It would be great if the only words we ever heard about our parenting were laced with positivity, support, and good wishes. Unfortunately, that's not always the case as friends, family members, and even complete strangers come out of nowhere with advice/criticism about every move we make ... or don't make.
It can be irritating and even infuriating, but the extent to which we let it bother us is unfortunate too. We teach our kids sticks and stones, but many of us let words hurt us way more than we should. According to a new study from Pull-Ups, as many as one in three moms has had a falling out with someone because of unwarranted advice; one in four moms has cut people out of their lives because of it. That seems pretty extreme.
People can be rude, plain and simple, and we as parents really need to just practice getting over it. Sure, it stings to have anyone put doubt in our minds about what we're doing -- especially when we have plenty of doubts ourselves -- but it's only hurting us to get that upset about rude comments. And we really can't cut the entire world out.
Here are the top 10 comments that offend moms, as outlined by the Daily Mail.
1. "Aren't they tall/short?"
2. "When my child was that age, he/she was already walking, talking, etc."
3. "Your child is very boisterous."
4. "They should be talking more by now."
5. "They should be sleeping through the night by now."
6. "You shouldn't give them a dummy [pacifier]."
7. "They don't eat very well, do they?"
8. "They should be walking by now."
9. "They should be crawling by now."
10. "They should have given up their dummy by now."
There are all kinds of flip responses and ways you can bite back at people who make such comments, but is it really worth your time and energy? People make comments for so many reasons -- many I believe truly are trying to help -- but I think the majority of them simply just don't think before they speak.
There may be some cases in which someone maliciously verbally attacks you repeatedly, and in those cases, cutting them out of your life is obviously justifiable. But for the most part, we should just nod and smile, and then do what we think is right. We need to realize that no matter what anyone says, we know our children best, and no one's words can change that.
What parenting "advice" and comments from others bother you the most? Have you ever ended a relationship because of it?
Image via sovgunga/Flickr
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Comments 78
I especially loved it when people would talk to the baby instead of me, to get their message across. "oh sweetie you are too big to have a binky in your mouth." I even had a woman talk to my stomach once in a elevator. She asked how far along I was..when i told her 6 months she asked if I was almost 7 months because I was so big (my son came out a week early weighing almost 11 lbs). When I said, no that I was just barely 6 months she said I must be having twins and would not believe me when I told her I had been checked and it was only one baby. When I wouldnt agree with her, she proceded to bend down near my belly and say in a baby voice, "There are two of you in there, isnt there? Hi little twins. your mommy will be so surprised when you come out!"
There's a huge difference between "advice" and "one-upsmomship". The first is fine, the second is "I'm such a better mom than you, my lovely Ruttiger (XYZ)." Bleh. Thanks but no.
personally i think that it's nobodies business about. I can't stand it when people have to butt into your life. They don't know the child. I know i am a good mommy and if i comment pisses me off i will let the person know.
I'm a private person. If I want advice, I'll definitely ask. I know I don't know everything. But if I didn't ask, we're just fine the way we are, thanks. I don't need to explain what my kid eats, if she sleeps through the night, why she's so big, or any other number of things. Those things are between myself, my husband, and my child. In the end, it's not even grandparents business. I make it known in a polite and tactful way that we are a happy family who function just fine without outside advice.
I got the paci comment from an old lady at church when my middle son was a week old: "oh, you're one of THOSE moms who gives their baby a pacifier." Yeah and you're one of THOSE nosy old hags who thinks it's any of their business!
Nah, I didn't say that. I don't think fast enough.
He's 3 now and just stopped using it. No tooth damage, no attachment issues.
I agree with most of them as offensive, but I agree that after a year old they should stop with the pacifier. It's not that hard to take away....just don't give it to them. Don't be a selfish lazy mom, just get rid of it.. It ruins their teeth and it just looks ridiclious for a 1-4 year old to have a pacifier. It's just dumb.
I have told a few good friends that your child should be evaluated. Neither kids walked until after they turned a year old neither one said more than momma dadda at over a year. One will be three in the fall and is just now getting the help he needs to succeed. The other mother has her head in the sand. Theres nothing wrong with my son. He will talk when he is ready to. The same thing the other mother said until he had a preschool evaluation done. Her son will be in the special needs room. How did I not see it?