I'm just gonna come right out and say it. Moms lie! We do -- and frankly a fib can be the difference between a good night's sleep and being sent to padded room. You see, mothers are a brilliantly dishonest bunch. And deception is one of the strongest tools in our arsenal (PS: it only works until your children figure out how to look things up on Google).
Damn you interwebs from ruining the only sanity saver I have left!
Of course we fabricate things in different ways. There are the universal lies, which I laid out in my lists of "Momisms", and there are the bold faced lies that are incredibly creative and will most definitely get us in trouble down the road. Though we're willing to take that risk for a little reprieve in the moment!
Here are some bold faced lies I've told my kids to save sanity, furniture, face, time, and money. Plus, the top lies from my Facebook Fans, who are clearly unscrupulous (and I love that about them).
1. They don't give you ketchup at drive-thrus.
2. The lunch lady calls me when you don't eat your sandwich.
3. The cat is allergic to Moon Sand, so we can't have any in the house -- for her safety.
4. If you don't bathe, you will get arrested. They have dogs that can smell dirty children.
5. Every time you cough and don't cover your mouth, somewhere, a butterfly dies.
6. Harry Styles hates girls who don't listen to their parents. Now go brush your teeth and don't forget to floss.
7. The restaurant I'm going to with daddy doesn't allow kids or we would totally take you ... I think the waiters say inappropriate things.
8. Animals want to be eaten, it makes them so happy to be chosen as your food. Now, eat your chicken.
9. Unicorns ARE real, but you only see one when you're being really good. What, you haven't seen any? Well, you have to be even better.
10. And of course the most universal (and ironic) Mom Lie: I'm your mother, I wouldn't lie to you.
(Now for my corrupt, immoral FB fans ...)
11. They don't sell replacement batteries for that toy. - Teresa
12. The ice cream man only plays that song when they're out of ice cream. - Eva
13. Chuck E. Cheese's is only for birthday parties; you have to be invited to one to go there. - Colleen
14. All grocery stores have a baby jail in the basement; they'll lock you up if you don't behave. - Desiree
15. The smoke detectors have cameras in them. How else could I have known you haven't been reading your chapter book? - Kimberlie
16. No, this isn't a brownie. It's a breakfast bar and it has lots of protein and fiber and even spinach in it. Do you want one? - Foxy
17. There are no cartoons on at night because that's when the characters sleep. - Laura
18. I always tell my 4-year-old son that signs in stores say things they really don't. Like no running, no touching, no talking. I'm so screwed when he learns to read! - Susan
19. The stuffed animals will be lonely for their friends if we take them out of the store. - Kim
20. Babies come from the Internet. And that baby sister you wanted is on back-order. - Jennifer
What lies have you told?
Image via JenEcards/TheSuburbanJungle