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My 5 All-Time Dumbest Parenting Moves (So Far)

by Linda Sharps on November 4, 2012 at 6:29 PM

babyYou know how some people call themselves "trusted parenting experts"? Sure, they're usually trying to sell a book that features "practical and proven advice" telling you how to be a better parent, but still, I can't even imagine. I think I could birth about twenty more children and dedicate the rest of my life to the study of pediatrics and I'd still never have the confidence to describe myself as a trusted parenting expert.

That's because no matter what sort of savvy parenting decisions I make from here on out, I can't erase my track record. And man, let me tell you, I've made some boneheaded moves to date, mostly when my kids were babies/toddlers. For instance:

I let my baby fall out of his carseat. Okay, here goes: years ago, I put the carseat, baby in it but not yet buckled down, on the coffee table, and turned my back for -- I swear to god -- one second to get my purse. That's when my theoretically non-mobile infant somehow slithered out of his confines and went crashing to the hardwood floor. Yes. I know. I know. (He was fine.) (But oh my god.)

I put a Q-tip in my baby's butt. He was a newborn, he hadn't pooped, I was terrified of Deadly Constipation (?), so I tried a trick that I'd read about online: I put the end of a lubricated Q-tip into his rear end. The results? Well, have you ever seen what happens when you step on a tube of toothpaste? Anyway, it WORKED, but in retrospect I'm not entirely sure it was necessary to take such drastic measures.

I fed my toddler toxic mold. All I'm going to say about this one is that you should always check the underneath of a sippy cup lid. Take it from me.

I scarred my toddler's psyche with fighter jets. When my oldest was around 18 months old, I took him to a Blue Angels air show, thinking that earplugs would make the brain-splitting noise level okay for him. Ha ha ha ha WRONG. Not only was he terrified to the point of hysterical tears after he woke up from a brief nap to the sound of jets screaming overhead, he spent the entire summer afraid of any and all planes that passed by.

I treated my preschooler's fear by making it worse. Several months ago, my 4-year-old decided he was suddenly scared of skeletons. In an attempt to comfort him, I said, "But honey, skeletons aren't scary. Why, you have a skeleton inside your body right now." Oh dear. You … you should have seen his face.

In conclusion, I'm frankly a little surprised my children are not only alive, but healthy and thriving. Hopefully it's true that love conquers all, because I'm certainly not winning any points for intelligence.

What wince-worthy parenting blunders have you made? It's okay, you're among friends here.


Image via Linda Sharps

Filed Under: a mom's life, safety, mom secrets

Comments

41
  • Rach
    -- Nonmember comment from

    Rach

    November 4, 2012 at 6:48 PM
    I was changing my daughter on the couch when she was 9 months old, I looked down to grab a fallen sock (or whatever) and she managed to roll off the couch with me RIGHT THERE. She landed on her (very pliable) neck and was fine, but I had never been more scared in my life.
  • LongT...
    -- Nonmember comment from

    LongTimeReader

    November 4, 2012 at 6:58 PM
    Yes, but you handle your parenting "failures" ( I have heard so much worse that these!) the right way. Sharing them on your blog for all to enjoy.

    I'm a long time reader and I remember rolling with laughter over Operation Riley: venting prevents ex-plo-see-unh.
  • fave82
    --

    fave82

    November 4, 2012 at 7:06 PM
    Omg the skeleton one is hilarious?
  • fave82
    --

    fave82

    November 4, 2012 at 7:06 PM
    That was supposed to be an exclamation point... Not a question.... Sigh.
  • TDLyric
    --

    TDLyric

    November 4, 2012 at 7:10 PM
    Thank you! I love this! :-)

  • Rosas...
    --

    RosasMummy

    November 4, 2012 at 7:12 PM
    she choked on her food then after she stopped choking she carried on crying and pointing to her throat, I thought all was fine and it would pass so I said let me look in your mouth, she opened up and I said 'oh no there's a tiger in there' (with the intention of her laughing and saying 'no there's not' and me saying 'oh yes there is' anyway turns out there was an inch long fish bone in her throat so we spent the night in A&E with her crying and asking everyone to get the tiger out :(
  • Rhond...
    --

    RhondaVeggie

    November 4, 2012 at 7:16 PM
    I once gave my son a sippy cup of old soy milk that was basically solid. Not sure what happened, my best guess is that I gave him a fresh one and then an hour later handed him one the same color that had been out for days. He told me it was yucky and I said it was fine but he point blank refused to drink it. I went to wash it and instead if pouring down the sink it just globbed out like mousse.
  • LaToy...
    -- Facebook comment from

    LaToya DelaCruz

    November 4, 2012 at 7:22 PM
    My daughter didn't fall out of the car seat. She was strapped in so she took the car seat with her. Her father sat her car seat (with her in it) on the couch & walked away to get his shoes. A thunk & a crying 3 month old alerted us to the fact that she was face down on the floor still strapped in. Thank god for carpet. I, on the other hand, have let both my children roll of the bed when they were 4 months old.
  • sarah828
    --

    sarah828

    November 4, 2012 at 7:45 PM

    Well I get so mad at myself every time I think about what a bad, bad mommy moment this was.  We were out shopping and my then 3yr old who was potty trained kept teling me he had to go to the bathroom.  Well I was in such a hurry because we were already late I kept telling him just one more second and we'll be done and I will take you.  Thinking he could handle this becasue he was potty trained so well.  Well he ended going pee in his shorts!!!  I felt like the worlds worst mother and I truly mean this!  I think back and tell myself "I can't believe you did this to him".  Thank goodness it was summer and we just got back from a pool so he had on his swimming trunks.  So cleaning him up in the bathroom wasn't as bad as it could have been.  Of coure he took a bath when we got home.

    Anyways this is one thing that stays with me and I can not forgive myself for being so stupid and mean and heartless.  It truly makes me sick every time I think I made my son pee his pants:(....


  • Surratt
    -- Nonmember comment from

    Surratt

    November 4, 2012 at 7:50 PM
    I had a conversion van when my son was about 2. The seatbelts are made to come out with the seats a.k.a. not safe for caraways. I was driving along on a backroad when an animal jumped out in front of me. I hit the breaks and a friend who was in the backseat was freaking out about the baby. I turned around to look and his seat was horizontal. Luckily or was caught on the front seat or else he would have been upside down. P.s. he was laughing.
1-10 of 41 comments

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