Preschool Teacher: "I Don't Want Kids"

on December 9, 2008 at 1:03 PM

How would you feel if your son or daughter's preschool teacher liked her job well enough but hated the idea of parenthood? Would you still send your child to that school?

I wonder if, deep down, a person who's missing the parenting gene is less capable of caring for and teaching your child than someone else who is or wants to be a mom someday. Could it be akin to the male gynecologist trying to empathize with the woman in labor, or the parentless pediatrician offering tips on dealing with tantrums?

In case you're wondering why someone might feel this way, a Babble.com essay from a preschool teacher who doesn't want kids shares her reasoning:

"The pressure to be the best version of myself as a teacher and a person for my kids is huge and scary, even as one of many in the cast of characters in each of their lives. The idea of being a mother and therefore The One, the axis on which a child's world orbits, terrifies me.

"And while my kids reflect the love and care they're given in simple ways, a relationship with a child is not fully reciprocal. To give to kids all day long is often to throw love into a vacuum. As much as I believe in the importance of the work that I do, it often depletes me. I wince at the edge in my voice at the end of a particularly challenging day. How much sharper would it get if a child's needs came at me twenty-four hours a day instead of thirty-odd hours a week? I don't care to find out."

About the author Cynthia Dermody

is The Stir's Managing Editor who has trophies in her home for her skills at the Irish Jig. She makes cupcakes with as many fattening ingredients as possible, doesn't comb her hair for months at a time, and was probably a faerie in a former life.

Filed Under: child care, nursery school

Comments (12)

Loveplusmama

on Dec 9, 2008 at 1:09 PM

One of my son's daycare teachers, actually, the lead teacher in his room, doesn't have kids. She is caring, provides structure and is great at her job. My son LOVES her. I don't know if she doesn't want kids or is unable to have kids, but either way, she's a great addition to our daycare. I don't think a person's willingness to have children of their own would dictate whether or not they could be a preschool teacher.

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dsteiner23

on Dec 9, 2008 at 2:27 PM

I worked in a preschool and an infant-toddler center long before I ever had children. I don't think being or wanting to become a parent is or should be a requirement for being a fully competent and loving childcare provider.

WillDoDa

on Dec 9, 2008 at 3:06 PM

I thnk that some people are AWESOME with kids short term but would have a very hard time dealing with a child one on one 24/7. I know that "I" Have a hard time with it, a VERY hard time with it. I actually respect that they know about kids well enough to know that they dont want any. Maybe that will change in the future, but I think that it's possible that they might lose some of their ability with the kids in their class if they had a child at home of a similar age because they are already on edge having spend all day and night with their own child, and we all know our own kids push our buttons and can make us crazy very easily.

AmaliaD

on Dec 9, 2008 at 3:08 PM

While i worked in preschool i did not want kids. I spent way too much time with other people's children, observed their stresses and mistakes and grew from the experience. I was an excellent teacher because i had all of my energy to pour into the children i worked with! i think it helped me to focus on my job. As a mom i find that i am more distracted at work than every before... thinking about my to-do's, plans for the weekend, Christmas plans, how my son is doing at school himself today, etc... just because a teacher says she doesn't want kids doesnt mean that she never wants kids, she is just logical enough to know it is not time yet... i see it as a benefit as long as they are a caring teacher.

richgirljj

on Dec 9, 2008 at 3:15 PM

Why should being a parent or wanting to be a parent qualify a person for a job? I had the best teacher in elementary school. She was never married nor had children. What does one have to do with the other?

momofsaee

on Dec 9, 2008 at 3:42 PM

Its not as clear cut as yes or no. I think I would have spend some time with her. I wouldn't automatically say NO at all. I think I would gauge it on whether or not she was a good teacher. I think that being a mom makes you a BETTER teacher, but if youre good then youre good. I can totally empathize with her feeling drained at the end of the day and not wanting to care for a child. I also respect her seriousness about motherhood. Had we all taken the seriousness of this into consideration...we would have many less kids and we would do a better job. Most of us don't even think about the fact that we shape who are children are by who we are. I also think shes a bit fearful. Better that, than reckless, I suppose.

JasonsMom2007

on Dec 9, 2008 at 4:36 PM

I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting kids of her own. I worked in a preschool long before I had children. It was nice to be able to come home to a house without kids. Since DS was born I tend to understand the parent's point of views more but in some ways I feel like I slack more because I don't get the break from kids that I so desperately need!

jekr43

on Dec 10, 2008 at 6:27 AM

I am a part time teacher. If I were to teach full time I wouldn't want kids...Teaching is a 80 hour a week a job and I'd want that time with my child.

toola

on Dec 10, 2008 at 8:08 AM

The teacher in the article sounds very self aware - much better in my opinion than someone who has kids unthinkingly. So long as she's qualified and does her job well, who cares about her personal life? Some of my best teachers were nuns, and I've had absolutely crappy ones who were parents themselves.

btw, I wonder if you'd even be asking this question if the teacher was a man...

shesajar

on Dec 10, 2008 at 1:27 PM

I agree that the teacher sounds very self aware. As a matter of fact, I've said the same things many times: "The idea of being a mother and therefore The One, the axis on which a child's world orbits, terrifies me" before I had my daughter. Heck, I still say that! As someone who did NOT want kids not so long ago, it's nice to see that the replies here are all so reasonable-- some of the things that people say/think about women who don't want to parent are so judgmental.