Mom Confessions: Our Children Aren't Invited to Our Wedding

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mom confessionsIt's time for a Mom Confession -- because, let's face it, we're real mothers and sometimes it doesn't work the way the parenting books say it should.

This Week's Confession:

I've been engaged for 3 years, and my SO recently announced to our children that he's taking me to the Bahamas to get married and that it's going to be just the two of us.The kids (we have three each 22,17,14,13,12 and 11) all looked kind of hurt that they weren't going to be included.

We talked about it later and he made a good point about how everything we do turns into "all about the kids," and he's right. I thought it might be a good way to start off blending our families, but I'm sure their motives are selfish for wanting to be there.


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Should a mother or future step-mother be required to invite her children to her wedding?

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Are you a bad mom if you don't invite your children -- especially needy and clingy toddlers -- to your wedding? Should this be one instance where you and your wishes are put first if you so choose?

We all have secrets -- so thanks to this brave mom for sharing her honest thoughts, and thank you for keeping this conversation non-judgemental!


Past Confessions:

You Adopted Her, But She's Still Mine

I Scold Other People's Kids

I'm on Vacation, But My Kid Is Still Going to Day Care

I Favor My Older Child

I Let My Toddler Eat Food Before Paying for It

confessions

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s.teph s.teph

I agree, it's selfish and you're asking for hell when they become teenagers. You want to be a family but only when it's convenient for you? The kids are a package deal. You can't just decide one day that you'd like to go out so the kids simply aren't important. You can't just decide I'd like to go on vacation but you're not invited. That's rude.My father and step mother got married and went on vacation without me and  I'll have to say I'm still upset about it 20 years later. I've gotten used to it, but it still bothers me. You may not want everything to revolve around the kids, but that doesn't mean it revolves solely around you either. If they're not important to you maybe you need to rethink this marriage, because that is incredibly selfish and unbecoming of a step-parent.

lovin... lovinallofthem

i think that  a WEDDING for a BLENDING family is soo pivotal.. and not to include the children no matter how old they are is wrong.. have a small personal ceremony in your house and THEN go to the Bahamas for anther private ceremony and "celebration".. but at their ages, they will def. feel slighted and act out at you  about it.

mom-2... mom-2-4kids

I have to agree with so many other mothers, you should invite the kids. I know you want it to be "Your" day but I think that if you want to be able to live as a family with no problems then you should invite them. My SO and I are planning to get married as well. We have seven children altogether. They range from 15 to 2 years. I can't imagine having such an important event and them not being there to share it with us. In fact, all 7 of them will be a part of my wedding party. Also I think you are being hypocritical, you are worried that they are wanting to go for their own selfish reasons but you are also being very selfish for not wanting to share this special event with your children.

Marle... MarleyDnMe

Do what you and your partner want. I dont think its selfish for you and your soon to be husband wanting to have a private wedding. Weddings are not about pleasing everyone, or a party for everyone else. In my opinion its for the two people who want to make that commitment to love eachother to show it to eachother. Go and have yourself a special wedding at the Bahamas. And congragulations!!!   

s.teph s.teph

"you are worried that they are wanting to go for their own selfish reasons but you are also being very selfish for not wanting to share this special event with your children."This is a very good point actually. So it's selfish for them to want a vacation, but it's not selfish to want to exclude them and go alone? I started out thinking that it might be ok if your child was very very young, but even then the child will grow up knowing that you went without them. The child may not know where the bahamas are now, but they will eventually figure it out. And I'm assuming you'll have great pictures to mark the occasion, what do you say when a kid says "Why didn't you want me there? Where was I?" It may not mean a lot when they're 8 or 9, but when they're teenagers and self esteem starts playing a bigger role, you're asking for trouble. They'll start to question their worth in your eyes, and resentment will build up.

redli... redlily08

Maybe selfish, but NOT necessarily wrong. I understand the kids being shocked, weddings are generally considered big affairs with family invited, so it probably broke their assumptions. That doesn't mean they're incapable of seeing past it. If a couple wants to do a private wedding, then they should, THEN they can have a special family celebration afterwards. Kids come first in needs, but they don't ALWAYS come first.


This isn't a case of boyfriend of one month stealing off the mom. It's about an engaged couple, both being parents, choosing how they want to legally bind themselves. That is a commitment that only requires them to be there.The children aren't marrying each other - even if there was a family event, the marriage ceremony does not determine the success of the family. It's all the moments that surround it, the actual expression of the commitment between the parents to their families.

risas... risas11722

I can understand you wanting the privacy but that is what the honeymoon is for.  I think it is a poor way to start off the new family.

i_am_... i_am_tish

wouldn't you be hurt and upset if they decided not to invite you to their wedding???


i think you are being unreasonable as many women pointed out marrige is a union of two peope and their children, it's a promise for unity....in your case excluding them will say i'd rather do it in a "paradise" setting alone with my SO then to do it with my family...

lady-... lady-J-Rock

oh cool so it won't matter if none of the kids invite mom or step dad to their wedding?

DJGra... DJGraham83

I was not included in my fathers marriage to my second step-mother and felt like it was their way of saying they had no room for me in their new family (even though I lived with him at the time).  I feel it's selfish when there are other options.. such as getting married near home so they CAN be included then honeymooning in the Bahamas without them.  The honeymoon should be for you two.. but when Kids are involved they should see the union of the two families.

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