See how good we're being?Having just returned from a trip with my kids, I've realized something: I am an awesome parent. As is my husband. After all, we just went halfway across the country with little incident. My two very small children were well-behaved(for the most part) and entertained their family members as they dined out all over a city filled with hipsters; without enraging wait staff, or child-free diners who just wanted to enjoy their margaritas in peace. Win!
Well, except for that one time when my son had just been woken up from his nap -- forcibly -- and had trouble getting over it. But that's because he didn't get enough sleep, and we frog-marched him into a restaurant when he just wanted to chill out in his car seat.
See how that works? That's a parent taking full credit for the good, but throwing out plenty of excuses for the bad. Nice, right?
One child-free family member said to me, "Your kids are great, it's all about the parenting, right?" That's when I had to stop pretending like my husband and I were the greatest parents to ever grace the United States of America and admit that, no, it's not all about parenting.
We all know people who are hard-working parents and good people, yet they've been "blessed" with a challenging child. We also know horrible parents who lucked out with a well-behaved kid who defies all of her circumstances. Sure, good parenting goes a long, long, way. But if we're going to give ourselves credit when our kids behave like angels, we have to admit failure when the tantrum happens as well.
Personally, I'd rather not take the credit in the first place. We try to be "good" parents, by our own definition. We work with what we've got. Sometimes we hit the sweet spot, sometimes we forget to be consistent. We're human. This means our kids are human also, and sometimes they are amazing examples of children, and sometimes they need to be removed from polite society.
So when people compliment me on my parenting, I'm sure to point out my failings. After all, it could all change with a nap.
Do you take credit for the good, and not the bad?
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Comments 6
I'm learning that lesson right now. My son is a pretty easygoing 2 year old, and an excellent listener. I would really like to take credit for that, but as he grows and reveals more of himself all the time, I'm realizing a lot of it? Is just his nature. That doesn't excuse me from being a parent, but it doesn't mean he's the standard by which I should measure other kids and other parents either. He's who he is, and I need to parent him accordingly without excuses or apologies. Or without thinking I'm the greatest parent in the world. Because I'm not. I'm just human.
I do take credit for good behavior, and the bad as well. However, as the article points out, sometimes the "bad" behavior has a lot to do with circumstances. Tantrums happen especially when a child is tired, hungry, sick... They also have fewer communication skills and sometimes they get frusterated about that. I read a wonderful quote once that said, "My child is not GIVING me a hard time; my child is HAVING a hard time." So when my kids misbehave I try to do the best I can and ignore any snippy comments. Certainly I'm nowhere near a perfect mom and my kids aren't perfect either, but we all are doing our best and what more can you ask for?!
A friend of my mine just had a baby Sunday and she was lamenting going through the terrible 2s again (her other child is 10). My daughter just turned 3 and it suddenly occured to me that we totally lucked out on the terrible 2s. My older child was a challenge, still is at 11yo, but my little one is soooo easy going. Are my parenting styles so different now that I'm older? Not really. A lot of it is just the child's temperment.
Rach child is different, My first son, now 26, has always been a "mini adult", as we called him when he was young, 2nd son, now 21, is a rebell with a heart of gold, he's gotten into trouble (mostly with me), but is now the proud and hands on father of a precious baby boy. My youngest, 7 yr old girl has her own way, adorable, yet exasperatign, a princess but not spoiled. She is going to be a challenge as she will hit her teens when we hit our 50's