Top 10 Reasons I'm Glad My Child Is a Girl

I always said I wanted a girl. My wife thought I secretly wanted a boy to continue my legacy, and that I said this only to cover my ass.

Um ... my legacy of what? Unemployment because I was stupid enough to choose what I love doing for a career? Relationship strife because I'm selfish and don't listen? I'm so elated and proud to have sired a member of the better sex, and here are my Top 10 reasons why ...

  1. Girls are smarter and mellower. They don't dart out into traffic through open front doors, climb on kitchen cabinets and, later, blow shit up and dedicate the rest of their lives to getting laid.
  2. Better listening and social skills. While male brains stress perception and action -- forming connections mostly across the front and rear of the left (logical) side -- female brains are more connected across the left and right (intuitive) sides. This goes a long way toward explaining the mess that male rulers have made of this world.
  3. The giving birth thing.
  4. Crying in public without being considered a mental patient. Society doesn't program girls to hide emotions at all costs. But girls also have the freedom to act masculine, to choose aggression over vulnerability or a dress shirt instead of a dress.
  5. My daughter can become a powerful professional. It may be more difficult (hopefully less so by the time she grows up) but the flip side is that she'll have more of a choice about whether to have a career. (If she ends up a housewife, like her dad, she will probably feel better about doing it than I do.)
  6. No circumcision question. I am against any invasive, involuntary cosmetic surgery. And this stance would have alienated me from my wife and my Jewish family.
  7. She can volunteer if she wants, but my daughter is not likely to be drafted into military service against her (and my) will due to the poor decisions of world leaders who are men.
  8. No kicked-in-the-balls pain. This nearly ruined sixth grade for me, Jon Farber, and our other moron friends.
  9. Whatever sex our kid was going to be, 5-foot-4 was its predetermined height. I am 5-foot-5, despite what my driver's license claims. My wife is 5-foot-3 and neither of our families sport any mutant tall people. Having experienced the joy that is being six inches shorter than your middle-school homeroom as a male, I didn't want another human subjected to it simply because of my decision to procreate.
  10. Sex whenever she wants -- and is old enough. (Like, say, in her early 30s.)

What makes you happy or unhappy about your child's gender?


Image via Corey Levitan

confessions, girls

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Einyn Einyn

This was cute but it's bound to bring out the sanctimommies in 3, 2, 1..

Zoras... ZorasMommy

My daughter is fearless. She darts into traffic and accross parking lots. She jumps from whatever height she can climb to. She is a much more active, non-listening child than my son was at her age. And her tantrums are so much worse than his were. Maybe this is due to their age difference (15 months) and her not getting all the one on one time he did. Or because it is just her personality. My son is just much easier to please and be around.

TheMi... TheMillerFamily

My son is definitly the crazy one and my daughter even at 3 years old is much more logical in her thinking which also makes for a harder time for me when she really wants something because she figures out a way to get it (manipulation is a strong suit for her LOL). For example her first time not getting picked up after asking "mommy pick me up" and my refusal was "Mommy, can I hold you?"!  Now how do you say no to that! :)

caleb... calebsmama12312

Too cute! I would have been happy with either sex but now that I have a boy I can't imagine having a girl first. Also I would definitely be more intimidated about the teenage years w a girl. Maybe someday though...

tbruc... tbrucemom

Is it just me or does anyone else wish this guy would just get a job already and quit writing about what a loser he is! Look, I'm all for a man staying home with the kids and doing the housework if that's what his wife and him agree upon, but he constantly talks about how he doesn't do the housework, that it's causing trouble in his marriage, etc. 

Heather Lester

I'm with the last two poster's...  Any time I see something written by this guy I generally move on and refuse to read it.  The jab at trying to be satirical isn't quite getting to it's mark.  But when I saw this one I thought, maybe I'll give it a try.  Let's see if he can pull funny out.  I'm actually quite weirded out by 10 and not surprised at all that yet again I question how this man is married and allowed to write on a female dominated discussion/blog forum... Had I been his ever so lucky bride whom is on again off again wanting a threesome but he only lets up on her about it when she cries I'd have taken the life plea deal after knocking him upside the head with a cast iron skillet.  That's just me though. 

Todd Vrancic

Well, my middle child (a girl) was, and is, fearless.  But I get that this is a humor article and it did afford me a chuckle or two.

Paws84 Paws84

This we a cute article, but I disagree with #7. Women should most definetly be included in the draft. They're always the first ones that think they can do everything a man can, and better. They wanted the combat roles. Men didn't want women included in those jobs, women did. They need to be in the draft with men. It's only fair. Bitches always expect to have their cake and eat it too.

nonmember avatar pleese

Oh please, give him a break! It is totally fine to talk about not doing your house chores and having a messy house with your girlfriends but when a guys says it: woo! What a looser! Seems to me that sexists comments are not only man's domain. I am quite disappointed seeing this double standard. Guess what, I am part time working mom of 3 and my husband believes in every one of my dreams and supports me on them. Artists are needed in our society just like blue collard workers. Personally, I think it's good to have a dad's perspective. Don't eat him alive woman! If you don't like it, move on. Why leave a nasty comment?

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