Your kids are perfect, right? They say "please" and "thank you" at the right times. They chew with their mouth closed. Wash their hands often. And they never, ever use potty talk.
Well, at least that's how you like to view them. Reality, however, paints a very different picture. It makes no difference who you are or how you raise your children. No matter what your race, nationality, financial situation, or location, there is one hard and fast rule: Kids are gross.
Maybe some kids are grosser than others. Maybe some are only gross on occasion. But come hell or high water, kids will find a way to make you want to toss your cookies. You really can't blame them, though. It's in their nature.
Whether it's your own kid, a relative's, a friend's or just some stranger's kid sitting near you at Burger King, trust me, you're bound to be grossed out to the max.
Here are 6 of the grossest things kids just love to torture us with.
- They poop in the bathtub.
I can't tell you how many times my wife used to yell "May Day!" while giving our kids a bath when they were younger. Nothing says "bath time fun" more than seeing a Baby Ruth floating in the tub.
- They play hide and seek with boogers.
Everyone picks their nose. Even adults. (Yes, even you. Stop pretending you don't. You're not fooling anyone.) But whereas adults will generally find a tissue to place their nasal treasure in, kids prefer to play hide and seek with their boogers. Walls and the underside of kitchen tables are a very popular hiding place.
- They eat off the floor. Any floor.
While even the age-old "5 second rule" is a bit gross depending on how clean your kitchen floor is, kids love to really step things up. If it's food, and it's on the floor, it's fair game to eat. Doesn't matter if you're in the food court at the busy mall, in a bowling alley or at a downtown bus station.
- They put dirty underwear on their heads.
Underpants is a funny word. Underpants on top of your head is even funnier. But dirty underpants are kind of gross. Dirty underpants on your head are unsanitary and pretty darn gross.
- They love being in touch with themselves.
This probably only applies to boys, but whether it's dinner, a movie or drawing a picture, you'll more often than not find your son with his hand shoved down his pants. Nothing wrong with that in private, but in public, it's a different matter. Especially when you do that and follow it up by shoving your unwashed hand into a big bowl of popcorn.
- They lick anything and everything.
From babies to toddlers to yes, even big kids, no object is safe. Those fun little rides at the mall? A bored kid will certainly put his mouth on some part of that little fire engine. Books at the library? Doesn't matter how old or how many people have touched that dusty book cover. It might taste good. Rusty fence at the playground? Why, that should be a Jolly Rancher flavor!
What are the grossest things your kids do?
Photo via quinn norton/Flickr