15 Cringeworthy Things Little Kids Say in Public

Being a Mom 425

Last week, Evan underwent a speech evaluation. He was quiet as a mouse the entire time, simply giving one-word, bare minimum answers. The therapists took notes as he was clearly flunking the test with a big fat F.

Suddenly, he turned to me and loudly announced, "Mommy, my butt itches so bad and I really, really want to scratch it!!" The good news: His articulation was perfect. The bad? The therapists actually wrote the phrase on his test for the entire team to analyze.

Later that day, I asked my Facebook friends for the most embarrassing things their kids had ever said. Bless their souls, they may have me beat ...

1. While discussing the 10 Commandments at Vacation Bible School (!), comparing "God's Rules" with rules the kids might have at home, my oldest -- then about 7 -- spouted: AT MY HOUSE, YOU DON'T DRINK FROM MOM'S CUP OF SODA WHEN IT HAS LIQUOR IN IT! -- Meredith

2. [My son] asked where my wienie was as I got out of the shower one day. I said, "Well, Mommies have a different kind of wienie than Daddies." So we get to the store later that day and he informs the cashier, "My Mommy has a different kind of wienie." Awesome. --Tiffini 

3. Grocery store experience: my kid screamed, "PIRATE!!!" at a man wearing an eye patch. -- Cora

4. My son is bi-racial and thought every black man was Daddy. Once we were at the local grocery store and our cashier happened to be a black teenage boy. As we approached the register, my then 2-year old started yelling over and over, "DADDY." -- Lauren

5. My 4-year-old son felt the need to warn "old" people they will die ... he told a lady in the grocery, "Old people die ... and you don’t look so good" -- Edna   

6. My 6-year-old grabbed our Rabbi's butt and said, "Squishy, squishy." -- Vicki

7. Age 3, regarding a morbidly obese lady dressed in red in a store: "Holy crap, that is a BIG, RED shirt!" -- Kerri

8. Saying our dinner prayer with the family, my 5-year-old wanted to say the prayer. So being that he wanted to be the big boy, we said sure. He says: God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy! -- Lena 

9. Walking by the wine section of Whole Foods: "Mommy! Look at all this mommy juice! Look! Mommy juice everywhere!" I got more than a few snickers. -- Emily 

10. My husband took my 4-year-old son to his uncle's funeral. When they were bringing the casket in or out of somewhere, my son said (pretty loudly), "What's in the box?" Luckily it got a few laughs, but ohhhh that was not one of his finest moments! -- Christina 

11. My son pointed at a guy playing basketball, who had a prosthetic leg, and shouted, "Look mom! He's a cyborg!" I dragged him away quickly. He's totally into robots and all that, so it was a huge compliment coming from my son! -- Carissa 

12. When I quit smoking, my 5-year-old at the time (she's 23 now) told her kindergarten teacher that she was so proud of me because I quit drugs. -- Erin

13. I guess I did not have great bathroom boundaries with my daughter. While in a shopping cart, checking out, sucking on a lollipop, my daughter pulls the lollipop out of her mouth and tells the person bagging the groceries: "Sometimes my mommy pees red." She said it like I was a superhero. -- Jennifer

14. Just a few weeks ago, my son was in the bath and declared, "I just have a kid-sized penis because I'm a kid. Not Daddy, though. He's a grownup, so he has a big penis. Daddy, your penis is THIS big" [said while holding his hands quite a wide distance apart]. My husband, however, told him, "Now THAT you're allowed to repeat anywhere and everywhere you want."  -- Dorothy

15. ‎My 3-year-old daughter was out with her grandma, and the lady in front of them in line was writing a check without ID and generally being irritating. At the top of her lungs, she sighs and says, "Grandma, this is taking FOREVER. It takes daddy less time to poop and he's in there long enough to play a world of Angry Birds!" -- Jane    

What's the most embarrassing thing your kid ever said?


Image via Scary Mommy

language, learning, toddler development


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Mommy... MommyofDestiny

When my daughter was around 3 I didn't have a car. My retired father was our chauffeur. He has horrible road rage. I was in Walmart one day with my 3 year old who was sitting in the cart. There was an older woman in front of us going rather slow. My kid screams out "move it you old HAG!!!". It was horrible and I got a 10 minute lecture about how I'm raising my daughter from the woman.

nonmember avatar KMac

I haven't cackled like that in a LONG time. Yeah, they have you beat. Yours was pretty good, though!

fraoch fraoch

I guess I did not have great bathroom boundaries with my daughter. While in a shopping cart, checking out, sucking on a lollipop, my daughter pulls the lollipop out of her mouth and tells the person bagging the groceries: "Sometimes my mommy pees red." She said it like I was a super hero. -- Jennifer


*dies laughing*

nonmember avatar blh

Lol omg these are hilarious.

Kasey Comingore

@mommyofdestiny--i am in almost the exact situation! i don't have a car at the moment, and my dad drives me everywhere and watches my son when i am at school/work. my dad has the worst road rage i have ever seen! i think my son's first sentence is going to be "learn how to drive f****er!!"

kjbug... kjbugsmom1517

Bahahahahah! Omg these were hilarious! When my oldest was freshly potty trained at 3 we went to a restraunt and ordered a caraffe of orange juice. My husband walked away for a minute to get a paper and my daughter stood up in the booth and said "daddy! Orange juice hurts my gina!" She couldn't have orange juice because it hurt her privates. She felt the need to share that with everyone... Last year at christmas time we were again at a restraunt but this time with my now 3 year old, the waitress who was well endowed in the boob dept was talking to her about santa coming etc and my daughter lifts up her shirt and says "look at my boobies!" Lol she clearly was not paying attention to what the waitress was saying and instead was fascinated by her boobs lol. Kids say the darndest things!

Monique Msrook Burnett

When my son was 2 yrs of we were in Walmart and this plus size lady was in front of us and my son yelled "Big B***h Big B***h". and his grandma yelled where you learn that and he replied " my daddy". I couldn't do anything but drop my head.


oh god, really needed that-laughed so hard I couldn't even catch my breath!! Okay, 2 really funny ones from my oldest- when she was 3 1/2 we were in Target, a woman a couple feet away from had a largish "bubble butt" , she points at her and says, loudly of course, Look mommy that lady has a REALLY BIG BUTT just like you! I thought my husband would literally stroke out right there.  The funniest and worst was during a big family dinner at my SIL's house, my then three year old told the whole table: My mommy has a big hairy vagina! The best part was that she said it in the proudest voice, like I had really accomplished something! 

Brandi Walling-Strausbaugh

At the time, I had 4 children, the youngest being my only son. I have always taught the girls the proper names of ALL their body parts. When my son was born we had an outbreak of strep in the house. While shopping a WalMart, my 4 year old daughter told my 3 year old daughter to open her mouth, she obliged. The 4 yr old, at the tops of her lungs, yells, ASHLYN, YOUR TESTICLES ARE HUGE!! MOMMY LOOK AT HER TESTICLES!!! After I was able to regain my composure, I said do you mean her tonsils?

nonmember avatar angelia

Wow! I've never heard of so many 3 and 4 year olds knowing all these bad words, and knowing what a penis and vagina is. Sad.

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