Mom Confessions: I Scold Other People's Kids

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hushIt's time for a Mom Confession -- because, let's face it, we're real mothers and sometimes it doesn't work the way the parenting books say it should.

This Week's Confession:

If a child comes in my house and starts breaking the rules, I'll scold them if their parents refuse to. I treat all children the same. I demand respect as well as give respect.

Case in point: My sister-in-law's daughter started swinging these heavy glass objects. Her great grandmother and great aunt told her to stop, but she kept doing it, and her mother was in another part of the house. So I sternly told her to put them down and said if you can't listen, you need to stop playing with them.

The girl threw them, screaming, and ran to her mom. Her mom told her, it's okay, you can play with them, and got mad that I scolded her child.

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Should moms be allowed to scold another parent's child?

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Do other parents (not a caregiver or babysitter) have the right to discipline your kid when you are not around -- either in someone else's home or a public place, or when the incident involves their own child?

We all have secrets -- so thanks to this brave mom for sharing her honest thoughts, and thank you for keeping this conversation non-judgemental!

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verni... verniemama

I want to explain why I chose "only in certain circumstances" ... There was a time with the "villiage raised the child" but from the looks of our society those days are gone.  If you're out in public you can get into soooo much trouble scolding someone elses child; I wouldn't even attepted it, BUT in my home I would!  Friend of family, when children come over I see to it that they behave.  I have rules and I don't bend them.  Most of the time if the parents think I'm too stricked they just won't bring the kids over.  I can not enjoy my adult company if I have to constantly keep track of their -out of control- children. I love kids, but will I let them come over and have the run of the house?  NO!

Chrys... Chrystal_A

It depends.It depends on if they are related,and what they did wrong.


Ive gotten onto my niece many times w/o even thinking about it..my sil doesnt mind.


Now one day she picked up a knife which grandma left on the table (yes we know BAD) and I yelled at her,she dropped it but went right back,so I smacked her hand and then told the mother myself so she didnt hear it through a grape vine.


I also babysit.I wouldnt dare touch those kids.Time out ,play pen,sitting out of acctivites YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT,but I wouldnt touch them.I have been known to make a full report on behavior though :)

milmi... milmiracle

Personally, I treat most kids the way I treat mine.  When my children have friends over they usually get scolded equally.  If the parent doesn't like it they have the option to not let them come over again.  I will not allow a child to do what I don't allow mine to do.  I wouldn't mind if other parents r like me, it's only fair.  Besides children need limits and boundaries set early to prepare them for adulthood, so some here and some at a friends home is helpful, I think.

RanaA... RanaAurora

Uh, YES other people have a right to discipline your child... and by the way, discipline is NOT synonymous with "punish."


At my mom's house, if my child does something when he's hanging out with her, she is the one who handles it.


If you don't let other people discipline your child, and especially if you undermine others who try, your child will not respect anyone as an authority figure, including teachers or even police officers.


At the park, when another child hits and shoves my child and his mom isn't paying attention, you're damn right I'm going to say something to that child!


NO ONE has the right to spank my child., by the way.

Norah... NorahSethsMommy

If my child is misbehaving in YOUR house and I am either not there or otherwise occupied then it's fine to scold, but not to discipline (other than maybe a short time out, if I am actually not there...like you are babysitting for me or something). Otherwise it should be brought to the mother's attention.


In my house or in public, no one better ever scold my child.

mom2q... mom2queenie2004

I have been known to take care of issues, mostly when the parent is not there. I have though when the parent was. 


We were in church and a boy,,,11-12 years old was pulling apart an offering envelope and using the tears of paper to tickle his father and his sister in their ears. The girl kept telling the dad and the dad just kept blocking the boys hand. It was rather distracting to those behind them. I finally just reached up and grabbed the paper out of his hand with a quietly stern "Knock it off. You are in church!"


Another time, I was at another woman's home for a play date. We have agreed to disagree on parenting issues but this time her 6 year old went to far. They let the boys play with toy guns....I have girls so I won't try to understand..... anyway, He had a nerf dart type of a gun, running through the house popping it off here and there. He came right up to the table we were sitting at, put the gun up to my lips and shot me in the mouth with the dart! I took the gun from him, put it up above on a shelf and told him I better hear an appology quickly. I know his mother and I can attest that nothing has ever been taken away from him, her way is more of a soft "honey we don't do that, please say you are sorry." then the next 25 minutes she is trying to get him to appologize.


Those are the 2 most recent that I can recall when the parent has been present.

mama_... mama_k228

Mom2Queenie, those were crazy!! Shot in the mouth?


Now I won't spank another child (a couple of exceptions-two grandkids whom I had/have a major role in their lives), but I will handle the situation when it arises.  I will give a parent a chance to step up and discipline their child, but if they just sit back and look silly, I'm stepping up.  When my kids' friends are over here, they're treated like my kids.  As another poster said, if you have a problem with that, then maybe your child shouldn't be here.  So far, I'm glad I haven't had any problems.

Harmo... Harmonie640

I would never spank someone elses children, but I would definitely put them in time outs, or use verbal discipline if they are acting inappropriately at my house. Case and point: I set a time limit for my son when he eats his dinner. He is allowed 30 minutes to clear his plate. I do this with him because otherwise he picks and plays with his food for an hour, and then when he gets dessert, wolfs it down. I just don't approve of that. Any persons that come to my house with children are not exempt from my rules. My best friend came over with her daughter, and her daughter took 90 minutes (not exagerating here) to eat a small burrito that I made for dinner. She kept leaving the table to get up and play. My son had long ago finished his dinner (in his timely manner), and recieved a cookie for dessert. My friend was furious that I didn't allow her daughter to have dessert. I politely told my friend, "if you want to buy her dessert when you guys leave here, that's fine. But I have rules, and I stick to them at my house. I don't want Kevin thinking that it's okay to take 90 minutes to eat a small burrito." Also, when her daughter throws things in my house, I do require a minute-per-age, time out. I don't think children should do things that could potentionally harm themselves or others without discipline, and if the parents aren't going to discipline them, I'm not going to allow that behavior go undisciplinened in my home.

snoob... snoober_k

i dont usually- especially if they arent part of my family- but my cousins are a lot younger than me and they are CRAZY SUPERHYPER DISRESPECTFUL LOUD OBNOXIOUS (especially OBNOXIOUS) children and their mom doesnt do a thing about it- so when they come up in my house acting like fools, breaking things and making messes, then yes, they get a good talking to!

Trici... TriciaLynnOK

I would NEVER get physical with someone else's kids unless they were in my care.  I can't say I am totally hands off, but I really don't like physical punishment in most caes but have had to resort to it on occassion.

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