Peaches Geldof, who sadly died at the age of 25 this week, loved being a mother. The British socialite and mom to two gushed about her adorable kids, Astala, 23 months, and Phaedra, nearly 12 months, every chance she got. If you look at her Twitter or Instagram pages, the photos of her kids, accompanied by loving captions, go on and on. Peaches' children were her life.
Earlier on in the year, Peaches began writing a parenting column for U.K.'s Mother & Baby Magazine in which she talked about her experiences and feelings as a mother. As a tribute, and with the "blessing of her family," Peaches' beautiful and haunting final column was just published.
An excerpt from the essay reads:
Before having two fat little cherubs under two (who expect attention and military-esque devotion to their every need 24 hours a day), I lived a life of wanton wanderlust. With fun-loving friends from Los Angeles to London, I was lost in a haze of youth and no responsibilities. Other than work, there was nothing stopping me from having constant fun. But it was becoming boring. I wanted an anchor -- I craved it. And, when I had two wailing, smiling, joyful little blobs of waddling pink flesh, they became my entire existence, and saved me from one of pure apathy.
Not every parent has lived a life of "wanton wanderlust with fun-loving friends from Los Angeles to London" pre-children, but, for many, once the post-college partying fun begins to die down, it can be a bit of an aimless existence. Kids aren't for everyone, not by a long-shot, but there does seem to come a point in many people's lives (mine certainly) when you just want something that grounds you; something that makes your decisions for you.
I never was the person who wanted children ever since she was a little girl, but there came a point when I craved something outside of myself, if that makes any sense. When the pangs first started, I probably didn't even realize it was children I desired (and biology at play, perhaps?), but I just was ... restless in my life. It was certainly nice, taking vacations when I wanted and going out to late-night dinners, but there was this constant low-grade feeling that I wanted something more.
Being a parent isn't easy, and I'd be lying if I said I never fantasized about the days I slept in on weekends, or when my husband and I ran out to Whole Foods at 9:30 at night for ridiculously overpriced cartons of ice cream for ourselves. But I feel more ... settled now that I have a child. And happy. And less like I'm looking for the missing pieces of my life.
Again, children are certainly not for everyone, but that's been my experience as a mother. My daughter brought everything full circle, and the "searching" stopped. I wouldn't necessarily say I lived a life of "pure apathy" before her, but like Peaches said, in many ways, she's my "existence" now. And it's nice to have that.
Do you feel like having children grounded you in a way you didn't suspect?
Image via Peaches Geldof