Disciplining your child is a necessary part of parenthood. The big debate, however, is how best to do that. As a mother myself, I don't plan to spank my son. Every kid is different and I don't think it's the ideal way to teach his particular personality right from wrong.
That said, I have always believed the choice is up to the parent. Some think it's the only way to keep their kids in line. Who am I to tell them differently? Though, new research may have fans of corporeal punishment rethinking whether spanking is a good idea at all.
Researchers secretly watched parents disciplining their children in public places like parks and restaurants. They found that in 23 percent of the cases, mom or dad resorted to "negative touch" (like hitting, pinching, restraining, or spanking) to get their kids to behave.
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The parents had no idea they were being watched by psychologists and researchers. Though, when parents knew they were being monitored, the way they dealt with an unruly child was completely different. "I have also seen hundreds of kids and their parents in a lab setting, and never once witnessed any of this behavior," said scientist Kathy Stansbury.
The conclusion was that pro-spankers change their behavior when they know they are under the microscope. My question is why? There are no laws against spanking (as long as you don't take things too far, of course). I know some will say they don't want to deal with the nasty looks. But if you really feel you have the right to spank and that you are doing what's best for your child, then why hold back?
There have certainly been a slew of studies suggesting that physical punishment can lead to more aggression in some kids, not to mention horrible long-term effects, like mental illness. Research also shows that "positive touch" (think hugs, pats, gentle guidance) was a more effective way to discipline. In fact, when kids are happier, they were more likely to comply. Perhaps deep down, these once die-hard fans of spanking feel that it's not the best method anymore. If you really thought it was the right thing to do, you would do it no matter where you were or who was watching, wouldn't you?
Would you spank in public? Why or why not?
Image via dsearls/Flickr
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Comments 106
Both my kids (now 11 and 14) knew from the get go mom will wear my ass out. And yes I would spank them in public if I needed to. In turns I haven't had to spank either of the since they were little, but I promise you that the both still know I will. I'm aware some people are thinking how bad of a mother I may be but know this the next kid that shows up to school with a gun won't be mine. Seems to me if parents were allowed to parent more without having to worry about somebody calling the cops on them then kids now days wouldn't act like they do.
I personally believe that when a parent has to resort to a physical punishment THEY have lost control of the situation and they are reacting violently toward the child because THEY are upset, not because they believe it will fix the situation. My son will never be touched negatively and hasn't been so far. Anyone who does will be removed from his life. He is a very well-behaved two year old. I get compliments all the time on how well-behaved he is. When he does get upset I talk to him. He has reasonable options. If it's just a no then it's just a no, but if there are other options that are open then I make sure he knows they're there. We work together to fix problems and he reacts well to this. He doesn't get everything he wants, but he still has a chance to say what he does want and we negotiate as much as you can with a two year old. As he ages our negotiations will become easier since he will be able to verbalize his wishes and wants better. Right now it comes down to "mine?" and then me saying "No, but you can have this instead?" and then he usually takes the option I offer or asks "why". If he asks why I explain and usually he just says "kay. Later." LOL!
My brothers and I were spanked when we were kids by our parents, mainly our mom. She would use her hand, belt or a wooden paddle if we did something really bad and we didn't listen the first time. Its how I'll raise my son, though we will use punishment that is appropriate for his age as well since he is only 2 months old right now. But I see nothing wrong with spanking and if he or any of our other kids act up really bad in public however, I see nothing wrong with spanking them in public IF needed. Otherwise its timeout and a firm smack on the hand so long as its appropriate for whatever it is they did wrong.
i was spanked, and i'm not traumatized or mentally ill or violent. my father was an acoholic who beat my mother on a regular basis and sometimes us kids, too. so i wouldn't call what he did spanking. that was most definately abuse. however, my mom spanked but i never had an issue when she did it. it was always for a good reason, and wasn't used as everyday punishment. we got spanked when we did something seriously wrong. i don't think spanking is a problem. i think spanking is a problem when it's done out of anger which is probably 85% of the time. my son is 23 months, and has been spanked once (and in public) for breaking free of my hand and running through a parking lot. and if he does it again, i'll spank him again. he could've been killed. those are the situations that warrant a spanking. however all forms of punishment, especially spankings, need to come with an explanation. that is the only way to get through to them. and spankings should not including hitting, pinching, etc. i just think the main problem is that most spankings are born out of anger, and that doesn't teach a child anything. it just makes the parent feel better. thats sad. THINK BEFORE YOU SPANK. thats all i'm saying. stop and take a deep breath and think about the situation and if the punishment fits the crime don't immediately jump to a spanking.
Pft, I spanked in public until people started claiming it was child abuse and insisting people go to jail for it.
After that bullshit, they got spanked in the bathrooms with the breastfeeding moms.