Judgy Moms Have No Business Telling Other Moms How to Raise Their Kids

Don't judge other moms lest you be judged yourselfBack when I was a brand new mom, or heck, even before I had kids, I was pretty judgy of other moms. I admit, it's easy to see someone loading their children up on candy or strapping them into a kid leash and say to yourself, "I'd never do that."

Granted, there are some things that I will never, ever not judge; Coca Cola in a baby bottle will make me cringe every single time.

But overall, I've realized that parenting context is everything, which is why I bite my tongue way more than I ever did before.

Maybe it's because I have four kids now and keeping up this idea of perfection is completely impossible. As in, I'd never be able to physically survive if I didn't make some accommodations.

That means sometimes they watch videos or play games in the car. Sometimes I give them candy that I have yet to pay for at the grocery store so I can make it through my shopping trip.

But these days, I'm way less judgmental of what other parents choose to do with their kids. Well, so long as they're not harming them.

I realize that many of us -- maybe even most of us -- have a pretty good reason why we make the choices we do. And a lot of times, it's completely on the fly, out of survival mode or desperation.

I'm pretty sure parents don't necessarily plan to ply our kids with chocolate while we're out and about, but if it means we can make it through that errand without a complete meltdown, well, then we do what we have to do.

Other times, you're only seeing a small snippet of the entire situation, like today when I carried my 5-year-old into preschool.

I know I got a couple of looks from the other moms considering she's pretty big now and can certainly walk on her very own.

But she's also my third child and had to grow up quickly, with an older brother only 20 months before her and a younger sister almost exactly two years younger than her.

So sometimes, I give her extra special attention. I baby her. Because she never really got a chance to be babied when she was little.

I actually think it's healthy for her. And for me too.

Of course, it looks like I'm completely spoiling my big girl, who is walking into a place where she's learning how to be completely independent. And I know that we're often trying to get our big kids to do more things on their own.

But I think if those moms knew the context, they'd understand. Maybe they'd even try it themselves.

It's situations like those and the many others I encounter with other parents on an everyday basis that really makes me rethink judging.

Sure, if your kid takes a crack at my kid on the playground, I'm not going to be completely thrilled. Though I know we all have bad days, kids included. 

And I don't love seeing people out at grocery shopping with their kids at 11 p.m., but I could see where they might have to.

(Okay, that's a bit of a stretch. I am only human, after all!)

Either way, I have really learned to keep my mouth shut. Not just my outside voice, but the one inside my head. If anything, I can use that energy for other things. Like minding my own kids. And business.

Do you judge other moms? C'mon, admit it.

 

Image via kryziz/Flickr

boys, confessions, tantrums

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Snapp... SnappleQueen

Sanctimommies are usually bad parents which is why they judge other parents in an effort to make themselves feel better. 

Sarah... SarahHall58

SnappleQueen THANK YOU. Either bad parents or very insecure people. Or they are entitled and think everything they do is the most amazing and everyone else is wrong.

Roche... RochesterGal

I think we judge people no matter what the circumstances are, until we walk in their shoes.  Parenting was an easy target for me, until I had kids and it was humbling to realize how wrong I was for more reasons than one.  Stopping judgemental behavior comes with maturity and experience, now I think to myself when I see parents struggling with their kids, "boy am I glad I am not in their shoes", as opposed to "I would do this, that and other thing much differently than they are". 

nonmember avatar SavansMom

Any women who claims she doesn't judge is completely full it and has done it at some point. I've had my moments but also experienced a few times when it was obvious I was being judged. It's not a good feeling being on either side.

nonmember avatar SavansMom

Any women who claims she doesn't judge is completely full it and has done it at some point. I've had my moments but also experienced a few times when it was obvious I was being judged. It's not a good feeling being on either side.



I now find myself just like RochesterGal stated..."glad I'm not in their shoes".



We all just need to remember, we never know the whole story and every parent has challenging moments.

Em Chappell-Root

Had a mom giving me judgy looks the other day as I unloaded my four kids at the store and put my 3 year old on a back pack leash (she wants to walk but tends to wander). Then her kid tried to run into the street and she had to chase him, leaving two other kids standing by her SUV. I admit, I judged her as a judgmental dumb butt. My husband and I admit our limits and that kids are sometimes erratic, and plan accordingly. We plan for the worst. I will shake my head in wonder when other moms don't and then are surprised when things go wrong. 

Austi... Austinsmommy12

^^ yes!!! I had an acquaintance tell me she would "never ever" put her child on a backpack leash or harness, and I replied "well good luck when she wrestles away from you and darts in front of a car before you can stop her". She said that was awful to say and I told her that it was awful to not anticipate it and to think your kid will listen 100% of the time. My son is 17 months and LOVES to run outside at home, and he doesn't yet understand that home concrete and Target concrete aren't created equal. For that reason, he has a super cool monkey harness he sports when we go out in public.

baker... bakermom2411

I worry about how I raise my kids and that's it. If someone doesn't like it I politely tell them these are my kids. Those are yours. Unless you are raising my kids don't worry about what I do with them. I don't worry about yours. Every child is different and you may even do certain things differently with each of your kids. Whatever works and as long as the kids are being TAKEN CARE OF who cares?

lizilli lizilli

I used to think to myself that I would NEVER put my kid on a leash.  Then I had child number 3!  This child was a wiggler from conception and climbed bookcases before he could walk, so I ended up eating my words!  I had one hand for each of my older children, number 1 and 2 and when necessary, a leash for number 3 for walking across the street or a parking lot or a hiking trail.  Number 3 wouldn't hold my hand he thought it was for dangling and swinging.  OMG how I ate my words.  I also couldn't go the the bathroom alone until he was big enough to leave alone in a room the the 2 minutes I was behind a closed door.  One day I came into the kitchen and found him to pushing a chair over to the counter so he could climb up there.  Yeah, a Big Hand Full.  He turned out to be an honor roll student and is now in a leadership fraternity at university, you just never know.

2nsingle 2nsingle

@rochestergal I was glad I wasn't in their shoes before I had kids and afterwards, lol.  When I see ppl in uncomfortable situations before I had kids I imagined myself in the same situation and it made scared to have my own kids.  Thank God I rose to the occasion when I had my own, but I still have those times when I see a toddler throwing a tantrum in the middle of the store and I do a mental sigh of relief that I'm passed that stage. 

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