Reality Show About 'Extended Breastfeeding' Will Be Hilariously Boring

LOL 31

toddler breastfeedingI guess we should be grateful it took this long: A reality show about breastfeeding past infancy is currently in the works. Brought to you by the always tasteful folks responsible for such classic and classy television as Dance Moms. So at least we know this will be a sensitive and thoughtful portrayal of parenting and challenges and the choices we make!

Phew! Cause for a minute there, I bet you were worried this was going to turn out to be like all those other reality TV shows. You know, the usual "Hey America, let's go out of our way to make this particular group of people look like sideshow freaks! It'll be fun!" kind of thing.

Of course you and I both know that's exactly the kind of thing those ethical Dance Moms producers are hoping for -- another hit series filled with moms doing stuff the rest of the world can laugh at and judge.

But as a mom who breastfed two kids past infancy, I have news for those producers ...

More from The Stir: Woman Claims Cop Told Her to Stop Breastfeeding in Public

Boy, are they ever in for a disappointment! The concept of extended breastfeeding might spark some spirited mommy war battles of the virtual variety, but the reality of extending breastfeeding doesn't exactly make for gotta-see TV:

Here we have so-and-so sitting at the computer, trying to type a few mid-morning emails while her antsy 2-year-old noisily slurps on her left boob while mindlessly doing the hand motions for "The Wheels on the Bus."

Here we have some other so-and-so sitting on the couch zoning out in front of an episode of The Real Housewives after a long day while her 1-and-a-half-year-old nurses on her right boob and occasionally attempts to stick her fingers in Mommy's nose. (Sometimes she succeeds, as Mommy is pretty tired and barely notices.)

Point is, there is no way to make this stuff exciting. I can promise you this will be the most boring reality TV show ever made. Sure, maybe there'll be the occasional argument with a disapproving family member or meltdown over the loss of that perky pre-baby bosom, but basically? It ain't Toddlers & Tiaras, people. That said, those of us who practiced extended breastfeeding will no doubt find ourselves snorting with laughter when, say, some poor woman's kid pulls her boob right out of her shirt in line at the grocery store. But everybody else watching will probably have dozed off by then.

What would you expect a reality show about extended breastfeeding to be like?


Image via various brennemans/Flickr

in the news, toddler development, breastfeeding


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Thank GOD! I've just been waiting for a show like this.

Homeb... HomebirthFTW

Then they'll start writing scripts and producing the hell out of it and we'll all be officially crazy; case in point Bridezillas.

nonmember avatar Karly

What..? Wow.... I actually agree with you. Its gonna be boring. Im still nursing my 18 month and my life is no where near fun or dramatic for television entertainment... Who wants to watch a women nurse all day? Gooosh! as a nursing mom i do NOT want cameras around me. I want peace and quiet. Not a child yanking on my shirt being instigated by some producer....

Mandago Mandago

I breastfed my son until his fourth birthday. It wasn't interesting, exciting, or controversial to anyone. I can't imagine how they would milk it for entertainment.

annis... annismom10

Yeah it'll be hilariously disgusting. Holding that 35 lb kid up to your bosom is just a joy to see. I just saw something similar on the first season of game of thrones. Made my stomach turn.

abbys... abbysmomma2010

I live this reality show. No need to watch. Now if they give tips to stop the kid from sticking her fingers in my nose I might tune in!

Rhond... RhondaVeggie

On what planet is 18 months considered extended breastfeeding? A kid need to be beyond 24 months before you could remotely consider it extended nursing.

nonmember avatar Melinda Powell

As a mom with 4 grownup kids who all nursed for an "extended" time, I can assure you that the controversy is manufactured. All of mine turned out to be healthy, happy, independent adults. What's next--a show about potty training?

nonmember avatar TMom

I'm all for extended breastfeeding, but I disagree that it will be boring and not filled with drama. You know they're going to find the most extreme cases in the most "controversial" families. Breastfeeing in and of itself may be a boring show, but the lifestyle that often accompanies is fuel for mainstream Americas' scorn. Throw in some EC, cloth diapers, co-sleeping with 3 kids, no vacinating, a water birth the kids all participate in, homeschool and raw milk and suddenly, people are freaking out. I often mock all those crazy hippie women until I take a look at my own life and think, did I get here? I'M ONE OF THEM

nonmember avatar Tricia Ballad

Just wait until the must-see season finale, when so-and-so gives up on trying to figure out who nursed last - the toddler or the infant and just goes tandem!

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