Last week, Evan underwent a speech evaluation. He was quiet as a mouse the entire time, simply giving one-word, bare minimum answers. The therapists took notes as he was clearly flunking the test with a big fat F.
Suddenly, he turned to me and loudly announced, "Mommy, my butt itches so bad and I really, really want to scratch it!!" The good news: His articulation was perfect. The bad? The therapists actually wrote the phrase on his test for the entire team to analyze.
Later that day, I asked my Facebook friends for the most embarrassing things their kids had ever said. Bless their souls, they may have me beat ...
1. While discussing the 10 Commandments at Vacation Bible School (!), comparing "God's Rules" with rules the kids might have at home, my oldest -- then about 7 -- spouted: AT MY HOUSE, YOU DON'T DRINK FROM MOM'S CUP OF SODA WHEN IT HAS LIQUOR IN IT! -- Meredith
2. [My son] asked where my wienie was as I got out of the shower one day. I said, "Well, Mommies have a different kind of wienie than Daddies." So we get to the store later that day and he informs the cashier, "My Mommy has a different kind of wienie." Awesome. --Tiffini
3. Grocery store experience: my kid screamed, "PIRATE!!!" at a man wearing an eye patch. -- Cora
4. My son is bi-racial and thought every black man was Daddy. Once we were at the local grocery store and our cashier happened to be a black teenage boy. As we approached the register, my then 2-year old started yelling over and over, "DADDY." -- Lauren
5. My 4-year-old son felt the need to warn "old" people they will die ... he told a lady in the grocery, "Old people die ... and you don’t look so good" -- Edna
6. My 6-year-old grabbed our Rabbi's butt and said, "Squishy, squishy." -- Vicki
7. Age 3, regarding a morbidly obese lady dressed in red in a store: "Holy crap, that is a BIG, RED shirt!" -- Kerri
8. Saying our dinner prayer with the family, my 5-year-old wanted to say the prayer. So being that he wanted to be the big boy, we said sure. He says: God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy! -- Lena
9. Walking by the wine section of Whole Foods: "Mommy! Look at all this mommy juice! Look! Mommy juice everywhere!" I got more than a few snickers. -- Emily
10. My husband took my 4-year-old son to his uncle's funeral. When they were bringing the casket in or out of somewhere, my son said (pretty loudly), "What's in the box?" Luckily it got a few laughs, but ohhhh that was not one of his finest moments! -- Christina
11. My son pointed at a guy playing basketball, who had a prosthetic leg, and shouted, "Look mom! He's a cyborg!" I dragged him away quickly. He's totally into robots and all that, so it was a huge compliment coming from my son! -- Carissa
12. When I quit smoking, my 5-year-old at the time (she's 23 now) told her kindergarten teacher that she was so proud of me because I quit drugs. -- Erin
13. I guess I did not have great bathroom boundaries with my daughter. While in a shopping cart, checking out, sucking on a lollipop, my daughter pulls the lollipop out of her mouth and tells the person bagging the groceries: "Sometimes my mommy pees red." She said it like I was a superhero. -- Jennifer
14. Just a few weeks ago, my son was in the bath and declared, "I just have a kid-sized penis because I'm a kid. Not Daddy, though. He's a grownup, so he has a big penis. Daddy, your penis is THIS big" [said while holding his hands quite a wide distance apart]. My husband, however, told him, "Now THAT you're allowed to repeat anywhere and everywhere you want." -- Dorothy
15. My 3-year-old daughter was out with her grandma, and the lady in front of them in line was writing a check without ID and generally being irritating. At the top of her lungs, she sighs and says, "Grandma, this is taking FOREVER. It takes daddy less time to poop and he's in there long enough to play a world of Angry Birds!" -- Jane
What's the most embarrassing thing your kid ever said?
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Comments 422
My most embarassing two- I LOVE Nine Inch Nails and was unaware that my quiet toddler was only quiet because he was memorizing the words. In a major airport as he walked along with his grandpop, I guess he noticed their footsteps in unison and it reminded him of a song. I was several feet behind them as he suddenly began to sing the refrain to "Closer" ("I wanna #@&# you like a amamal"). Grandpop got the death stares by the fellow travelers, Number two involved daughter, then 3 going to an audition for a small role in a commercial. She was interviewed and said her lines. Then she was asked by a very condescending man if she knew her ABCs "like a big girl". She glared at him and said "Of course I know my ABCs, you idiot, and I AM a big girl!@".
When my daughter was potty training she had to go to the bathroom at the store. She said very loudly in the stall look Mama I pooped! Ok so only one other person was in there so it wasnt so bad I just said shh very good. We then walked out and she went running to my husband screaming DADDY I POOPED IN THE POTTY. All I could think was oh lord help me
I got one that tells on my self! my grandmother was babysitting me I was 6 she brought me home early let me out and left! I went in and looked for my parents who were it their room doing the mommy daddy thing when you get a babysitter! When i walked in my dad threw my mom on the floor and hid under the covers! I went to school the next day and proudly announced during show and tell that my mommy and daddy wrestle naked! My teacher was in her late 60's she called my parents and was very upset!y dad being the comedian that he is told her to be glad that people wrestle naked or she would be out of a job!!!
I was out to dinner with my boys. My 10 year old at the time, has Aspergers. Well if anyone is familiar with some of their characteristics is they are honest to a fault and have very black and white thinking. They don't get "feelings" very well.
We were sitting a the restaraunt, our waitress who was overweight came to the table. My son looked at me (right in front of her) and asked, "Mommy, why is the waitress so fat?". I was mortified, but explained to him, with the waitress there, that is was not nice to say things like that. His response was, "Why would that hurt her feelings? She knows she is fat." I was mortified.