Bethenny Frankel and Jason Hoppy haven't had the most amicable of divorces. Rumors have included everything from Jason refusing to move out of their home to the two of them not speaking to each other while at their daughter Bryn's birthday party. But now here comes the worst rumor of them all. RadarOnline is reporting that Bethenny and Jason had an "epic argument" after a court hearing and then Bethenny called Jason "trash" and "lazy" and "stupid." All in front of Bryn. D'oh! Bethenny, that is soooo not cool.
Who knows if this really happened, but here's what the source had to say:
The argument took place in their swanky Tribeca apartment. She also said Jason was lazy and stupid, because Jason doesn’t have a regular full-time job.
Hmmm ... does anyone really use the term "swanky"? But more importantly, did Bethenny really call her soon-to-be-ex "trash" and "lazy" and "stupid" within earshot of her 3-year-old?!
I'm not sure I'm buying that the talk show host and former Real Housewives star would go that far. No doubt she's fed up with Jason, who is fighting for sole custody of Bryn. But whether or not she did this, it invites a discussion of how to behave during a bitter divorce.
Calling your soon-to-be-ex or ex insulting names should NEVER BE DONE in front of your children. Period. I don't care if he robbed you blind. I don't care if he cheated. Children do NOT need to hear their parents' dirty laundry, at least in my opinion. You can tell them about it when they're adults -- and even then it's questionable whether that is necessary.
You can be frank with your kids. You can say, "We don't love each other like husband and wife anymore." You can say, "We're not happy together but are much happier apart." Children DO want you to be happy.
But children don't hear "Daddy is lazy" or "Daddy needs to get a job." Kids hear: "Don't love Daddy. Daddy is bad. Loving Daddy is wrong."
That's all they hear. And then they feel horribly conflicted about loving their own parent. Kids should never have to feel guilty about loving a parent -- even if that parent makes a shit spouse.
If a parent is a bad parent, the kid will figure that out on their own and make their own decisions about what kind of relationship they want. That doesn't mean you need to defend your spouse. You don't need to say, "Your father is a wonderful person" if your husband is acting like a douche. But you can say, "Your father has issues. I hope he is able to overcome them one day."
And you definitely don't need to lie for your spouse. If he's off having an affair, you can say, "Your father has found someone else he wants to be with." Do not lie or ignore it, because that teaches the child not to trust his or her own observations and feelings. But you can add, "Although you must feel really awful about that, know that marriages sometimes don't work out but we still love you. We will always love you."
So let's hope Bethenny didn't really call Jason "trash."
What have you said to your kids about divorce?
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