Every so often hear it: A toddler throwing a massive tantrum out on the street. The screaming and yelling filters through my apartment window. And I think to myself, damn I'm glad my kid isn't a toddler anymore. Thank god that doesn't last forever.
And that's why I'm going to parent hell. Bwa ha ha ha ha! Look, I treasured every moment my son was a toddler. Everything was still new to him. It was exciting to see his first attempts at independence. Really, it was. But I am so glad I'm no longer spending hours and hours at the playground. Because after your 5,000th visit it kind of starts getting old.
Here are 20 other things I don't miss about having a toddler.
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Scooping the occasional poo out of the bathtub.
Safety locks everywhere. Now I can just open my cabinets the regular way!
Toddler TV. Not that we ever! (Hah.) But why are the engines in Thomas the Train always so cross? And why does Caillou have to be such a whiner?
Public meltdowns. Tantrums, screaming, going boneless, trying to run away -- don't miss any of that!
Strollers. So glad to be rid of that clunky thing.
Cleaning after the messiness.
"Go away, Daddy!" When my son was a toddler he wanted my attention 24/7. Now he loves spending time with his father -- maybe even more than spending time with me! Which is wonderful.
Toys that make noises. I don't really have to explain this one, do I?
Bath toy mold. If you live in a humid climate you know what I'm talking about -- green stuff growing inside the rubber ducky. Gross.
Saying "no."
Hearing him say "no."
Carrying snacks, wipes, toys, and 100 other things around with you all the freakin' time.
Toddler diaper explosions. This is why we're in such a hurry to potty train.
Looking for public restrooms. And this is why potty training sucks. "Please, mister, can we use your bathroom? I know it says 'employees only' but..."
Sand box fights. He stole that kid's shovel. That kid stole his shovel. Either way, now they're pummeling each other and you sould probably pull them apart.
Sand boxes. You know cats poo in there at night, right?
Feeling guilty about not taking him to "mommy and me" classes.
Taking him to "mommy and me" classes and feeling totally ripped off because those classes are bullshit and I could be doing the same thing at home for free.
Toddler sing-alongs. I don't like those songs.
Apologizing. Sorry he broke that. Sorry he's so fussy right now. Sorry he ate your houseplant. Sorry he woke up crying with a fever at 2:00 a.m. while we were visiting and disturbed your sleep. Sorry you hate the sound of small children. Sorry I reproduced.
What I do miss: That chubby little toddler face, the angelic curls, watching him sleep.
What do you miss -- or don't miss -- about your former toddler?
Image via Adriana Velez
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Comments 45
I'm still in the toddler stage and while a lot of it is fun and cute, there are two things I definitely won't miss...1,) That whole going limp thing when you try to pick them up and they don't want to be picked up. Like it's not hard enough to move a 30lb kid away from the dogs bowl when your 6months pregnant, now I have to lift it as dead-weight with his head flung back and his arms dangling limply above his head. 2.) I can't want for him to stop putting EVERYTHING in his mouth! Seriously, every-time I turn around this kid is eating some non-food product. Dead bug, leaf, the rubber gasket from inside of his sippy cup, carpet lint, gravel, mystery products from under the couch cushions. We have pretty much had to ban pocket change from our house because he will find that quarter and try to kill himself with it.
My LO is going to be 2 in just under 2 weeks, I am so going to mis the HI Momma on the phoen when she gets ahold of her Daddy's phone and calls me. I will also miss the misprouncing words - I love that so much. The snuggles and kisses. the Lalu (love you) when you leave the room. all the singing and dancing. Man I love this age!
I miss that stage so much, my youngest kid is 3 years old and he is so naughty but that was the worst stage.
I have a toddler, he's 2.5. I won't miss not going places and not doing things because I know he'll have a tantrum.
I won't miss him tantruming because he didn't get nap (and refused it for a day or weeks at a time).
I already miss that he's so verbal and he's able to say his "L's" better. About 2 months ago he was still putting things together verbally and now he's able to string sentences along. I'll miss that progress and how he says things so cutely, like "watermelon".
I'll miss that he needed me and wanted me for something. I'm sure once he's 6 and wants to go hang with his friends that I will miss that neediness, even though I'll be so relieved that I can take a shower, or do whatever.
My daughter is 2.5 and I've never been so conflicted over my feelings! I absolutely love how strong and determined she is to become independent and I love seeing her discover and learn new things. On the other hand I'm going to rip my hair out if I have to stand there one more time for 10 minutes while she insists on getting herself into the car and into her carseat and makes me late for work. And it's not just the carseat, she insists on doing most things herself and gets mad at me if I even try to help. "No, Mommy, I do it myself." It's like I've been saying to friends/coworkers lately; I've never been so proud and so aggravated at the same time in my life!
But as frustrating as it can be at times, I know that I will miss this phase like crazy once she moves onto the next one. At least that's how it's been with every other phase we've gone though that ended just as I didn't think I could take anymore of it, then I missed immediately once it was over.