This week's big controversy in parenting: Moms on Meds! As in, Why are so many moms on psychiatric medications and how can we make them feel guilty and ashamed? It's not a new controversy, not by a longshot: "Mother's Little Helper" by The Rolling Stones came out in 1966, and the Valium-inspired lyrics are perfectly relevant 40 years later:
Kids are different today, I hear ev'ry mother say
Mother needs something today to calm her down
And though she's not really ill, there's a little yellow pill
She goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day
Times haven't changed that much, except now we have more choices -- it was a recent article about how Xanax helps one woman to "be a better mom" that re-ignited the "moms on meds" debate.
A debate which is, in theory, born out of some concern that we're suddenly, needlessly over-medicating moms for a range of unpleasant but normal maternal emotions: Sadness, anxiety, pessimism, insomnia, irritability, fatigue. A debate stemming from the belief that moms should be able to "pull themselves out of it." From the implication that mothers who "fall back" on psychiatric meds are either lazy or addicted or unstable -- unfit.
More from The Stir: Mothers on Meds Don't Need Your Judgment
Not only is this a dangerous, irresponsible argument for any medical professional to make, in my personal opinion, it's completely untrue. I know from experience that post-partum depression is real. So is post-post-partum depression tinged with anxiety and the occasional panic attack. So are maternally-induced insomnia and melancholy and a whole host of other motherhood-related emotional disorders that go beyond "unpleasant but normal" into "I can't function like this" territory. And I also know from experience that medication can help. A lot. So rather than question the validity or judge the morality of moms on meds, let's just look at a few ways psychiatric medications truly can help some of us to be better moms.
Meds can:
1. Help make the oftentimes terrifying world seem like a less terrifying place to raise children.
2. Lessen out-of-control mommy guilt (which, left unchecked, can lead to/aggravate depression).
3. Make it easier to manage the stress of juggling more work/family/life responsibilities than human beings are meant to juggle at one time.
4. Help regulate sleep patterns/avoid crippling fatigue.
5. Help keep the everyday emotional ups-and-downs of your children in perspective.
Obviously I'm not saying that every mom should be on meds or even that every mom currently on meds should be on meds, but I am saying some of us do need to be on meds, and that today's medications are a far better option than the methods of self-medication mothers (and others) were forced to resort to in the past. The stigma needs to go.
Do you think meds can help some of us to be better moms? How?
Image via the_stir/Flickr
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Comments 54
Yes, if you truly need it. Too many doctors are quick to overmedicate, and in turn creating people dependent on medications they most likely never needed.
I don't know how I feel about medication - I was severely over-medicated (all psychotropics) when I was a teen, because my mother didn't know how to deal with the root of any of my problems. So, I'm skeptical of it. However, I can say that because of such a huge stigma on mental illness, I was terrified to talk to anybody about the HORRID things I was feeling in the 18 months following my daughter's birth. I couldn't be in my car without thinking about getting into an accident. I began self-mutilating. I cried constantly. I was so scared that they would take my daughter away from me and lock me up for what I was thinking. I never got help. I'm okay now. I am pregnant with our second child and have expressed all of my troubles with depression and also plan to encapsulate my placenta to alleviate serious hormonal changes after birth. I wish it were easier to talk to doctors about depression. No one should feel ashamed.
Personally, I would never take anything that could alter my behavior and change my parenting. I wouldn't take the risk. I have anti-depressents, but I never took them, and I probably never will. If you have a spouse or someone in the home to watch your behavior, meds might be okay I suppose, but if you're a single parent, and alone with your child/children, it is FAR too risky to take meds like those , especially because no one can monitor you and make sure you're not acting strangely or different. Just my opinion.
Try growing up with a mother who never told you that she loved you but called you a whore/bitch/slut everyday of your life. (And still does)Having tell your father passed away and her first words are "Looks like your screwed now?" Telling your family your pregnant and being told that you need a baby like you need a hole in your head. Everyday being told that you do not have "a pot to piss in" and you will never have anything better than she does, and have her trying to take your 2 year old son away from you because you are filing for a divorce. Then I have a job for 17 years and I have a car wreck and I am on short term disability and after 6 months my job is terminated, without my knowledge. YES I have MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER and I take 2 pills a day to help me. Even now I cry everyday, but I am working on trying to get better but the road is VERY, VERY LONG and HARD, when you can not drive and you live within walking distance. I can not imagine I would have made it thru my high school years much less college and my young adult years. I am in my late 40's now. SOMETIMES medicine is the ONLY answer. Like the saying goes...Until you have walked in MY SHOES.,.Do NOT judge ME.
Ok...For YEARS AND YEARS, I was completely against taking anything for anything, I didnt want to "cover up" what was going on.
But then something happened, I was in the middle of a divorce from my abusive husband, I was going out waaaaay to much and doing stupid things (not drugs) , I was driving home from...(one of the darkest moments of my life) and I was still drunk in the morning, but had to get home to my little girl. I shouldnt have been driving, really I knew this.....I remember swerving and "snapping back in it" right before I would of had a head on collision with a tree.............at first I was shocked, then I cried hysterically, I wasnt crying tho because I made it out alive but because I wished that I didnt....I was soooooo damn depresssed and sad...I hated the person I had become
Now I have alprazolam for my anxiety and citalopram for my depression. This are a god-sent, I only take them when I feel that feeling I know all to well, most of the time I can control it, BUT I can tell when its going to be one of those times, I cannot thank my doctor enough for listening to me and giving me these to help me along, I also thank all my family for being so supportive and NOT JUDGING ME FOR TAKING PILLS!!!!
And yet another toic for parents to compare and judge each other, making blanket statements that X is SO MUCH BETTER than Y and X worked so well when I was a single mother at 18 working 24 hours a day and walking uphill both ways in the snow barefoot. Blah blah blah
Why can we not just support each other? RX doesn't work for everyone. Yoga and meditation don't work for everyone.