Mom Confessions: I Favor My Older Child

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hushIt's time for a Mom Confession -- because, let's face it, we're real mothers and sometimes it doesn't work the way the parenting books say it should.

This Week's Confession:

"I favor my 8 year old over my 6 year old. My 8 year old is much easier to deal with. My 6 year old throws constant tantrums. Even though I feel that way, they get treated equally. I think a lot of mothers secretly favor one child over the other, either because one is easier to deal with, sweeter, smarter, cuter, whatever the reason. You can't help what you feel inside." --anonymous

"But it should never be shown to the kids," the mom continues. "I know that I love them both the same. I just feel that one is easier to deal with and I'd rather be around (shopping, movies outings) that one. I don't pay my "favorite" more attention. If anything, the other one gets more attention because I feel guilty for favoring one."


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Do you think it's perfectly natural for a mother to favor one child over another, either due to personality or a medical issue the child is going through?

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Total Votes: 391

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Does favoring a child translate into loving them more than another -- even though you might not think so on a conscious level?

We all have secrets -- so thanks to this brave mom for sharing her honest thoughts, and thank you for keeping this conversation non-judgemental!

activities, discipline, siblings, tantrums

49 Comments

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Jynx1978 Jynx1978

I favor my youngest, actually.  I know that sounds awful, but I was much older when I chose to have her, and have been able to bond with her more and appreciate her more than I was my son when he was born (my son will be ten in two months).  I was only 19 when I had my son, and I was almost 29 when I had my daughter.  I guess I harbored some resentment towards my son for all of the things I missed out on, although I know that it wasn't his fault.  IF I had been more responsible, though, I would have missed out on HIM.  I love him more than anything, and I love my daughter more than anything...  I just had a better opportunity to bond with my little girl.

mrssu... mrssundin

i favor my middle son a think a little more then the rest because i know what it was like to be the middle child and fend for your self a lot of the time.  i know that it is not right but i do try to find the time to spend with all of them.

3-B 3-B

Unfortunatly I do feel differantly about my children- I don't know if I'd go so far as to say I favor one or the other but I suppose if the shoe fits... My DD is 8, her father committed suicide when she was 4 months old- she is the spitting image of him and some days it is hard to look at her and not feel the loss of him. Do I treat her differently? NO, but is it easier to cuddle up with my DS and think good thoughts? Yes.

south... southpawshelia

My younger sister was favored.I'm 52 and sometimes resent her now for that reason! I was the picked on one.I have finally given up on my Father's approval .He doesn't deserve it.If you are favoring your child please stop because emotional scars are hard to heal.Even though a forgotten child doesn't say anything wrong ,it doesn't mean there isn't!!

mirinda mirinda

My mom used to tell me that she loves me always, but sometimes she doesn't like me......and I think that sums up how I feel about my two kids. 


It depends on the day, the mood, you name it as to who is in the limelight for the time being.  The most important thing is making sure that all your kids know you love them, even if a sibling happens to need more attention.

Summe... SummerBall

It is NOT natural to try and favor them eQUALLy.  You want them to feel loved hte same.

cowgi... cowgirlmama

I don't know. I only have one child, I feel like my mother did not favor one of us over the other one. She treated us both equally. If by chance she did favor one of us over the other one in her mind, she never showed it. And I don't ever want to know which one of us it was, if that was the case. And I bet you. She will never tell. And I will be the same with my children, if we ever have a second.

Beans... BeansMamaBear

I only have one child but this saddens me to think it could be possible to some day favor one over the other sad

nonmember avatar Don'tDoIt

I was the youngest of two girls, I know what it's like to see a sibling get favored. The child will know it, they study your reactions to each of them. I was considered the sweeter, more obedient chld. My sister was very difficult, strong willed. Yet my mom favored her, still does till this day. Underneath all of my mother's behavior it's because she never wanted a second child. It took me years to get over the pain of knowing that and realizing it didn't matter what she thought of me because God is the one who formed me and decided that I had a purpose for Him in this world. While you may shrug off the idea that you favor your older child, just realize you feel guilt for a reason. It's because it's wrong. You should never favor one child over another. You feel that way because of your own issues in not feeling like you can cope with the different more aggressive child. When in fact, neither asked to be born. You may say that you don't treat them differently, but it sounds like you hang around more with the older child, and thus having to compensate the younger one later for the neglect. I suffered a lot of neglect because of it too. Can you believe my parents NEVER took me to see a dentist? But my oldest sister did frequently. I was never care for correctly and to this day it still lacks. I've had to move on from a lot of that pain. But please, listen to my story, and don't do this anymore to your youngest. God bless.

cutes... cutestbabys

I treat my kids equal


 

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