Here's a "secret" about me: I'm never early, I'm always late. I get too hungry for dinner at 8. I can't be bothered with people I hate. That's why ... hey!! Never mind all that. Ahem. Anyway. The point is, I AM always late -- always have been. (As my mother likes to remind me, I was even born two weeks late.) And as I'm sure you can imagine, that didn't change after I had kids -- in fact, my tendency toward tardiness only became more pronounced once I had a couple of small human beings with feeding/sleeping schedules of their very own to contend with. Um, sure, I'll be there in 10 20 30 ... I'll be there ASAP!
Still. There is a silver lining to this particular mom brain deficit so many of us suffer from. Because while having kids makes it more difficult than ever to be on time, having kids also gives us a built-in series of seriously legit excuses as to WHY we're not on time.
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The funniest part? Even though said excuses are usually, as I said, "legit" -- or, more to the point, "true" -- they're often so crazy that people (employers, childless friends, etc.) think we're making this sh*t up!! Here, in their own words, are 7 hilarious real-life excuses and/or anecdotes several (anonymous by choice) moms -- and one nanny -- have made for being late:
1. "Ok true story, I was getting ready to leave to meet someone and I was late because I couldn't find the baby! (My daughter) was at the crawling stage, and while I was using the bathroom, she crawled under her indoor slide, which had a fort under it, and she fell asleep in all the stuffed animals! I must have looked in there five times and didn't see her! I was so panicked!"
2. "I'm not a mom, but when I was a nanny, we ran late once because the 4-year-old I was taking care of insisted on doing the Fuzzy Wuzzy rhyme by herself perfectly before we could move on."
3. "Oh, and another time she had to check every storm drain on Nassau Street in Princeton for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles -- we were late that time too." (Same child as #2.)
4. "I literally once just looked at my boss who was mad about me turning in a late assignment and said, '(My son) ate my report.' He looked at me like I was insane."
5. "The twins were teething and we overslept and were an hour late for my cousin's wedding -- they were saying 'man and wife' when we walked in! I said the kids were up all night with horrible stomach bugs because teething seems like not that big of a deal!"
6. "Once, right before I left for work, my daughter was freaking out because we couldn't find the remote for the TV and she was obsessed with watching Elmo every morning. My nanny and I turned the house upside down looking for it -- finally we found it in the toilet!! When I got to work, I told my boss that my daughter hid my car keys. The Elmo thing sounded kind of ridiculous!"
7. "My son never remembers to brush his teeth. It's really embarrassing when we go to the dentist and he still has stuff from breakfast stuck in there! That happened one time and the dentist gave me such a dirty look, I said, 'Never again!' So the next time we were on our way to get a cleaning and I realized my son forgot to brush his teeth again, I turned that car right around and we went back home, where I made him brush and floss! We were really late for the dentist -- I said we had car trouble, because, obviously I couldn't tell him the truth!"
What's the craziest excuse you've ever made for being late?
Image via rickremington/Flickr