Disciplining your child is a necessary part of parenthood. The big debate, however, is how best to do that. As a mother myself, I don't plan to spank my son. Every kid is different and I don't think it's the ideal way to teach his particular personality right from wrong.
That said, I have always believed the choice is up to the parent. Some think it's the only way to keep their kids in line. Who am I to tell them differently? Though, new research may have fans of corporeal punishment rethinking whether spanking is a good idea at all.
Researchers secretly watched parents disciplining their children in public places like parks and restaurants. They found that in 23 percent of the cases, mom or dad resorted to "negative touch" (like hitting, pinching, restraining, or spanking) to get their kids to behave.
More from The Stir: Spanking Isn't the Only Form of Physical Punishment That Should Be Banned
The parents had no idea they were being watched by psychologists and researchers. Though, when parents knew they were being monitored, the way they dealt with an unruly child was completely different. "I have also seen hundreds of kids and their parents in a lab setting, and never once witnessed any of this behavior," said scientist Kathy Stansbury.
The conclusion was that pro-spankers change their behavior when they know they are under the microscope. My question is why? There are no laws against spanking (as long as you don't take things too far, of course). I know some will say they don't want to deal with the nasty looks. But if you really feel you have the right to spank and that you are doing what's best for your child, then why hold back?
There have certainly been a slew of studies suggesting that physical punishment can lead to more aggression in some kids, not to mention horrible long-term effects, like mental illness. Research also shows that "positive touch" (think hugs, pats, gentle guidance) was a more effective way to discipline. In fact, when kids are happier, they were more likely to comply. Perhaps deep down, these once die-hard fans of spanking feel that it's not the best method anymore. If you really thought it was the right thing to do, you would do it no matter where you were or who was watching, wouldn't you?
Would you spank in public? Why or why not?
Image via dsearls/Flickr
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Comments 106
I have occasionally spanked. But I never spanked my kids in public for the same reason that I wouldn't yell at them in public. I think public punishment adds an extra and unnecessary element of humiliation to the discipline. Also, I've probably only given out 10 spankings in the past 14 years. But I also agree with what others are saying about fear of being reported to CPS. There is always some busybody, do-gooder who may see you and misinterpret what's going on. I have commented before about how some busybody took my mother to task in a park for yelling at my son when he took off on his bike in a parking lot where cars were moving. But my mother wasn't actually screaming at him- he's deaf. He wouldn't have heard her above the traffic noise if she hadn't yelled. Funny thing is, that busybody left her own infant alone in the car on that hot summer day while she ran over to chastise my mother for a few minutes. My mother considered reporting her...
there is a big difference between abusing your child and spanking them. yes, i did spank my kids when they had it coming, and i didn't care where i was or who saw me. i'm talking a swat on their behind. all 4 grew up to be respectful, productive adults who will tell you that the spankings they got, they deserved.
I'm all for spanking and will spank my children at home, but just like my parents did to me, I choose to give a verbal discipline in public and let them know that they will be spanked when we get home (if the crime warrants it). I don't see the need to do it in public were people are which to judge and cause unnecessary problems for parents and I don't believe that there is always a right time and place for it (like in the back of a car). Now, if my child was to do something that dangered his life, by all means I would consider spanking them in public.
If you know the diffents from Spanking and Abuse < why should any one else tell you how to rise your children...spanking should be done when you need too...
I did a 20 page report on the effects of spanking and there found that it really isn't harmful and can be helpful as long as it is done in a way that is controlled and age approprite. The problem is that the line gets blurred on if it is harmful with research that includes what could be considered abuse so any researcher who wants to make a point towards non-spanking just includes abuse in their study and then they can report that spanking is harmful. Kind of like this article is bluring lines.... pinching?.... that isn't a controlled or thought out punishment..... as well as spanking in public.... how demoralizing. But if done properly and out of love, not just a knee jerk reaction, spanking can be an effective and helpful way of disipline.
While the observer may have made these actual observations, his speculation about the motive behind it was inaccurate. I have no problem admitting that I spank my child, and I do not do it in the middle of a restaurant. This opinion piece reveals its prejudice in the author's word choices. Parents "resorted to negative discipline"? It's not a "resort," it is a choice, a policy, and children respond well to consistent, loving discipline. Additionally, to put pinching, poking, and spanking in the same category is another prejudice. To draw the conclusion that the parents were embarrassed as their motive for walking out of the room is yet another prejudice. This wasn't a "study," it was an agenda driven witchhunt for parents whose discipline doesn't meet either the author's, nor the "researcher's" personal wishes.
Spanking is PRIVATE. I don't spank my child to publically humiliate him. I take him somewhere private. We talk, and if he understands that what he did was wrong and he chose to do it anyway, yes: that is when and how he gets a spanking. Additionally, it is inconsiderate to the rest of the patrons to make a scene and interrupt everyone's afternoon with something that only needs to happen between two people.
But what do I know... I'm not an expert on the Kardashians like the author. :P