10 Signs You're a 'Slacker Mom'

momThere's a new mom label in town, ladies: Slacker Mom. Who is slacker mom, you ask? Well, she may be your friend, your coworker, maybe even you?! She's intimidating as all get out, and not because she's Super Mom incarnate -- you know, the woman who wouldn't let a centimeter of plastic within a 50-mile radius of their child/the woman who breastfeeds twins while French braiding her toddler's hair. Slacker Mom is, so they say, terrifying, because she DGAF. And she'll make you feel like a loser for bathing and feeding your children. Just kidding. Kind of.

All of us have likely encountered Slacker Mom before. She brags about being a "bad mom" in a sanctimommy way, if you know what I mean. Of course, she's probably a lot more capable/loving/attentive than she makes herself seem, but being a Slacker Mom has become her identity.

How do you know if you're a Slacker Mom? You've likely said one of the following:

1. "You read your toddler bedtime stories?! Ha! That's so lame! I send my 3-year-old with an Us Weekly and start drankin'!"

2. "My daughter watched about four hours of Yo Gabba Gabba today. Wanna know what I did? Nothin'!"

3. "My son usually wakes up around 7, and then around 9 or so, I'll go and grab him."

4. "You make your kid's food from scratch? What a loser! If it ain't in a can or a package, I ain't buyin' it."

5. "I usually put my kids down around 5, so I can unwind."

6. "You haven't had a night out in a year? Peshaw! I'll let anyone with a pulse watch my kids. And even that is up for discussion."

7. "Eh, I'll let my kid cry for three to four hours before checking up on them. It's fiiiiine."

8. "You use organic, biodegradable diapers? What a waste of money. I use a paper towel and some washi tape."

9. "Never mind breastfeeding, I'm not even bottle feeding! I'm letting my kid fend for themselves!"

10. "When I was 5, my parents left me home alone for a week with nothing but a switch blade and a case of water and I'm fine. Would I do that to my kids? Probably not."

Do you know any Slacker Moms?

 

Image via Kris Ubach and Quim Roser/cultura/Corbis

boys, discipline, girls

22 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

Choco... Chocodoxies

Clearly this writer has absolutely no concept of sarcasm. I have said before that "if they fall less than four feet they are fine". Would I not check on my child? Of course I would, but I am certainly not following two feet behind them at the park like half of the mother's I see there. Let your kid breath! Let them ride a bike, get dirty, get lost in a world of imagination that you didn't design to enhance their SAT scores. Get over yourselves. Show your children you love them and you will go to bat for them, then sit back and let them just BE.

the4m... the4mutts

I think Choc is the one that doesn't understand sarcasm. The tag on this blog is "LoL"

And while I didn't find it particularly funny, at least I understand that it was supposed to be.

Choco... Chocodoxies

The fact that it was supposed to be, but isn't is proof that the writer doesn't understand sarcasm. 

nonmember avatar Vriska

Lol the last two I have said when in a sassy mood. Usually around people being sanctimommies.

Bryce Bryan Taylor

I have a thing about pushing kids on swings.  I don't do it.  I did it early in my children's years, but got wise very fast when EVERY other kid on the playground wanted pushed.  I just had a nephew ask me to push him on swing, to which I said no, and his mother looked at me like I cut his left arm off.  I find it hysterical.  LOL!

Belle... BelleVernonGirl

I think the writer was pretending to be funny but she prob is one of those helicopter parents who believes this shit...yup I'm a slacker and my kids lived!

nonmember avatar nicolemommyof2

I didnt find it funny at all....

nonmember avatar HeatherJo

I'm kind of a slacker mom and I'm okay with it. My kid is awesome, well-adjusted and quite frankly not as much of a whiner as most three year olds I know and see. I don't hover and if he falls, I don't run unless there's a legit bloodcurdling or prolonged scream, or a notable amount of blood. He also doesn't get a bath every single day. Sometimes I let him watch WAY too much TV..But hey, he's fed, happy and breathing, so what the hell...see what I did there?

1-10 of 22 comments 123 Last
F