Toddler Playdates May Not Be Worth the Hassle

on November 15, 2011 at 4:30 PM

playdates for toddlers
You Wanna Come Over?I've said it before, and I'll say it again: The second kid really does get the shaft. Yet even though I know this, I still find myself scheduling activities for the big kid and just assuming the 2-year-old will be cool with running around in a backyard while she has a swimming lesson. But it came to our attention yesterday, at a pre-school parent/teacher conference, that our boy needs some playdates. Or, at least he needs some playdates if we want him to get socialized and learn how to relate to his own kind. We want that, right?

On the one hand, we felt bad about having only ever arranged one playdate for the kid. And that one was kind of wrecked when his older sister swooped in and charmed the kid. On the other hand, the suggestion that maybe I take off work early one day to facilitate a playdate for my 2-year-old seemed extreme. But should I?

Well, yes, if I want to get the "Helicopter Mom of the Year" award. But I totally don't, so I'm not doing that. I will, however, try to see what I can rustle up on a semi-regular basis for the kid. Because I do want him to learn how to share, how to ask nicely, and how to (eventually) learn empathy. All of these things are great reasons for a toddler playdate.

However, the no-nonsense part of me feels like arranging playdates for a 2-year-old is akin to writing his college admissions essay. Can't I just wait until he can do it himself? Of course I can, if I want to leave all of his social skill education up to his pre-school. Which I might, considering when I asked him who he wanted a playdate with, he mentioned Molly, the dog of one of the employees at the school.

Do you arrange playdates for your toddler?

About the author April Peveteaux

writes about anything that gets stuck in her craw. A mom of two in Los Angeles, she can't believe she practically lives in the country now after attempting to raise kids in Brooklyn.

Filed Under: fun & games, learning, nursery school

Comments (10)

Kritika

on Nov 15, 2011 at 4:34 PM

I want to know who's idea was it to paint the fireplace like that?

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Mrs.Kubalabuku

on Nov 15, 2011 at 4:43 PM

Playdates are a fun thing for kids...sometimes. My son gets fascinated by the other kid's toys and shows little interest in playing with his "friend."

If I find a friend, or even someone I can tolerate some time with, who has a kid the same age (3), we'll get together and see how it goes. And he goes to every birthday party he's invited to. But, I don't go out of my way to make a playdate.

You're right in saying Preschool can help him with social skills. The right preschool, one that fits both your needs and your child's, can compensate for any lack of earlier playdates! I talked with my son's school about his lack of playdates, and that I wanted him to socialize and learn. His teachers make a point of getting him to play with other kids a few times a week. Sometiems he complains to me he had to play with so-and-so, but overall he goes with the flow.

The main thing that bothered me about playdates was watching my son be forced to hang out with someone he normally wouldn't. He's polite to everyone, but doesn't enjoy playing with his polar opposite.

So I guess I'm on the fence. If it works into your schedule and your baby enjoys them, go for it. If not, rest assured kids are highly adaptable and going to school will help, even if it's rocky at first.

Lynette

on Nov 15, 2011 at 4:46 PM

we had a children's museum membership that was great for that. And sibblings are great to learn how to share, how to ask nicely, and how to (eventually) learn empathy with. No need for playdates IMO.

Facebook comment from Andrea Byrd Plate

on Nov 15, 2011 at 5:00 PM

I don't really go out of my way to schedule playdates for my 20 month old. That said, I do get her out and about so she can socialize with other kids, be it to the zoo, a playground, the mall, story time ect. My grandmother took care of me while my mom was working, and she never took me anywhere-so I grew into a painfully shy kid, and I'm still a bit reserved as an adult.

LucretiaMcEvil

on Nov 15, 2011 at 5:14 PM

The whole term "play date" just gives me the creeps. It's such a weird concept.

We take our 17m old to the park where there are other kids on a regular basis.

If he sees a kid he wants to play with, he will just approach them himself.

I'm not cool with setting my boy up on a blind-date. Why rush/force socializing? He's only 17m and still doesn't even know what the grass he's sitting in is. He will figure out socializing himself when he goes to preschool.

I've never had an issue with him being anti-social. He's a very outgoing and happy baby.

I am mobile, and the first thing under the comment box I am typing in is "Extra Sugar" and the first article listed says "Playdates Aren't About Kids At All". That sentence gets to my point.

Facebook comment from Paula Gardner

on Nov 15, 2011 at 8:02 PM

I wonder, did your mother arrange playdates for you? I know mine never did and I never arranged them for my (now adult)daughters. And the thing is, we all ended up sociable and well adjusted. I just wish modern moms could relax just a little bit and not put so many burdens on themselves.

KBW2

on Nov 15, 2011 at 8:43 PM

I do- my daughter talks about her friends, at 18m now-- she asks to play and us moms enjoy one another and help w one another's kids. Same w my 4 yr old-- but it's usually friends that are in our moms group anyway.

sunnytxmom

on Nov 16, 2011 at 12:01 AM

I think play dates are really more for the mommies than the kiddos ;D

Facebook comment from Susan Delly

on Nov 16, 2011 at 3:18 AM

I have my infant around other infants in an effort to get him socialized. He loves new faces and I need to meet and talk with other mommies... even when I don't feel like it.

If you have a child you need to make sure all of their needs are being met, until they can do them themselves. Safety, nutrition, socialization... all of them.

LovinMomma0810

on Nov 16, 2011 at 10:56 AM

I am a young SAHM to two wonderful little girls (3 &1) and I am very active in my Mom's group. I don't think I could survive being a sahm without having play dates and get togethers at houses/public attractions lol. I am very hands on with my children (reading, crafts, games) but it really goes a long way for them to make friends at an early age. My oldest daughter was abused by, a now long gone, babysitter's son and she was extremely anti social for almost 2 years, play dates brought her out of her shell and got her comfortable with other children again. I do not overschedule my children but I like to get them out with friends at least twice a week. My older daughter is always asking when we will see so & so again lol. I love play dates and am all for them!