As much as I love being a parent, there are things about the job that I don't like at all. I've often thought how lovely it would be if only I could outsource the parts for which I don't show a lot of talent (or patience) ... then I quickly start making myself feel guilty for even thinking such awful thoughts about my darling children.
So I was glad to see a recent a column in Psychology Today by Jim Taylor -- a legit psychologist with a Ph.D -- that makes a pretty good case as to why ALL parenting duties should be outsourced. He lays out a logical argument as to why children would be better off if they were raised by professionals instead of parents.
Now that's pretty extreme, but if I could just outsource a few parts of the job, I think that would work well for me. Sure some people have actually figured out ways to do just that via a nannies, night nurses, and the like, but I don't need that much and prefer to handle some of the bigger issues -- like tantrums and sleepless nights -- myself. I just want someone to swoop in here and there when I really need/want them for a few of the smaller things. Here are five parenting tasks I'd love to outsource if money (and reality) wasn't an issue.
1. Cutting my kids' fingernails
After accidentally snipping my infant son's finger in the process and seeing a river of blood flowing that I thought would surely lead to his demise, I've never warmed to this task. Plus, they grow so damn fast, it seems like a job that never ends.
2. Taking my kids into public restrooms
The smells, the maneuvering, the loooong stints waiting for them to go. If only there was a button in stores you could push, and some (highly screened) potty assistant would come take your kids for you -- especially when you're in line, ready to check out, and they have to go NOW!
3. Putting my kids in and taking them out of the car
In the heat, in the cold, the struggles while I'm precariously balancing a pizza box and a gallon of milk, and the "I want to do it myself!" are enough to drive me mad some days. I'd gladly do the driving if someone could just get them in and out of the car safely each time.
4. Putting my son's cleats on
For whatever reason, this task makes us both sweat as I push, pull, and finally maneuver his foot into them. Same goes for shin guards. Oh, and maybe someone to teach him to tie his shoe while we're at it.
5. Updating their baby books
I know, I know. I want to, but while I'm Martha Stewart in my mind, their books are pathetic in reality. If only someone could just record and organize their milestones and highlights, they might not hate me someday when they compare their bare books next to those of their friends who grew up with those scrapbooking moms.
What parenting tasks would you outsource if money (and reality) were no object?
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