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Mom Confessions: I Scold Other People's Kids

by Cynthia Dermody on January 2, 2009 at 9:19 AM

hushIt's time for a Mom Confession -- because, let's face it, we're real mothers and sometimes it doesn't work the way the parenting books say it should.

This Week's Confession:

If a child comes in my house and starts breaking the rules, I'll scold them if their parents refuse to. I treat all children the same. I demand respect as well as give respect.

Case in point: My sister-in-law's daughter started swinging these heavy glass objects. Her great grandmother and great aunt told her to stop, but she kept doing it, and her mother was in another part of the house. So I sternly told her to put them down and said if you can't listen, you need to stop playing with them.

The girl threw them, screaming, and ran to her mom. Her mom told her, it's okay, you can play with them, and got mad that I scolded her child.

Question: Should moms be allowed to scold another parent's child?
  1. Yes, including spanking, time-outs or whatever they see fit. 12%
  2. Yes, but only verbal scolding. 61%
  3. No 4%
  4. Only in certain circumstances, I'll explain ... 22%
Total Votes: 630
Voting on polls is not available on The Stir Mobile.

 

Do other parents (not a caregiver or babysitter) have the right to discipline your kid when you are not around -- either in someone else's home or a public place, or when the incident involves their own child?

We all have secrets -- so thanks to this brave mom for sharing her honest thoughts, and thank you for keeping this conversation non-judgemental!

Filed Under: confessions

Comments

111
  • miss_ang
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    miss_ang

    January 2, 2009 at 10:10 AM

    I do playdates with mommy friends of mine and we see something and are not right next the mom we'll say "hey, that's not nice" or whatever and the mom will handle it.  But we will stop the behavior.  If I'm at a friends house and mom's in the other room I'll say "hey, isn't that against your mom's rules, you need to stop" and if that doesn't work I'll call into the mom, "oh, do you let them jump on the couch now?  oh, just checking, they didn't stop when I told them so I wanted to double check."  Then the mom comes in and corrects it. 


  • miss_ang
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    miss_ang

    January 2, 2009 at 10:11 AM

    Now at my house, in my care, their parent is gone, they do follow my rules or they will go to time out at least.  One boy I watched everyday (his mom is my BFF) kept trying to open the car door on the highway and also unbuckling his seatbelt on the highway.  I told him if I saw it again, I was driving to his daddy's work and his daddy would spank him. When I told his dad later he told me to just pull over and spank him then.  He never did it anymore because he knew I would spank him.  My son while in that same couples care opened their door and walked outside and down the street (he's 3) while the adult was using the bathroom.  He heard the front door and their kid told him what happened.  My son was almost down to the main road and yes, they spanked my child for that.  Is it ok if anyone spanks him, no, nor would I spank any child.  But whoever is responsible for keeping my child safe should have the right to discipline in some fashion.


  • hspri...
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    hsprinkel

    January 2, 2009 at 10:41 AM

    my sis in law and i verbally discipline each other's children if need be, def when the other is not around, but sometimes if they are not listening to their mom we help support the other mom.  the problem we have is with her sister who likes to yell at are kids no matter what.  she has no children, and children irritate her.  it does upset me when she yells at our kids when we are right there.  and usually they are being a bit hyper and it is because of christmas or some other holiday when kids are permitted to be a little more loud considering the excitement they feel.  even our kids mention it to us.  how they don't mind listeing to either mom, but do mind the other sister.


  • Addis...
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    AddisMommy0212

    January 2, 2009 at 11:01 AM

    The only other people allowed to displine my child is my mother and my grandmother. No one else is allowed to tell her what to do or anything. My brother does it all the time, and I bitch at him for it. As I am normally sitting right there when he yells at her. I can see what shes doing and if I feel like shes not doing anything wrong then she doesn't need to be punished. She also gets told no at day care but the teacher is spanking her or hitting her. And yes I believe in spanking, I'm sorry. If my child is doing something wrong then I'm going to spank her. But anyways, yes you should be able to tell a child thats in your house what to do. I did over at my neighbors house all the time before we got into a huge fight. The girl has 4 kids, but only had 3 before, and none of the kids would listen unless I was over there, The oldest was 5 and cursing and I was like you need to knock it off or I'm going to beat your butt. I also displine my cousin as well. But I've got permission to displine her as long as I don't smakc her in the face.


  • bigbl...
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    bigblueeyes

    January 2, 2009 at 11:20 AM

    i have no problem with other disciplining my children if i'm not there....what really ticks me off though is when they try to do it when i am standing right there and even more so when theeeeey are yelling ovvvvvver meeeee!!!!!!!......my mil and one sil (that i just don't like anymore!!!)....my mother and step-mom are really bad about it!!!!.....i've had words with them all and they just don't seem to care.....it really irks me!....it's just rude!....i've given others permission to spank my children in my absence....buuuut....it's just that!!!!....myyyyy absence!!!!!!....if i'm not taking care of business then yes....they should step in....and i would do the same of a child in my home!


  • mlreg...
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    mlregalado

    January 2, 2009 at 11:25 AM

    Absolutely! I have no problem with someone telling my kids something if I am not there. I have told kids something before. I was at a relative's holiday party and this child was kicking an antique desk, laying on the floor kicking it. His grandmother told him to stop but she did nothing to make him. I looked at him and told him to quit, he did. I didn't know his dad was standing there watching him do it, otherwise I would have just walked off and rolled my eyes like I always do. Anyway, they are mad at me now, lol.


  • Kryst...
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    Krystian1

    January 2, 2009 at 11:46 AM

    If any kids is swinging glass or doing something that could potentially harm others and there parent is there  or is not there....I would tell them and in and emergency I would yell...for instance 

    My daughter went out back with her regular friend who knows not to go in a horse coral  but this one time there where more kids abd they went in and started putting shampoo on the Horse not only did I yell I walked each kid to their parents and sked them to handle it but since it was my house and my horse and their lives in danger I chewed their buts first.

    I would never let a parent hit my daughter if they ever did I would be FURIOUS! I dont care whar she did .......thats not their right ..I do not hit her ...we run on mutual respect

    However I am not judging anyone else and what they do.....for me love and care takes us there and its all we need!!

    That person you were dealing with to me however is rediculous and she people are a victum of her disrespect and she is teaching her daughter nothing!!

    I would tell her how I felt about the danger in what was going on very clearly and if she did not like it she can keep her spoiled dangerous child at her house so that you

    and your children can be safe!

     


  • catho...
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    catholicmamamia

    January 2, 2009 at 12:18 PM

    QUESTION: Should moms be allowed to scold another parent's child?
    MY ANSWER: "Only in certain circumstances."

    If another mother's child was misbehaving I would not immediately scold because that is not my child or my place..his/her mother should do so. There are some circumstances where "scolding" (I take this word to mean 'verbally reprimanding') another mother's child may be warranted:

    1- if you were placed in charge of the child
    2- if the misbehavior occurred on your property
    3- the misbehavior was endangering anyone


  • 3gymn...
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    3gymnastsmom

    January 2, 2009 at 12:20 PM

    1- if you were placed in charge of the child
    2- if the misbehavior occurred on your property
    3- the misbehavior was endangering anyone

    Right!  However, I do take serious offense if someone scolds my kid in front of me.  Especially if I'm in the process of handling the situation.  Please scold away if I'm not around to see it.


  • StarM...
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    StarMommy77

    January 2, 2009 at 12:51 PM

    I didn't vote, b/c I don't spank. Spanking should not be place in the same spot as a time-out.

    I baby sit children.. Children typically have meltdowns when mom and dad pick up.. It is an emotional release ect.. When it becomes, hitting, spitting in the face, pinching ect.. I have no problem taking the child by the arm and doing a time out to calm down before they go home, all while Mom and Dad watch. Many times Mom and Dad are too afraid to discipline in someone else's home.

    I will correct and scold and positively reinforce my rules in my house. I do it in stores, the library, where ever I am. If Mom and Dad won't, someone needs to. I've had a mother scream at me for taking broken glass out of her 6 yr olds hand at Target. Yea. There are lots of winners out there..

    I also postively reinforce good behavior, good manners, and sharing.. My little ones get Stickers for great days when they go home, helps avoid meltdowns to have their focus on something else when Mom walks through the door.  

     


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