I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been through hell. My neck was sore, I had bags under my eyes, and I couldn't wait to get into the shower and wash the night off of me. As I surveyed the damage, I couldn't help but be struck by some similarities to something far, far from the life I lead now ...
1. I'm constantly covered in bruises and bumps, which I have no memory of acquiring.
2. I get whispered to in a language I can't understand in the least.
3. I often decide to sleep in a bed other than my own because it just feels so good.
4. I fall asleep with grubby hands stroking my face and a tongue licking me.
5. I often wake up at midnight and find two members of the opposite sex beside me.
6. I have absolutely no memory of how the other members ended up in there.
7. I get groped at 3 a.m. by mysterious fingers.
8. It's not unusual to be awoken at 5:30 a.m. by a boy straddling me and taking off his shirt.
9. I'm sore in places I had no idea existed.
10. I know the whole thing will be repeated again tonight.
Anyone else feel like they're living in some weird parallel one-night stand universe?
Image via Scary Mommy
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Comments 93
Still think it's gross, not matter what groupies of the blogger say. Not too impressed with people who can't write a comment without cursing.
If a dad had writtent his post and said:" It's not unusual to be awoken at 5:30 a.m. by a girl straddling me and taking off her shirt" about his daughter we'd be giving each other side eye for sure.
We can parody the difficulties of parenting without going to such weird places. Ew.
The only way I can see the licking beyond toddlerhood is if the kid had a nightmare and let the dog in when he or she came into the room to get some comfort from mommy and daddy. The article was cute and in my opinion, if you have a problem with a little one getting comfort from mommy and daddy after a nightmare, there is something wrong.
OMG People...take it for what it is and giggle and move on, stop being so self righteous and judgmental!!
Billie you're even scarier than this article, get over YOURSELF.
people need to learn how to lighten up n get a sense of humor. sheesh. n we wonder why people are killing each other. lighten the hell up n laugh a little. it was funny. if you think its gross, then maybe you should pull your head out of the gutter!