5 Reasons I Envy Single Moms

I used to feel sorry for single moms: So frazzled! So vulnerable! Then I got to know a few of them who made me do a 180 and think: Man, they have it better than me. Yes, on most days I don't envy single moms, but there are a few moments when I do. And while I'm sure I'm romanticizing what it's like a wee bit, here are five reasons single motherhood still looks pretty darn good from a married mom's perspective:

  1. Single moms have zero expectations for help from a spouse, and thus are never disappointed. Since I have a husband, I often expect him to help out… then he doesn’t. So I constantly have my hopes dashed that hubby will be home in time to help me cook dinner, clean up, give my daughter a bath, and put her to bed. As a result, I am perpetually resentful and bitter. Single moms have no one to be angry at, at least not on a daily, in-their-face basis.
  2. Single moms don't have to compromise their parenting practices. I don't mind if our four-year-old falls asleep in my bed, only my husband hates it. I prefer to brush my daughter's teeth to make sure it's done right; my husband thinks she's being a baby and should brush her own. As a result of these differences, my husband and I argue, a lot, and I'm forced to compromise what I think is best for my child. Single moms, on the other hand, get to raise their kids the exact way they want to, no compromise necessary. That is, assuming the dad is out of the picture. Or if the dad is still around, that leads to my next perk...
  3. If the dad is in the picture, single moms get plenty of time to themselves. Joint custody sounds like heaven: You get to drop off your kid for weekends or even entire weeks! You get to meet your friends for lunch, dinner, drinks, parties, all-night benders, and it doesn't cost a dime in babysitting. Of course, single moms might miss their kids a little, but the benefits outweigh the downsides here, at least in my book.

    More from The Stir: 35 Real-Life Examples of What Not to Say to Moms Without Husbands


  4. Single moms get to date. When I hang with my married mom friends, conversations revolve around sleep training and preschool applications... boring! With single moms, though, there's no shortage of drama about guys they're dating, dumping, sexting...all in all, tons of vicarious thrills. Sure, dating as a single mom may be brutal, but it also sounds way more exciting than my life.
  5. Single moms can feel intensely proud of themselves. Sure, as a mom, I do pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for keeping my kid alive so far. Still, I share that responsibility with my husband, so it's not quite as impressive as going it alone. Single moms may face a hard road, but at the end of the day, single moms can pat themselves on the back and say they did it: They got Jimmy to school, made dinner, paid the bills, fixed the dishwasher, etc. and have no one to thank for this feat but themselves. That must feel pretty darn cool.

 

Do you envy single moms for anything they get to do that you can't?

Image © Zack Seckler/Corbis

being a mom

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AliPa... AliParker

My closest friend is a single mom and while I would never trade with her, I get so jealous that she has so much free time. She and her child's father do not have a set schedule so it's basically whenever she wants. Mostly weekends. And the parenting basically alone. Funny, my husband is the same about teeth brushing, they parent differently and she never has to argue anymore.

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

All very true. I do know a few single mothers who will admit they have it easier but they're outnumbered by those who play the martyr.

nonmember avatar Heather

Sounds like you are talking about single mom's with a very involved father. If you are in my position it's all on me 24/7. At least with a husband you can still go on the occasional night out with the girls or get a break when he gives them their nightly bath. Truly going it alone is really stressful and not fun like you assume. As for dating... try finding someone who not only loves you but also loves your bratty 7 year old and wild 2 year old. I think you believe the grass is greener on the other side but unless you have a horrible marriage it definitely is not.

nonmember avatar Janelle

Spoken like a person who has no idea what it is like to be a single mom. Horrid article filled with complete crap. Your lack of knowledge really shows in this. Did you actually pitch this to anyone or they just let anything get written CRAP

nonmember avatar Tinky

They get time to themselves as a perk? Have you ever left your kids with someone you have bad history with? Imagine taking your child to your ex boyfriends house and not knowing what he could tell your child about you, what level of responsibility he will maintain for their safety, and what rules will be enforced on your child. I never want to be a single mother. My mom did it for a little while while I was a kid and she worked 12 hours a day in a factory while I stayed with my grandma. She missed my first steps, because she was working the day away. Her time alone was while I stayed a court appointed weekend with my meth addicted father! Can you imagine the terror of not knowing who was around your child? This article really got under my skin.

IKnow... IKnow0101

I think you need to call a divorce lawyer. This is the second article that you complain about your husband. If you want out its ok.

AliPa... AliParker

While being a single mom is not easy,she spefically said "when the father is involved". No need to take a light hearted article up the ass and play martyr as Rhondaveggie pointed out. The grass is always greener in certain ways on the other side. Married parents argue, there is always someone elses opinion you have to consider before doing the slightest things. And realistically no one cares if you're a single parent or a two parent household. Everyone has struggles and stories to tell. Parents and non-parents alike.Someone always has it worse than you. That does not mean you can't bitch, because your situation is yours, and for you it sucks so saying someone has it worse really does not help. But you never know what is happeneing in someone elses life.

drago... dragonflyvee

#3 and #4 don't apply to me but I agree with the rest. However, parenting is not an easy job! You should feel proud as a mom regardless of your relationship status!

Annie Banannie

This is the stupidest thing I've ever read

nonmember avatar boxing momma

While I count single moms as those women who have children who's father is still involved (not guys who are basically dead beat dad's and just try to chime in when it feels convenient or are basically just there cut they feel it's why they are supposed to do and make the moms life hell). I'm currently going through a pretty amicable divorce but my ex is still very involved in a loud child's life so I don't count myself as a single mother, even though I have her the majority of the time. There are parts that really suck, like not knowing what is going on when she is with her dad and missing her, I have to say I agree with a few of the points. Mainly the free time. I have every other weekend where I can go an do something other than be mom. Heck this last weekend I got to read a whole book without interruption!!! Like I said I don't consider myself a single mom because my ex is very involved, so maybe I have it easier than most in my situation and for that I am truly blessed.

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