Your kids believe in Santa, right? If not you're missing out on some big behavioral modification tools, my friends. After all, nothing stops a kid dead in her tracks like saying, "Santa is watching, and he doesn't reward baby brother ignorers." Even if you like being honest with your kids (something I'll never understand when it comes to the great Santa Claus deceit) maybe you want to keep the mystery surrounding the fat man in a red suit.
So the next time your little one gets that flash of doubt and looks up at you with wide eyes, asking, "Mama, is Santa Claus real?" here are 10 things you can tell him.
- I don't know, is the LEGO Millennium Falcon real?
- Of course he's real, we would never fill up your stocking with coal. That's just mean. (Hide snickering)
- Why would you even ask if an obese man flying in a sleigh powered by reindeer -- one of which has an electric nose -- is real?
- As real as your Aunt Ruby's hair color.
- Only to those kids who believe so much that they keep their rooms cleaned for the entire month of December. Those kids get Xboxes for Christmas.
- Sure, let me show you this Santa Tracker app. See?
- You mean you didn't hear all that commotion on the roof last Christmas Eve? What, are you deaf?
- Do you think there would be so many animated Christmas specials on TV if he weren't real? No one in television has that much of an imagination to just make that stuff up.
- He looked real when I saw him kissing your mother/me. We're going to have a chat about that this year.
- Who else would eat all those cookies and drink that 15-year-old Scotch we left out for him?
What do you tell your kids about Santa?