Moms, who should you love more, your kids or your husband? Kids, husband, husband, kids -- pickonepickonepickone, QUICK! Here's an argument for the kids: A Case for Putting Children First. Here's an argument for the husband: Do Good Moms Make Bad Wives? Are you Team Hubby or Team Kids? Why haven't you decided yet? It's about PRIORITIES, ladies, clear and simple.
Whenever I see those "who you should love more" headlines, I think one thing: When have we EVER asked men that question? Exactly NEVER. That's how many times. No one ever tells fathers, "Golly, sure seems like you love your kids more than your wife -- your marriage is obviously doomed." Or, "Think maybe you should stop lovin' your wife so damn much and start loving your kids more, sex fiend?" No one.
Why is this even an either/or question for women?
Do good moms make bad wives ... f@ck you, man! Why would anyone even ask us that? Seriously, way to mess with our heads. As if we don't have enough guilt and anxiety about being good enough parents -- as if there aren't already so many factors working against maintaining a full-blown love affair with your husband for the next 40 years. Screw this either/or question. I categorically reject it.
The truth is, sometimes we love our kids more. Sometimes we love our husbands more. It changes depending on the situation. When you're watching your child ride her bike without training wheels for the first time ever -- you might love her just a little bit more right at that moment. When the kids are acting like miniature frat boys at bedtime and your husband gives you that "what a bunch of jerks" look and says, "I got this, why don't you take a break" -- he totally wins that moment. No question.
In fact, you don't really have to decide who you love better, ever. Because the kind of love you have for your kids is always going to be a completely different beast from the love you have for your husband, who is (hopefully) a full-grown adult. Maybe, at some point, you find that there's an imbalance in your life that you need to correct. More quality time with your husband? Sure, sounds great. That doesn't mean you're deciding you've done something wrong by "loving the kids more" than him. You're just saying "yes" to loving everyone in your family your own best way.
What do you think about the question of loving your kids more than your husband, or vice-versa?
Image via mozzercork/Flickr
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Comments 10
I have to admit Adriana, I went into full on attack mode when I read the title of this article, but once i read the article itself, I was pleasantly surprised and found myself agreeing with your logic.
I was taught you to put God first, husband second, and kids third. If you don't have a solid foundation with your husband your kids will suffer. Whenever my parents would fight, my brother and I would suffer.
1. Because the state of my inner being is vital to everyone. To be whole, helpful, moral and full of wisdom, guidance and light.
2. Because my husband and I are one. And someday my kids will be in relationships themselves, and they need to have an example to live from. If I make everything about them now, how will that roll over into their own marriages when its no longer all about them? Also, my husband is my BF for life, they will go and make their own lives.
and 3. Because kids are the future for this world, not my career, not a social life or public status, THEY are.
I disagree withthis God husband children order of things. My very young children are helpless and it's my job and my husbands job to put them first right now. They need us and depend on us. Pawning them off to have date night may not be an option. It doesn't mean that I don't love my husband but the children just come first right now. We have many years to be together and yes our children will leave one day and become independant while they are young they need to be first. Love them all the same but now the children come first.