids deserve to be included or at least have an option.

Msaural Msaural

Given the fact that you have been engaged for three years, and your children are all older, I would think your marriage is something they have all been expecting and they have all made plans in their own minds for it.  I think the two of you definitely deserve time away--privately!  However, I agree with the other replies that a small ceremony including the children and a party is very important for them to feel like they were are part of this union.  After all this is the blending of two families and a happy occasion for all of them (hopefully).  Then the two of you could go to the Bahamas and have that romantic ceremony and honeymoon ALONE.  I don't think the children need to be included in that at all.

BJLakso BJLakso

we were not invited to my father in law's wedding. it caused alot of problems within the family. the whole family. we didn't even meet the woman. three almost four years later there are still lots of problems. i would re consider if i were you

JLWil... JLWilson76

I am taking a blended families class at my church and I myself want to include the children in our ceremony because they will feel more like they were included in this life change. The younger children will have to live in this home and are the main ones that really need to feel included now that their life and living arrangements are changing. Yes things may seem like they are all about the children now but that's because they are your children. They  need to know where they fit into this new family. Why not honeymoon there and get married with the kids?

TheSh... TheShryocks

and then what he cuts the children out of your lives completely ??

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