Nannies Mourn Murdered Krim Children as Much as Moms

Heartbreaking 6

hold handsThe incomprehensible tragedy of what happened to those two innocent children on the Upper West Side of Manhattan at the hands, allegedly, of their nanny, Yoselyn Ortega, tears at my heart in more ways than one: As both a mother who adores her children and is terrified of anyone ever harming them and a former nanny who adored the children in my care and never would have dreamed of harming them.

And when I say I adored those kids, I'm not exaggerating. I loved them profoundly. How could anyone take care of an infant 5 days a week, 12 hours a day, and NOT fall in love? When you're working as a nanny, people warn you about not getting "too attached."

Don't get too attached to that baby who falls asleep in your arms every afternoon with her tiny hand curled around your finger. Don't get too attached to that toddler who lights up when you walk in the door every morning and sobs, clinging to your leg, when you leave every night.

Yeah, good luck with that.

I know every nanny doesn't feel the same way about her charges that I did. Still, I suspect that most nannies probably do. So I'm caught between these memories and the raw maternal fear that's gripping every mother right now. It's a strange emotional space to occupy, honestly.

As a mom, I know how terrifying it is to trust anyone with your kids -- absolutely anyone. Because no matter how capable or caring they may be, we feel like no one else could ever love our kids as much as we do, no one else could ever make it through a long day of playground tantrums and bathtime tears and potty training fails and still manage to read the same beloved bedtime story five times in a row. It's scary even when we don't factor the possibility of unforeseen tragedy into the equation. But that could be said of parenting in general.

I can't tell you how to choose the perfect nanny. I can tell you to treat whomever you do hire as a friend or family member -- an equal. I had great relationships with the moms I worked for, in part because all of them recognized that a nanny is more than just an employee. A nanny should be someone who loves your kids, and trust me, you will love your nanny for that.

Do you have a nanny who absolutely loves your children?

 

Image via Lisa Williams/Flickr

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nonmember avatar Vikki K.

For almost 2 years, while my husband was trying to get his business off the ground he had a client in another state & ..he stayed halfway across the country during the week & only came home on the weekends..I was trying to raise 6 young children at home all by myself... My husband saw how overwhelmed I was & insisted that we hire a live in nanny....at first I was a bit reluctant but it ended up being best choice we ever made! Not only did she adore our children but I felt that the extra help made me be a better mom... I was able to do all of the fun things that I wanted to do with them...our nanny was originally from Brazil & I loved that my children were exposed to different foods, language & culture... She really became a part of our family...She went back to school & we don't need a nanny anymore (my husband works from home now!!!:) ) however, we still keep in touch & she's definitely a part of our family's history

Rosas... RosasMummy

I don't have a nanny but my daughter is 2 and has gone to nursery for about a year, when she was in the first steps room (which is between babies and toddlers) her key person was this very shy girl called stef and I used to love when Id drop rosa off in the morning and she'd be all formal and quite quiet and as soon as I got round the corner id stop and wait and I could just see through the little window her pick my daughter up and say 'hello beautiful!' with a big smile an have a cuddle. Some people hate the idea that their young children will have a loving relationship with anyone other than the parents and close family, I think it's such a wonderful thing that my child goes out into the world and finds love there from an early age, when she starts school it will be a bit less personal, I want her to be fully grounded in the knowledge that she is so worth all that love before other kids start being nasty to her or she meets some teacher who's on a power trip

nonmember avatar Kayleigh

Both my husband and I are active duty military so we need te extra help until I can get out and stay home with our two young children. We've been really lucky with our previous baby sitter. She treated our kids like they were her own. It was very emotional for the both of us when we had to leave. We still keep in contact. We have a new one who is still very good with them and has even taught my kids spanish. Its hard leaving your kids to another person, especially with stories like this in the news. Its sad but there are some really great people out there who love their job with children.

Todd Vrancic

One thing I have heard Judge Judy say that I absolutely agree with:  Children need as wide a community of love as possible.

Angie Hayes

As a now mother and use to be nanny, I loved the children I watched and will always look back on our times fondly.  They were even in my wedding. I feel horrible for this family and hope they are able to one day move on because they do still have one child left and she is going to need all the love she can get.

nonmember avatar Shannon

We have a part-time nanny that has worked for us since our twins were 6 weeks old --- they are now 18 months old. They love her so much and it is obvious that she loves them! She allows me to see my children through different eyes --- I have no other children and no friends with children their age --- so I can get some perspective on how they are doing developmentally.

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