I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been through hell. My neck was sore, I had bags under my eyes, and I couldn't wait to get into the shower and wash the night off of me. As I surveyed the damage, I couldn't help but be struck by some similarities to something far, far from the life I lead now ...
1. I'm constantly covered in bruises and bumps, which I have no memory of acquiring.
2. I get whispered to in a language I can't understand in the least.
3. I often decide to sleep in a bed other than my own because it just feels so good.
4. I fall asleep with grubby hands stroking my face and a tongue licking me.
5. I often wake up at midnight and find two members of the opposite sex beside me.
6. I have absolutely no memory of how the other members ended up in there.
7. I get groped at 3 a.m. by mysterious fingers.
8. It's not unusual to be awoken at 5:30 a.m. by a boy straddling me and taking off his shirt.
9. I'm sore in places I had no idea existed.
10. I know the whole thing will be repeated again tonight.
Anyone else feel like they're living in some weird parallel one-night stand universe?
Image via Scary Mommy
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Comments 93
That's funny stuff right there!!! Luckily for me, my middle of the night bed-invader likes to snuggle up to Daddy and invade his space, so I only have to deal with it once in awhile. If anything, I have to deal with the aggravated dog who has to adjust her sleeping position once the bed invasion happens. Haha. She's a pug, who thinks she's a princess, so there's a lot of indignant snuffling and huffing and a few circles before she decides on another appropriate space to lay down at.
You crack me up time and time again! LOL Love it
Almost none of this applies to me directly, and I still get the humor.