Moms vs. Dads: Who Do Kids Need More?

Inspiring 32

daddyIs it me, or does it seem like every article about parenting is really about moms? 10 Ways Moms Screw Up Their Kids! Moms -- It's All Your Fault! Moms, No Pressure, But Everyone's Blaming You if Your Kid Needs Therapy.

What about the dads? THIS. A new, large-scale, international review of research shows that a father's love can have just as much effect (and sometimes more) on a child's development as a mother's. And starting from a very young age, too.

I repeat: Dads, you are not off the hook! Kids need their father's love every bit as much as a mother's love.

Researchers looked at 36 studies from around the world involving some 10,000 participants and found a common theme. They found that consistently, when children feel rejected from their parents they become more anxious, insecure, hostile, and aggressive toward others. Here's how co-author of the review, Ronald Rohner explains it.

In our half-century of international research, we've not found any other class of experience that has as strong and consistent effect on personality and personality development as does the experience of rejection, especially by parents in childhood.

And whether the father's love matters more than the mother depends on how your child sees you. Psychologists working on the International Father Acceptance Rejection Project (yes, someone is doing that!) think that children pay more attention to the parent they think has more prestige or interpersonal power.

So if Dad has a more dominant personality in the home his love -- or lack of love -- with matter more to his kids than their mother's love. It's a sobering thought. True, I think we all knew that dads matter in the first place. We don't need science to tell us that. Except that we kind of do, because people still end up blaming moms for how kids turn out. Now we've got it in writing, in a scientific journal. So the next time someone rolls their eyes at a child's behavior and says, "well her mom..." I'm going to say, "ahem, what about her DAD?"

And it goes the other way. Dads should get more credit when they're emotionally present. Props to you good dads who shower your kids with love and attention. Your love matters just as much as moms'.

Do you think fathers should get more credit and blame for how well-adjusted their kids are?

 

Image via Qole Pejorian/Flickr

 

 

 

 

 

toddler development, toddler health

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linds... lindsayblogs

I think fathers absolutely deserve more credit! Mother's Day is such a big deal to everyone (and I love it) but we need to celebrate dads just as much because they are really fighting an uphill battle in the parenting world. All of the major parenting sites are focused directly at moms without giving enough credit and support to dads, too. I try to make a big deal of Fathers Day so my girls realize that dads are just as big a part of the parental unit as a mother. I'm so lucky to have a wonderful husband who is a spectacular father and I want to recognize him for that every chance I get!

summe... summerblythe

I grew up without a father... And I think I've had a lot of psychological issues because of that.

Waag Waag

I grew up without a father after my he signed his rights away for a little money when I was 3 and I'm better off without him. My mother is the one who influenced most of my choices and who I became. I'm the one with my son everyday where he doesn't see his dad nearly as much and he seems fine.

Waag Waag

I grew up without a father after my he signed his rights away for a little money when I was 3 and I'm better off without him. My mother is the one who influenced most of my choices and who I became. I'm the one with my son everyday where he doesn't see his dad nearly as much and he seems fine.

Littl... LittleFrogsMA

Who do children need more?   The parent(s) who is sane, stable, safe, loving and sensible.

Disney17 Disney17

Um, both moms and dads are important.

nonmember avatar Me

My daughter has grown up without her father. She has said numerous times she never felt the need for him in her life, as she had very strong male influences in my dad and brother. They were very positive and supportive of everything she did. I honestly do not believe she would be the brilliant young woman she is today had he been involved. I have seen his parenting skills with his other children. They are lacking, to say the least.

Samantha Muscia

I don't think it is about who is there, but how much love and support is given.  My father passed away when I was almost 6, my sister was 3.  Our mom was there for us in so many ways I can't even tell you!  I think I was more blessed with one amazingly loving parent than some kids are with two parents.  Both my sister and I are extremely well adjusted, strong, independent women and that is because of our mom.  The love she gave us and sacrifice she made for us is really what shaped us. 


So whether it is one or both parents, that doesn't matter, what matters is the love from them.  Without love, we fail, as people and as parents. 

the4m... the4mutts

The mommy vs daddy war, is worse than the mommy war.

Kids need a stable, loving home with parent(s) who is/are there for them in the most stable, nurturing way possible.

That could be a mom, a dad, an adult sibling, a grandparent, a foster family when their real family is failing miserably, etc.

A child isn't better off with 1 or the other. They are better off when they are born into/ put into a loving home.

nonmember avatar Lord K

Oh, you cited an international study! Don't you know, anything that applies to a foreigner absolutely cannot apply to Americans?!? Even worse, you, on an American women's website, did the unspeakable horror of suggesting that MEN might have some value!!! FFS for the last 20 or so years, feminists have been droning on how worthless, useless, and totally unnecessary dads are (and women complain why so few dads step up lmao).

Of course outside the US, dads are very important, and I can easily tell the young people apart who had good, strong fathers, surprisingly especially with young women.

But ferget about America - dads = useless hahahaha.

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