5 Perfect Comebacks for When Mean Moms Attack

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shadows playgroundWe've all had our fair share of "Mean Mom" encounters, haven't we? You know the type: Those Mothers Superior are always lurking around the playground and/or the pediatrician's office and/or Open House at the elementary school -- any and everywhere they can find moms to criticize and judge and generally look down their noses at. Anything you can do, they can do better -- so don't even bother trying to defend your way of parenting when they're on the attack.

Mean mommies are convinced they know best -- at the very least, they know better than you -- so if ever you should find yourself cornered, your only hope of escape is to say something so bizarre and unexpected, it'll throw that Mean Mommy right off course (long enough for you to escape, anyway!).

Here are 5 comebacks to try when Mean Mommies attack ...

The Mean Mommy Attack: "I find it very disappointing that so many mothers donate store-bought cookies and cakes for the PTA bake sale because they 'don't have time' to bake their own. I'm busy, too, but I MAKE the time."
The Comeback
: "The last time I tried to bake a cake, I was so tired, I added three times too much salt! Ha! Even the dog wouldn't eat it. Have you tried that new pizza place yet?"

The Mean Mommy Attack: "These mothers who go right back to work after having a baby never should've had kids in the first place. I didn't think twice about sacrificing my career to stay home with my family."
The Comeback
: "Whenever I'm stuck at work late, I get really sad because I miss my kids, but then I remind myself that if I wasn't at work, they wouldn't have any food or shelter or health insurance. Hey, did your family get the flu shot this year?"

The Mean Mommy Attack: "There's just no excuse for sticking your child in front of a TV all day. At our house, we don't allow any television at all."
The Comeback
: "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea ... SpongeBob SquarePants! Dum de dum dum ... oh, sorry, was I singing that out loud? Dang song sure is catchy!"

The Mean Mommy Attack: "That must be nice, having only one child. It's hardly like being a mother at all! But don't you worry about your child being all alone?"
The Comeback
: "You know, I got into the biggest argument with my sister the other day -- just like when we were kids! She's always been so difficult, sometimes I think I would've been better off as an only child."

The Mean Mommy Attack: "Giving your kids sugar is like giving them poison. When I see moms buying fruit-flavored yogurt instead of plain, I want to shout, 'Childhood obesity is the fault of parents like you!'"
The Comeback
: "Sometimes the store runs out of our favorite Pop-Tarts flavor and then it's like, NOW what are we supposed to do? Starve?!"


More from The Stir: 9 Rules Moms Should Follow at the Playground

What's the craziest thing you ever said to get a mean mommy to leave you alone?

Image via crabchick/Flickr

toddler development, toddler health, toddler meal, working moms


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B1Bomber B1Bomber

LOL at the last one...I never buy PopTarts because I have no self control. See PopTart in pantry, eat PopTart in pantry.

nonmember avatar BChill

Sure this sounds immature, but my favorite response to anything from a "mean mommy" Is to give them an awful, scrunched face look then walk away. They don't matter to me, and neither does their opinion so I'm not going to dignify it with a response.

Iris0409 Iris0409

I think "Um, okay" with a smile works best because they know you think they're batshit crazy, horrible people, but they can't prove it if you just act nice :)

nonmember avatar NoWay

I'm just waiting for the sanctimommies to chime in here ... LMAO! :)


Love the Spongebob reply. Maybe one should ask when their mother inlaw is coming for a visit. Fire with fire and it sounds so genial.

MaryC... MaryCimino

I had one woman do the TV thing to me, my response? "Well they're watching too much porn anyways so you might have a point." Shuts them up every time...

tuffy... tuffymama

People don't say things like this to me anymore. I don't mess around, and I'm pretty sure it shows. When I was younger, all kinds of crazy people would say all kinds of crazy things to me, and it was important for me to always have a snappy comeback. Then I grew up. A smile and a nod can convey all the we-both-know-you're-a-BSC-bitch sentiment necessary.

nonmember avatar k

I agree with most of the comments above....why give them a chance to continue speaking? Slightly raised eyebrows, a slight smile/smirk, and silence usually gives them a chance to hear how stupid they just sounded.

laure... laurenemb

Mary - BRILLIANT. that's hilarious, I'm sticking that in my back pocket for when I have kids.

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