Much like death and taxes, mean girls are a fact of life. Still, I was shocked to learn that even toddlers aren't immune to the torture.
While having coffee with another mom from my son's pre-school class, I learned that her daughter had already been ganged up on by other girls in the group. At 3 years old, I wondered how bad could it be? They don't want to share crayons or play tag with her at gym? The answer was infinitely worse.
She was told that she wasn't pretty and that they didn't like her. Ouch! I couldn't believe at age 3, these girls already knew how to hit where it hurts.
I thought surely these kids, barely out of diapers, were picking up bad habits from older siblings? They had none. Then I wondered if their moms were a bit on the bitchy side? Nope, all pretty cool, from what I could see. That left me with one conclusion. Perhaps we are wired to be wicked. We must come out of the birth canal that way.
That is the only way to explain why the Yo Gabba Gabba! set are so brutal these days. There is even a study that suggests that female toddlers use manipulation and peer pressure to get what they want. That's certainly something women do well into adulthood.
To be fair, boys come with their own cruel quirks. Not having an obsession with Thomas the Train can earn you odd looks from my little guy. And over time, I've noticed the girls changing up the hit list, as former victims become besties. Still, it's likely going to happen to your little princess at one time or another.
So what's a mom to do? There's no way to escape it, so I say toughen up your tykes. Basically, as soon as girls can cruise, teach them to stand their ground and defend themselves no matter what is thrown at them. It may be their best chance of coping with what is likely to be a lifetime of cattiness.
What do you think? Are we born to be mean to each other?
Image via mikebaird/Flickr
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Comments 29
This is like that whole nature vs nurture. Nature says pre-historically women were born to be competitive as to bring down their competition so that they look better in the eyes of their potential mates as an alpha female. Nurture says that we learn these habits from those around us. I say it's a combination of both. These days though I think parenting and social influences play a big role in shaping a toddler's persona, and in our culture where the "mean girls" and glorified as the "cool it girls", I'm not surprised to see intentionally mean female toddlers.
I personally have never like having female friends, I have 3, and the rest of my friends, my best friends are male. Less drama and headaches that way. But when you come down to the very crux of the matter its quite simple: Girls don't like other girls!
I am HIGHLY skeptical of the claim that women are "born" wicked. Do you think 3-year-olds in other parts of the world are pulling the Lindsay Lohan act? Obviously I can't say for certain since I don't liver there, but I doubt children in more rural, agro-traditional environments (like villages in Africa, Asia, Latin America, etc) are commenting about each other's "prettiness." I think it's mostly cultural, and children absorb what they see & hear from TV, ads, billboards, the radio, etc.
Saphron... maybe you should do some agro-traditional research where they have shown over time that 'prettiness' and abilities ARE, in fact, commented on. Since days gone by it has been the allure of a woman and her abilities that attract men. Whatever the competition is- is going to be subject to ridicule and divisiveness towards the masses. The ideals of what is pretty and what is worthy might be subject to change, but the concept is clearly the same.
And, in areas where there is more competition... ie, the need for a husband is stronger- the brutality will only become stronger and more relentless.
Just because they're three doesn't mean they didn't learn it from their mothers. Heck, my 3-year-old son says things ALL the time that sound like something my husband or I would say.