Mom Moment
Touchy Moms Need to Toughen Up When It Comes to Parenting 'Advice' From Others
It would be great if the only words we ever heard about our parenting were laced with positivity, support, and good wishes. Unfortunately, that's not always the case as friends, family members, and even complete strangers come out of nowhere with advice/criticism about every move we make ... or don't make.
It can be irritating and even infuriating, but the extent to which we let it bother us is unfortunate too. We teach our kids sticks and stones, but many of us let words hurt us way more than we should. According to a new study from Pull-Ups, as many as one in three moms has had a falling out with someone because of unwarranted advice; one in four moms has cut people out of their lives because of it. That seems pretty extreme.
People can be rude, plain and simple, and we as parents really need to just practice getting over it. Sure, it stings to have anyone put doubt in our minds about what we're doing -- especially when we have plenty of doubts ourselves -- but it's only hurting us to get that upset about rude comments. And we really can't cut the entire world out.
Here are the top 10 comments that offend moms, as outlined by the Daily Mail.
1. "Aren't they tall/short?"
2. "When my child was that age, he/she was already walking, talking, etc."
3. "Your child is very boisterous."
4. "They should be talking more by now."
5. "They should be sleeping through the night by now."
6. "You shouldn't give them a dummy [pacifier]."
7. "They don't eat very well, do they?"
8. "They should be walking by now."
9. "They should be crawling by now."
10. "They should have given up their dummy by now."
There are all kinds of flip responses and ways you can bite back at people who make such comments, but is it really worth your time and energy? People make comments for so many reasons -- many I believe truly are trying to help -- but I think the majority of them simply just don't think before they speak.
There may be some cases in which someone maliciously verbally attacks you repeatedly, and in those cases, cutting them out of your life is obviously justifiable. But for the most part, we should just nod and smile, and then do what we think is right. We need to realize that no matter what anyone says, we know our children best, and no one's words can change that.
What parenting "advice" and comments from others bother you the most? Have you ever ended a relationship because of it?
Image via sovgunga/Flickr
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mamawidup
Rose Martinez
I used to get the is he sleeping through the nigh? Awww you have to just let him cry it's the only way... Well, not for me. I don't mind kind advice, what bugs me is when I try to change the subject or politely say that whatever is not for us and the person insists I have to do it their way.
I also get he's so big, which I laugh at because he's 25th percentile in height and weight.
Bruickson
BusyMom7789
Sometimes you just get tired of hearing the same things over and over and over and over again. I have two children and I don't mind asking for advice but sometimes nature and instinct is good too. My 2 year old is very tall for his age and I use to get looks and comments all the time about his pacy. At 21/2 he threw it in the trash and never ask for it again
Governess
The most obnoxious thing that parents do is to dive bomb other parents with evaluations of their children or parenting advice. The very best thing to do if you think a parent needs help is to say, "What can I do to help?" Then, do it graciously and if needed as what else you can do to help.
Also, most people who sound like they are saying that their kids are better than yours are just making observations, as in "Noah was over three feet tall at age two, so Matthew does seem small for his age." Some are being competitive, but that's pathetic so ignore it.
Don't spend time around people that you can't tolerate. As for comebacks, they are for people who are harassing you or for a situation you frequently get grief for. You have to stay sane. A perfect example is the person who demands that you explain why you homeschool, not in a curious way but in a challenging way. Just give them your pleasant sounding comeback in a nonhostile way and go on about your life. Or keep a bunch of small cards in your pocket that have a url of a study that tells what the benefits of homeschooling are and refer them to that. Smile and move on. For truly curious people, give them that too since they will use it and do more if they want.
ghostbaby
Governess
Busy Mom, I think it's really dumb for people to bother you about him having a pacifier. What trouble is that to them? Do they think he will be walking into high school with it in his mouth? Okay, now don't beat me up for saying this, but my son refused his at six months. I was happy about that. But, it wasn't because I thought he was somehow better than other kids, but rather because I knew I wouldn't ever have to break him of it. It was one less thing to do. If I said that out loud, a parent might think I was bragging, but I didn't do anything to make it happen, and even if I did, who am I to say it would work with another kid or that it's even necessary to break the kid of it? So, differentiate between random observations and attacks.
If someone is bugging you repeatedly, it's not always possible to cut them out of your life. They might be a church member, a coworker, the owner of the only grocery store in town, or your husband's boss. You are smart to distract them by having a good comeback that is not hostile.
BusyMom7789
The Pacifier never bothered me but it seems strangers are intent on mentioning it. They try to do it in a sing song voice " baby why you still with that binky, you're to old for that binky" it's annoying. My grandma says things all the time about what she thinks my children should do but since she my elder I just usually keep on going. No offense I find women the most annoying with this. Asking personal questions like did I have a natural birth or breastfeeding. Not your business. I stop speaking to my husband's friend wife because she was trying to scare me right before a C-section saying I was going to be paralyzed. Excuse my rant.
MMbales
My daughter is a high functioning autistic 5 year old. I hear comments about her being spoiled from strangers in public about a couple times a month. I actually take it as a compliment. I see it as the work I put into helping her learn to talk and understanding how to behave in public places paying off. I could barely take her out in public two years ago.
I haven't had to cut anyone out of our lives, but if someone were toxic for my daughter I would in a second.
Knuckles