2-Year-Old Started Drinking Coffee at 9 Months To Compete in Pageants

coffee mugsOh Toddlers and Tiaras, you're always good for some judgy parental shockers. In the first episode of the new season we meet two-tear-old Alexa, the coffee-drinking pageant girl. She's been chugging the black stuff since she was nine months old -- and she doesn't even add milk, which would sort of redeem her coffee habit. But don't worry, her doctors are totally okay with it! I would like to meet these doctors because that's bananas.

Supposedly caffeine isn't the worst thing in the world for kids -- but it's not great for them, either. What in Sam hell would put it into your head to feed a NINE MONTH OLD BABY coffee, anyway? Did Alexa's mom look at her daughter one morning and think, "Huh, kid looks a little lethargic this morning. Better fuel her up with some coffee for her important job of being a baby." Was she constipated? Is that how this started? I just... I don't get it. But that's not even the worst thing Alexa drinks.


I'm even more worried about what they call "Tinker tea," an inadvisable ADD-inducing brew of soda, sweet tea, and I kid you not, pixie sticks. Because any one of those three things is not sweet enough on their own. Tinker tea takes Honey Boo Boo's go-go juice, slaps it around some, and flings it out of the ring like a WWE wrestler.

I think the idea is that it gives Alexa extra energy -- or something like that? But the latest research (I say, puting my stern science lady glasses on now as I write this) doesn't support this idea. Instead, sugar makes you crash, which is why we see Alexas lolling on the floor at some point, much to her pusher mom's disappointment.

But hey, Alexa wins the pageant so it's all good. Right??? Tinker tea for everyone. I think I'll go make my kid a glass right now.

Which is worse for kids, coffee or sugary drinks?


Image via Mike Sheard/Flickr

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