Abuse Statistics Make Me Fear For My Children

on November 20, 2011 at 7:00 AM

penn state abuse protect kids Right after the Jerry Sandusky scandal broke Penn State wide open, I went on a trip to the grocery store and came face-to-face with our local sex offender. (He's kind of famous, which is how I was able to identify). I was somehow comforted by the fact that we can see our local guy coming, and still maintained that the likelihood of my children suffering the same fate as the children in Pennsylvania, and the thousands all over the world, was slim. Then I read the startling statistic that says one out of every four girls, and one out of every six boys will experience sexual abuse.

This is where you gasp out loud and scare the dog. It's okay, I did. And then I panicked about how in the world I could prevent this from happening to my own precious family.

After all, I teach my children to communicate. They know about bad touch and good touch, private areas, and they both have such big mouths it's highly unlikely anything could cause them to not tell us if something (god forbid) were to happen. But one in four/six! I'm starting to understand my mother's seemingly irrational stance on where I was allowed to go and with whom.

Short of quitting my job, home schooling, and never letting these kids out of my sight -- ever -- I don't know what to do and these statistics make me really frightened. CNN has a list of how to keep your child safe, but should I really not trust my children's teachers, care givers, and anyone else who comes in contact with them? I can't imagine living like that, but I also can't imagine how the parents of those young boys under the "care" of Jerry Sandusky feel right now either.

I assume the people at my children's schools have to pass a criminal background check. I also assume the parents of my daughter's friends are good people, and as I've gotten to know them nothing tells me otherwise. Which is one of the ways to be safe: trust your instincts. If your instinct tells you someone is not right, trust that instinct even if it means being rude.

Which is incredibly difficult for most people. We'd rather be polite than safe. However, after taking in this information, I'm about to get rude. After all, what else can we do?

How do you protect your kids from the unthinkable?

Image via Lepti/Flickr

About the author April Peveteaux

writes about anything that gets stuck in her craw. A mom of two in Los Angeles, she can't believe she practically lives in the country now after attempting to raise kids in Brooklyn.

Filed Under: child care, nursery school, safety

Comments (14)

scaryfairy81

on Nov 20, 2011 at 7:15 AM

What scares me is that you can still pass a criminal background check if you've never been caught/arrested. Jerry Sandusky was a foster and adoptive parent, and as an adoptive mom myself, I know you must pass a background investigation to be approved. There are measures out there to keep kids safe and to keep KNOWN predators away from them, but the ones who have not been caught are who keep me nervous.

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Krsnavywife09

on Nov 20, 2011 at 7:54 AM

Most people that have been involved with sexual abuse is with someone you trust such as a family member its really hard to put your guard up against an uncle,cousin,brother,grandfather,or even a childs own father because those are the people who you would trust but should you trust them? This is coming from someone whos been sexually abused by both my grandfather and father which was his father......dont trust anyone! Ive had many friends who have faced the same and its very hard to come out about it when your young they are your family

jalaz77

on Nov 20, 2011 at 8:55 AM

We have talked to our kids about bad touch and proper touch as well. We also say never keep secrets, we tell them no one will ever hurt you for telling us your secrets. We show them who they can go to if they need help, like a cop or a firefighter....we do our best as parents, most kids that are abused have parents that took the same precautions but as the above posted its usually someone you do trust. This is one of my biggest fears, our kids are 6yrs, 3yrs and 16mo so right now is the hardest age for our kids to communicate this stuff to us so we stay in tune with our kids as much as possible.

RhondaVeggie

on Nov 20, 2011 at 9:19 AM

Bear in mind that many of those cases are very small things that would never have a long term effect. Of course these things shouldn't happen but they're not going to damage your kids if they do. I'm talking about things like a creepy uncle grabbing them in a public place and an older cousin touching their privates. Sure it's weird but the vast majority of kids are going to get past it with no adverse effects. It's not like one in four girls are going to be subjected to years of rape. When I was twelve or thirteen I had a creepy uncle grab my arm and start stroking it while asking me if I liked cucumbers. Gross and totally counts as abuse but I just told him to take his hand off of me before I broke his fingers and/or his nose and he backed off. I was happy when he died because I know I'm not the only girl that he tried it on with but other than that I've barely given him a thought since.

JenniferDawyn

on Nov 20, 2011 at 10:23 AM

Just from talking to women (and how often do you get on this topic, because it's still taboo), I personally feel that the stat is THREE out of 4 females have experienced sexual abuse.

antfarmer101

on Nov 20, 2011 at 10:35 AM

RhondaVeggie, you are an idiot. The stats ARE for real, actual abuse. And yes, ANYONE touching your privates is abuse. Heaven forbid your children ever have anyone abuse them, because I can totally see you being the mom who blows it off. Disgusting

douxmusique

on Nov 20, 2011 at 10:59 AM

Actually, rhondaveggie is partially correct, these stats also include minor age differences between consenting teenagers and indecent exposure, to name.a few fairly harmless sexual "abuses". The other half of the statistic is that an overwhelming number of abuse cases happen by someone the victim likes, loves or lives with. While bad things do happen at the hands of a stranger often enough to warrant caution, it is far more likely to be someone close to the child/family. That should have been part of the article, because that factor is the most terrifying thing about the occurance of abuse and the cause of the large number of victims.

on Nov 20, 2011 at 2:06 PM

An older cousin toucning your private parts is abuse, that is not harmless.....I too would like to see the statistics laid out HOWEVER there is no such thing as harmless abuse.

Momma2blessed

on Nov 20, 2011 at 3:35 PM

It's scary but we as parents can do every thing we can, keep plugged in to your kids lives, educate them, trust your instincts... But we also can't live in fear and have to let them grow. Keeping too tight of a hold is also not healthy.

It's scary cause we love them beyond words and never want to see our babies hurt!

Facebook comment from Marcella Shambles

on Nov 20, 2011 at 8:32 PM

I wish we could educate all parents, especially women, and some how empower them to use the knowledge they have. I think it is the uneducated children who are most abused. The drug addict /alcoholics / low income children. Not in all cases, but I bet the majority. I wish I knew how to reach the parents or teach the children. A lot of it is generational, but how do you stop the cycle of abuser and abused?

I used to, and sometimes still do, whisper to my child as she falls asleep or is just asleep how I will always look for her if she is lost, and that no one will hurt me if they do or don't do something, that my love for her is always and forever, no matter what someone says. Guess I'm trying to brainwash her in a good way...

I was sexually abused by my father and have told my husband flat out I would believe my child, no matter how much I wouldn't want to. And only partially joke about killing him