corn snakeThis week a mother in northern Israel found a snake's head in her toddler's mouth. Thankfully the child had not been bitten or harmed while beheading that snake! But here's the part that makes me want to scream: They couldn't quite identify what kind of snake it was because its head was so chewed up. OMG! NO! Chewing a snake's head -- that is the worst!

Or is it? Even the most watchful mom has found crazy, disturbing, and revolting things in our kids mouths. I know I have. I've seen rocks, coins, glitter, a random bottle cap -- well, maybe I should just stop there. I asked some of my friends what crazy items they've found in their toddlers' mouths. Are you ready? Okay, let's go there.

Before we get started I just want to assure you all that all of these children are still alive and all of these parents are responsible and sane. Well, as sane as you can be after raising a toddler. Anyway, the following stories are as told by the parents.

E was crawling around at church one time and I saw he was gnawing on something. When I fished it out of his mouth it turned out to be SOME OTHER KID'S DISCARDED BABY MOLAR. I would find it funny now, but as a first-time mom it gave me the dry heaves.

My friend's daughter pried old gum from between the rubber mats at the park and popped it right in her mouth.

Half a matchstick. While in her crib. 3 marbles. The last bite of an unidentifiable lawn mushroom at a vacation rental in the middle of nowhere.

First time playing at the beach, age 2, E took a seashell, scooped up a big hunk of wet sand and shoved it right in her pie-hole. Another time, same age, she found and (possibly) drank an unknown amount of a rum & coke that had been left within her reach. Horrified, I watched her like a hawk for symptoms of drunkenness. Turns out symptoms of drunkenness are identical to symptoms of being 2 years old, so we'll never know. And then there was the gum that got poop on it... *shiver.*

When J was a bit over 1, he figured out how to open his bedroom door for the first time. I used to nap when he did, and while I was sleeping, he managed to get into the kitchen, pull out the rest of his dad's beer (from the trash - a 40 oz bottle I might add) and when I woke up (had a bad feeling -- seriously, there was NO noise. I woke up freaked) I found him in the kitchen, under the table, drunk off his ass and eating the cigarette butts outta the ashtray and playing with a broken glass. Can we say not only bye bye to Momma's naps, but most of her sanity that day? It STILL to this day gives me the shivers and he'll be 18 in 6 months. Oi. *shudder*

My dog's hair but I think we're just getting started.

Used cat litter.

Goose poop

Honestly, how does anyone manage to live beyond the age of 3? I ask you. Many thanks to the parents who shared your stories!

What horrible things have you pulled out of your toddler's mouth?

 

Image via goingslo/Flickr