'Twas the Night Before Christmas' Is Re-Written Because Santa's Pipe-Smoking Scars Kids for Life

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twas night before cmasDon't let that whole "jolly" thing fool you: Santa Claus is one badass mutha, on a mission to corrupt our youth! Or so Pamela McColl seems to think. That's why the self-published Canadian author spent $200,000 of her own money putting out a smoke-free version of Clement C. Moore's classic 1823 poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" (or, as everybody in the universe actually calls it, "Twas the Night Before Christmas"), in which the following two stanzas are deleted: "The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth/and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath."

Says McColl: “No one can backtrack now. Santa has stopped smoking, and 2012 is the year he quit, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.” Um ... okay. Simmer down, lady!

So, I have some issues with this. 

Apart from the obvious -- like, McColl's tampering with one of the most famous and beloved poems in the English language is blatant censorship -- I'm also, to be honest, kind of confused about something.

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Namely, does McColl really think kids are influenced to start smoking because of ... Santa? I mean, kids love Santa. Sure. But they don't generally look up to him as an icon of cool, you know? Of course they want to get on his good side so he'll bring them stuff, but have you ever heard a kid say anything about wanting to be just like Santa when they grow up? He's not a sports hero or a rapper or, I don't know, James Dean. Never has the following argument taken place as a kid left for school in the morning:

Mom: "Wait, you can't go to school looking like that! Your clothes are filthy!"

Kid: "But mom, all the cool kids wear clothes all tarnished in ashes and soot!"

Plus, have you ever met a kid who smoked a pipe? Pipes are for grandpas and professors and ... Santa Claus, not kids!

Gimme a break. At this rate, Bloomberg's revision will be next. Goodbye, belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

Do you think Santa's pipe-smoking is a bad influence?

Image via Amazon

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Miche... Michelephant

Frosty and his corncob pipe are next!

riadolph riadolph

For crying out loud people, it's an innocent children's story that we've all heard a million times!

LSeab... LSeabolt1982

And what is with the effing name change. SHIT people it is CHRISTMAS. There is very little that makes me angry like the whole PC convo of Christmas and holidays.


Are you fucking kidding me?!

jagam... jagamama0710

LOL Wow, how ridiculous. Crazy woman. 

jagam... jagamama0710

I feel like that 200,000 was a poor investment. I'm not so sure she's going to make much of a profit, if she makes one at all. 

nonmember avatar Carlena

This lady needs to relook at what SHE is smoking. I mean seriously!! I'll take the traditional peom that isn't blantantly censored! Lady -you could have spent 200,000 on something a hec of a lot better. Maybe some common sense.

Alyssa MacVeigh

Seabolt, what are you talking about? A Visit From St. Nicholas is the actual name of the poem from 1823, not something she renamed it. And I don't think they were concerned with being PC at the time.

sunmar06 sunmar06

Whatever! This woman is defiantly not well. What a waste of money! So much needed for children in other things if she cares that much. UNBELIEVABLE!

Amanda Michelle Booth

really...wow just tell your kids that smoking is bad for you...if they say santas doing it just say this was back be4 he knew that i was bad for him and he quit smoking....


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