Postpartum Depression Peaks a Lot Later Than You Think

2

Like most moms, I'd heard about postpartum depression, and was relieved when -- aside from a few weepy moments following the birth of my daughter -- it appeared I'd been spared. Yet a new study argues that even though my daughter is now four, the spectre of postpartum depression isn't long gone, but more imminent than ever.

After examining long-term data on over 1500 women who'd given birth, researchers from the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute in Australia found that postpartum depression peaks at four years after a child's birth. At this point, the prevalence of depressive symptoms in moms was 14.5 percent, higher than at any point in the first 12 months postpartum. The study also found that postpartum depression is even more common if the mom has only one child.

Given my own daughter is four and an only child, this study had me worried. After all, at four, most kids can pretty much feed and dress themselves, wipe their own butts... so shouldn’t moms feel like they’re seeing the light at the end of a four-year tunnel? Yet perhaps that’s the very reason depression can set in: With a child’s growing independence, moms may feel less useful and lacking in purpose.

My daughter is a prime example of this: At four, rather than clinging to  me every second, she's begun shutting her bedroom door in my face, asking for "privacy," and seeming way more excited to spend time with her friends than with me. After years of being deprived of me-time, I suddenly have plenty of it, which allows me to sit back and actually look at my life... and what I see is not necessarily so pretty.

"It is the decrease in chaos that raises many questions: Do I want more kids? Do I want to work? Am I happy in my marriage? What now?" says Lauren Napolitano, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist and author of the upcoming book Over-Scheduled & Under-Sexed: How Busyness is Destroying Your Marriage. Many experts, it turns out, say this rise in depression once kids turn four makes perfect sense.

"Growing independence in children allows the woman to focus on herself, and, if her own personal happiness is challenged, she may feel more depressed than when she was caregiving more intensely for her child," says Claudia Luiz, a psychoanalyst and author of Where's My Sanity? "In all likelihood, this depression would resurface again during empty-nest syndrome."

The lesson I took home from this study? That moms shouldn't put their lives on hold for the sake of their kids. Because if they do, they could end up depressed once their kids are grown, even as early as four. As a mom who often felt guilty over the past four years for tearing myself away from my daughter to work or see my friends, this study brings me some measure of relief. It suggests that all my "selfish" me-time may have served an important purpose as a depression deterrent. And that, of course, makes me happy.

 

Did you get depressed when your child turned four?


Image via Gabriela Camerotti/Flickr

being a mom

2 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

mrsary mrsary

No. I got less depressed. He is 4.5 now and the independence is a relief. I finally get to rest more after 9 years of always having a toddler in the home.

nonmember avatar me

no, not at 4, but when my youngest was about 6 mos, middle was 2 and oldest 5, i started having severe panick attacks and got some depression symptoms. It lasted almost a year, where every day all i could do was worry about dying and what would happen to my kids. It eventually lifted, i still get anxiety occasionally, my youngest is 7, but now i quickly recignize it and just breathe thru it lol I had wondered if it could be post partum related but because it started so much later, i thought i was going crazy all on my own..

Lea Voda

When I gave birth to my first son, i cryed on the second evening in a hospital and when we came home I cryed just now and then but never felt depression. 4,5 yrs later i gave birth to my second boy and everything was fine untill i had to come home with him. I think that many things that were happening before made me shut down when i came home. I stared at the wall for two days. I only did what my dear housband told me that i needed to do. I didn't eat, go to the bathroom, feed the baby unless he told me i had to. It's as if i just didn't want or needed anything. As if my caring part fell asleep. On the third day my 4,5 yr old son came to me and said "mommy, i'm afraid for you" and hugged me and wouldn't klet go for hou8rs. And then it was as if i came back to my senses and cryed for hours, at first a few tears and later on sobbing and whining like a hurt animal. I know that this sounds like I'm exagureting but that's exactley what happened. I fell asleep for 11 hours straight, and when I woke up I could function again. Later on my dear told me that he was getting weri frightened for me, cause i seemed completly numb and like i wasn't there. Everythig ended just a few months ago, after a 1,5 yr struggle not to crack every time something went downhill.

1-2 of 2 comments