Having outgoing kids can be a really fantastic thing. Especially when you're waiting in a long line and your chatty three-year-old makes friends with everyone and people chill out. Both of my kids are super friendly, which I love since I was a very shy kid myself. We can't go to the grocery store or the auto body shop without my son or daughter making a new friend and gathering information along the way. In fact, my daughter once got a free blow-out at a hair salon because she so totally charmed the woman doing my hair.
What I'm saying is being friendly to strangers has its advantages. But a series of incidents with strangers that set off my mom alarm made me realize that my kids don't have a filter yet. They really can't figure out who is a nice check-out lady, and what guy should probably not be allowed to work around children, if his creep-tastic leer is any indication. And I have no idea how to inject that information into their two- and five-year-old brains.
I tried after one encounter to explain that "You don't have to talk to strangers," only to have my daughter say, "But he was funny." Yeah, he was funny. If you think an inappropriate interest in toddler swim class protocol is funny. Still, I was there to protect my daughter and a little bit of bizarre conversation in my presence did not harm her in the slightest. But if I'm not around, I don't want my kids thinking they can open up to any weirdo on the street.
Granted, I would be hard-pressed to think of a time my kids would be unattended and talking to random people in public. It would be nice, however, to trust that they have any instincts when it comes to weeding out potential dangerous adults from the majority of people in the world. As small as those numbers might be, it's not unrealistic to think they could encounter one such adult. We did twice in a row at the grocery store and then the coffee shop.
I don't worry about my children being abducted. I think the odds are in my favor as I don't have an ex-husband with custody issues, nor a weird cousin who believes these kids are really hers. I just want my kids to "get" when someone is off. And there's nothing in their experience thus far that can serve as a reference. We don't have a neighborhood drunk to avoid, or "that crazy Uncle Charlie" who usually stays in his mother's attic.
I'm simply hoping that this friendliness is someday tempered with self-preservation. After all, there will surely be a time they go to the grocery store without me. Right?
How do you teach your kids to recognize creepy people?
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Comments 51
Thanks, Quinn and Antfarmer...I'm glad someone understood my very wordy rant up there!
and Kristian And Stephanie - I was using two very common stereotypes to illustrate that point. Of COURSE every black man isn't planning to grab your kids (and actually, if you actually read what I wrote, I said that the black guy was eyeing up YOU, not your kids. If you're gonna bash at me, at least quote me correctly). Just like every homeless man isn't a druggie, every asian guy isn't a nerd, and every middle-eastern man isn't looking to blow up the nearest airport. But you two are just looking for an argument, aren't you? See? My radar is working just fine...
i haven't talked to them about it yet. Their still too young
The problem is, most people who abuse kids are not scary men in the shadows- they are people we are ALL taught to trust- the nice youth counselor at church, the t-ball coach, the friend's dad. Stranger danger is great, but kids need to know what is inappropriate behavior for ALL adults, even those who are "friends" and family.
It's one of the hardest things to teach. No matter hard we try, we still get it wrong sometimes. Who fits the "creepy" definition? The pastor, priest, or Sunday School teacher? The school teacher? The coach? The camp counselor? The next door neighbor? Man? Woman? An older kid? Grandpa? Daddy? Mommy?
The one thing I drilled into mine above all else was the right to say no. I told them if something sounds wrong to them, it probably is. Kids are taught to respect their elders (as they usually should) but it sometimes leads to disaster. I worried about the "creepy" guy on the street or in the store but experience taught me to worry far more about that too lengthy list above. "Stranger danger" exists but is far less common than danger much closer to home. The pedophile is an expert con artist and often the last person you'd suspect.
I never knew how. I just tried to be there to protect. I didn't know what else to do. I did talk about bad touching and that some people weren't nice.
Interesting