Mommies Need a Time-Out, Too

Being a Mom 8

The big thing for punishing kids these days isn't a thwack to the butt. It's a "time-out," which, if you ask me, is a pretty darn cushy way to spend five minutes.

Which is why I'm always shocked that my daughter treats time-outs like I'd sentenced her to lick the carpets clean. She'll scream and howl and moan, thrashing herself around the couch like I'm trying to murder her, as I sit there, hoping like hell our neighbors don't call the cops on me for murdering (what sounds like) a chicken.

I don't think my kid realizes how cushy she's got it. Because if I got five minutes alone? I'd make the MOST of it.

If I got five minutes alone, well, the world would be my oyster. I could:

Pee alone.

Count the hairs on my legs.

Actually return emails.

Start a pants off, dance off.

Get caught up on my blog reading.

Think about mud-wrestling Cameron Diaz in a vat of baked beans.

Drink a bottle of vodka.

Mentally redecorate my living room.

Watch something besides cartoons.

Call a friend and talk without saying the phrase, "Who hit who?"

Consider the prospect of making something from Pinterest before deciding I'm not creative and I cannot stand homemade crafts.

Wondering which sadist STARTED Pinterest.

Unfriending all my Facebook friends who like to send me FarmVille requests.

Consider sending all my Facebook friends who like FarmVille to a real farm.

Ponder what "raised in a barn" means.

Study the back of my eyelids.

Paint my toenails, which haven't, in fact, been painted since 2001.

Wonder what various celebrities would look like if their heads were backwards.

Ascertain what, exactly, Kim Kardashian is actually famous for.

Learn to speak in text-speak. 

See if my picture really is in Wikipedia under the word "Crotch."

What would YOU do if you were in a Mommy Time-Out?

coffee shop confessions, tantrums, toddler development


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embar... embarrett91

Tell me about it, even when daddy is home I never get my own time out.  Pee alone!! YES! I miss that too. When her daddy isn't home i leave the bathroom door open so i know what she is up to...and what is she up to? she's right at my lap, tapping my knees or trying to play with the toilet paper. it drives me crazy! and putting her in her pack n play for a moment to do something isn't an option because she always thinks im putting her in time out when ever i set her in there and she does also throw herself all around and scream when she is in there..

Melan... MelanieJK

lol - all good ideas.   I've discovered that having time to think about the things that I want to do usually leads to deciding I don't really want to do them so I just need time to get things off the want to do list.      

nonmember avatar Bebby Girls

Make a cup of tea and drink it while it's actually warm!!!

nonmember avatar sarah

i would LOVE to study the back of my eyelids

jalaz77 jalaz77

Haha. Good question. I would nap, this comes from a girl that doesn't nap. But I would nap the $hit out of myself.

Mocha... MochaCocoaBean

Please, if would take far more than 5 minutes to ascertain what, exactly, Kim Kardashian is actually famous for.

That being said, I would enjoy a cup of coffee while it is warm/fresh (no reheats!)


Aharr... Aharrismom

Vodka.. Definitely Vodka. I know this sounds selfish and a tad bit un-mommy like of me.. But what I miss the most is being able to walk out the door without resentment from the hubs for leaving two children with him. When you become a mother your social life becomes somewhat non existent. When the opportunity does arise for you to venture out into the world to.. Let's say enjoy a few drinks and banter with close friends.. BAM!! Your labeled a horrible mother for stepping foot out that door by both your husband and family members. I'm sorry, but sometimes I need that glass of wine. As horrible as it may seem that is my release.

Santa Wify

Deciding to start a family is a huge obligation. There are many adjustments that will have to be made, so planning ahead of time is the wisest choice. Planning for parenthood will ensure that you are willing to take the steps necessary in each area of your life to welcome a new baby. Thank you.
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