I Lie to My 2-Year-Old & Couldn't Be Prouder Of It

I will never lie to my daughter. I remember promising this to myself. That was before we got her the "phone" that was really an iPod Touch. And before we started taking it out of her crib at bedtime, claiming that it needs charging. And before we told her that frozen yogurt was ice cream.

Then there are the Top 3 lies we all tell our kids: (1) If you don't come with me now, you're staying here; (2) We're almost there; and (3) We'll come back tomorrow.


We are now so comfortable lying to our two-year-old, it has become a game, with the best perjuries rating mother/father high fives. (Hmm. I wonder if this is how Bernie Madoff got his start.)

For instance, Skylar currently thinks that her Playskool Elmo guitar -- which has neither a volume control nor an on/off switch and shrieks, "Are you ready to rock with Elmo?!" whenever approached, only "rock" sounds like "whack," which could just be my imagination since the Elmo scandal -- is broken and needs to be fixed. (Actually, once the garbage truck shows up, it will be broken and need to be fixed, so that wasn't even a lie.)

Being a serial liar can bite you in the ass, however, although this will probably not stop you. And so I learned that calling your beer a "coffee" spares you no grief if, in the supermarket, your child cracks passersby up by pointing to every six pack and yelling: "Look, it's daddy's coffee!"

What are your favorite things to lie to your kid about?

Image via Grand Parc-Bordeaux, France/Flickr

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