I Hate My Daughter's Dance Class

Being a Mom 29

My 3-year-old daughter is convinced she's royalty. I'm not sure that "princess" would be her choice though -- she'd probably prefer to be known as "king," which only means that she's my daughter. Why be a lowly princess when you can rule the world?

*happy maternal sigh*

Kids, man.

The thing I'm not into, though, is all these kids' activities. When I was a kid, my "activities" included my own mother booting me outside, the click of the lock behind me my only cue that it was time to make my own fun. So I did.

But now? Every parent I know is all, "dance class this" and "soccer practice that." And you know what? I hate it. 

Here's why.

Each wee outfit for dance class costs eleventy-basquillion dollars. Which is more than my mortgage payment. Don't they know that's Mommy's Vodka Money? Apparently not.

I didn't sign up for fetus dance class, which means that I haven't been trucking my daughter to and from the studio since she was negative 6 months old. Therefore, my kid and I are the misfits -- we don't know a soul. 

I'm stuck sitting on the bleachers, watching my kid learn dance moves and I don't even have wi-fi. How can I possibly keep tabs on my favorite toilet paper's Twitter stream if I have to sit and pretend like I'm paying attention?

Their dance moves all look the same. They're all, "twirl, step, twirl." It's adorable and all, but I'm pretty sure I could get the same effect by dangling something sparkly in front of my daughter.

No matter what I'm wearing, I'm under-dressed. I could show up in a full ball gown and someone next to me will have the ball gown PLUS the tiara. If I show up in a ball gown plus tiara, the person next to me will be wearing a DIAMOND tiara, whereas mine is a lowly cubic zirconium tiara. 

Watching the kids trip over each other while "dancing" is like the world's most hilarious reality television show. I keep hoping Ryan Seacrest is gonna show up to announce the next act.

Ah, parenthood. Pass the vodka, yo.

a mom's life, confessions, fun & games


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

LeetjieJ LeetjieJ

Thank heavens! A kindred spirit!

Evaly... EvalynCarnate

I never tried to get myself or my kid to "keep up" with anything other Moms did. And I hate when moms are so competitive..I mean..wearing full glitz make up to the park in 98 degree heat, or any sort of practice or activity is a little ridiculous to me. Who are they trying to impress anyway?

This articule was totally funny :-p

fave82 fave82

Um, maybe you should look into a different dance studio where the people aren't total aholes.

MrsRi... MrsRiz1024

Completely unrelated but awwww,look at mimi with her coffee cup!,lol. (im an avid mwv reader, not a stalker)

douxm... douxmusique

I am on the same page. I hate taking my kids to activities. I always feel so out of place and inadequate. And bored.

Destiny Hall Lewis

lol!!! Thank you this made my morning! and YES PLEASE to the Vodka... I like grape. ;-)~ ps... Fetus Dance classes??? BAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

SuzyB... SuzyBarno

Why not try to strike up a conversation rather than sit there and be bored. You might make a dance mom friend! Oh my!

Ashley Rewakowski

My son (who is almost two) is OBSESSED with basketball and football, so he will be starting Irish step dancing lessons next year and maybe ballet around age four. It will help strengthen his agility and balance for later on if he does gets into sports like I think he will.

mande... mandeylei

I wish you were my neighbor!!! My kids go outside! They play basketball, jump on the trampoline, baseball, catch, tag, even play with the dirt....LoL. They're under no pressure to Win or be Perfect, while I'm under no pressure to "fit in" with todays keep up with the Jones' society! Thanks for the smile, this mommy still has money for her whiskey :D

nonmember avatar Vanessa

I'm the total opposite of this post. I love scurrying my daughter from this activity to that one. She's two and will be adding dance classes this summer. It brings me lots of happiness to see her so happy and having fun.

I have encountered an unpleasant mom and last time I checked I'm there for my daughter and it's only 45 min. We're adults right???

1-10 of 29 comments 123 Last