chinese dragonChinese New Year is coming on January 23, 2012. It's the year of the Dragon, which means we are really in for it for the New Year. In a good way. The mythical dragon is really powerful and is known to keep evil spirits away -- it's the ultimate protector. Since I am a devout horoscope and zodiac believer, I took a look at what the year of the Dragon is all about and translated it to what it means for us parents.

Sure, 2012 promises to be a powerful one, but will that mean the powers that be will be against you, subjecting you to a whole other year of sleepless nights and more grey hairs because the stress is aging you before your time? Or will it be also known as the year of the Parent, the ultimate Dragon and slayer of all things bad? Let's dig in to the predictions.

I looked to Chinese Dragon's analysis of the year 2012 and did a little decoding.

They say: "the Chinese Dragon is a mythological symbol that represents fertility, immortality and happiness."

This must mean: If you don't want another baby and your tubes aren't tied, you best be using some birth control because it may be a multiple baby kind of year. Maybe Octomom will be usurped by Nonumom! No better way to be immortal than have tons of kids. (Happiness is up to you, of course. Octomom claims she hates her kids.)

 

They say: Dating as far back as 3000 BC, many looked to Chinese Dragons to keep evil spirits at bay.

This must mean: That really evil Presidential candidate will not be elected. I'm staying out of the political debate here. I'm just going to go general and note that whoever does win isn't the evil one. This also must mean that your kid who refuses to sleep because of those night terrors will suddenly become a sleep champion, enabling you to finally ease up on the coffee you devour and you may even regain the posture you lost from being all tense due to lack of sleep.

 

They say: The Chinese Dragon meaning is also one of divine ruler of the sea, the river and the lakes.

This must mean: Fisherman are going to be happy. Maybe we won't have any of those freakish ameoba deaths this year. And maybe more teenagers will attempt the sailing around the world craziness. I'm thinking Paul Watson and the Sea Shepherds will have another successful year. And your husband will surprise you with a kid-free cruise for seven days with amazingly gorgeous weather.

 

They say: This year is considered the year of luck because the a part of the Chinese Dragon meaning is good fortune in the areas of health, wealth and living a long, prosperous life.

This must mean: There will be less visits to the emergency room for broken bones from skateboarding accidents  or allergic reactions to multiple bee stings because your kid decided that the hive was a really cool looking toy. This envitiably leads to less stress for us moms, which of course adds years to our lives instead of sending us to an early grave.

 

They say: It is believed that anyone who holds an emblem of this divine mythical animal will be protected and safe.

This must mean: Moms and dads should immediately scour the internet for the perfect drawing of a dragon and take it to the tattoo parlour so it can be permanently inked into the skin, thus protecting you forever. Extra safety points if you get your kids' names tattooed in a banner that the dragon is holding.

Do you believe? Which prediction do you hope comes true the most?

 

Image via jez.atkinson/Flickr